無題

Still snowing outside. but it's dying down, not heavy at this moment. "+", the plus temperature, not much snow left on the ground. The temperature like this, maintained in plus side, has been for most of its winter days this year. Feb is almost there, I don't think we would have a real winter this year. Still feel hard to put words together/hard to get words out. At night still love looking up into the night sky in a quite room with a light music on, stars in the dark blue sky like a map... slowly, gradually learning to make a peace with myself. Every time I call home, trying to sound as happier as I could/should/would. But I simply know that dad is not convinced at all. Those calls always end up in silence. I'm sensitive,I know. Whenever i feel hurts for whatever a reason, i unconsciously hurt others whoever is with me. Such extreme sensitive hurts both, whoever is with me or close to me, i know. The result is still not out yet, i'm not waiting for it, accepted it already. It can only be as it has to be. That is the way a life is, that is the way a fate plays.