婚姻帶來一種新的生活方式

Marriage equals to a lifestyle

Since I am a 19-year-old girl, I am quite keen to better know the secrets of a happy marriage in hopes to become well-equipped and well-informed in the process of my future selection of my Mr. Right.

A French sociologist made a serious research on marriage and he summed up his results on one single phrase: marriage equals to a lifestyle.

He may be wrong. But I partly agree with him on his above conclusion.

The generations of 1980s and 1990s have been inevitably poisoned by numerous novels of Mrs. QIONG Yao瓊瑤. She made a fortune through the royalties and became one of the wealthiest Chinese novelist in China.  But how about her tens of millions of readers, even hundreds of millions of readers?  Who cares about those poisoned, mislead, contaminated young poor readers?

According to laws, if someone causes irreparable damages to others, he or she may risk to face a trial, a prosecution. If a novelist succeeded in causing irreparable damages to millions and millions of readers, what is the consequence? Become a celebrity and a nouveau rich?

Let me come back to my main point.

Our world and our society are not perfect, nor ideal. Idealism and perfectionism don’t work. So just forget the fairy tales fabricated by Ms. 瓊瑤。 Let us face the reality and live in a real world.

In the real world in which we are living, love and marriage are often two distinct things. They are not always the same. Love and romance cannot always lead to a happy marriage. Getting married to another person, it is much more than just living with your spouse, you get married to a new lifestyle, a new way of life, a new small society around you. On one word, you will become a new person.

What are the differences between love and marriage? The most famous and successful Chinese young pianist LANG Lang 朗朗 answered this question in a good way. In fact, he didn’t answer to this question in a direct way, but rather in an indirect way.

While giving an interview to CNN, he told about his hobbies, besides his concerts, his daily piano exercises, he likes also to sing Chinese pop songs, he imitates signer ZHOU Jielun, 周傑倫sometimes, he plays Chinese traditional chest with his father, he likes writing also, writes some short articles. But of course he is totally aware that his career is build on the piano. His identity and statue is a first and most a professional pianist. He is not  周傑倫，he cannot compete with 周傑倫 in pop songs. He is not 聶衛平. He has no chance to revive the exploits of 聶衛平 in 1980s, five consecutive victories against the Japanese top players. He cannot dream of writing as well as professor於丹

So when it comes to my career, I often say: where is my piano?

My conclusion is: pop songs, chest, writing are your love and romance, but in the bottom of your heart, you should clearly know that you are not 聶衛平，neither 周傑倫，nor 於丹，these are your hobbies. When it comes to your marriage, you should ask the same question as Lang Lang did : “ where is my piano? ”

Your piano is your marriage, your identity, your lifestyle, your all future.

Each girl and boy must be aware of what your piano is and where your piano is, that implies to know who you are， where you are now and what you really want.

 

 

 

 

[smilha]

Very good points! Especially those points are from a very young chinese girl like you....

i emailed you a while ago.....good luck to your life in Switsland (poor spelling...)

[雄鷹展翅]

Interesting and impressive. You showed more mature than your age.

Marriage is not equal to love even though sometime they happen to be together. You should follow your feeling without condition when you are looking for love, you should not follow your feeling when you are looking for marriage.