My Parents

My Father

Today is the 31 anniversary of my father's passing-away day. I have always wanted to write something about my father since that unforgettable day 31 years ago, and now I finally have the opportunity to do so.

 

My father was born into a big peasant family in 1923 in southern China. He had three brothers and two sisters. As a result of hard work by him and his brothers, my father’s family became relatively well off in 1949, and had achieved a lower-middle-farmer’s affluence.

 

In mid 1940s, my father was forcibly taken by the nationalist army, in which he served as a cook. At some stage, he suffered a severe bout of malaria, and left in bed unattended. When he became too thirsty, there was no one at hand to even give him some drinking water. Unable to get up himself, he drank the water under his bed, which had been used to wash feet many days before.

 

When he slowly recovered from the illness, he decided to escape. One day, he went with two officers to buy supplies at a nearby market. On the way home, my father dropped his buckets, and ran for his life. The two officers chased him, and even fired a few shots at him. Luckily, the bullets did not get him. After jumping into a pond with a bunch of reeds, he hided there until later in the evening, and then found his way home eventually.

 

In the early 1950s, my father heard that some villagers nearby found jobs in a tungsten mine far away. He decided to try his luck there as well. One evening, he quietly departed the village with a couple of his friends, in order not to let others know their whereabouts, in case many people going there together might ruin their chance of getting employment in the mine.

 

The job in the mine was hard, but at least it paid a little better than working in the farm. As a largely ill-educated farmer, my father knew nothing about the danger of mine dusts. In fact, even during lunch breaks, he would stay inside the mine tunnels, where it is always cool in summer and warm in winter. In the end, my father developed severe miner’s lung disease within the period of a few short years.

 

As he became unfit to work in the mine tunnels, he was transferred to perform duties outside for a number of years, and finally became an invalid pensioner by 1969. An enduring memory of mine about my father was largely made of a sick patient, who had constant difficulty in breathing, coughed a lot and had bouts of unbearable chest pains.

 

While as a father, he was intensely proud of my school records. Every time when I got my exam papers back, he would try to read every line of them (as to how much he could understand it, I was not sure). He would then take my exam papers and showed them to a neighbor who also had a son in my class, and asked him what his son's scores were. My father would say to me that as long as you learned some useful skills, you would survive in whatever societies.

 

When his chest pains were not too severe, he would help some of his co-workers writing letters home, who did not know how to write characters while my father had at least four year schooling before. There was no doubt that my father cherished living, as he would try anything perceived to be good for his health and for his recovery. He even ate boiled placenta, which somehow worsened his disease and sped up the trip to his final destiny.

 

I was not in his bedside the day when he passed away, but I was with him day and night for a fortnight just a couple of days before his last breath. What I witnessed would remain with me forever, those intolerable chest pains, those suffocating breaths, those dripping perspirations, and those desperate desires for life. May my father rest in peace in his eternal world.

 

 我的母親
本文由 tugofwar 在 2005-8-19 05:27 發表於: 倍可親.美國 ( backchina.com )

 

我們每個人都有一個屬於自己的母親。也許我們各自的母親在身世高低，性情緩急與學問深淺等方麵迥然而異，但她們都有一個共同特點，那就是，我們的母親都會通過特定的方式，展現出其寬宏大度，忘我獻身的母愛。

我的母親祖籍湘東, 於1９２7年出生在一個貧困的農民家庭裏。母親共有三個兄弟，倆個姐妹。由於外祖父是個整日沉湎於麻將牌局的不屑之輩，幾近文盲的外婆隻得靠替人縫縫補補艱難度日。母親勉強讀了兩年書，就迫於家境，輟學幫助外婆維持生計。

為了減輕家中生活壓力，母親十來歲就拜當地一位裁縫師傅學藝。前三年，除了吃住，分文不取，為師傅忙裏忙外，未能學到點滴裁剪與縫紉的技術。三年後，師傅才許動手，但凡事都得自留心眼，觀察牢記。師傅從不會有頭有序，把手指教。偶有失誤，師傅的銅尺就會披頭蓋腦打來。個中苦處，隻有母親心裏知道。這樣又熬了不掙分文的三年，母親總算出師了。盡管學徒期間曆經千辛萬苦，母親學到的裁縫技藝，為未來的生活提供了保障。

一九四十年代末，母親出嫁了。當時因為買不起縫紉機，隻得用針線手工, 為人縫製衣服。一九五十年代初，父親聽說南方有一鎢礦招工，就夥同鄰村幾人，前去謀生。盡管礦山工作環境惡劣，任務艱巨，但礦工的微薄收入比起農民來還是稍強點。幾年後，母親攜家帶口，搬到礦山。這時候，家裏已有我們兄弟姐妹四個。母親一邊在家照看孩子，一邊幫人縫紉，以彌補家用。

隨著三年自然災害的來臨，礦山提供給職工家屬的定量口糧驟減。父親整日擔負著繁重的體力勞動，缺乏足夠的營養，終於病倒了。我也由於饑餓，患上重病，四肢幹瘦，肚皮鼓漲，幾近喪命。眼見全家饑饉窘況，母親毅然決定帶著一歲多的我和六歲的哥哥，到外地謀生。這樣省下口糧，可讓父親和我的倆個姐姐苟且生存。母親挑著一副重擔，一邊是坐在籮筐裏的我，另一邊是沉甸甸的縫紉機。我六歲的哥哥，跟在一旁。乘火車，轉汽車，東奔西走，背井離鄉，為人縫紉，糊口度日。這樣，在外一晃就是數年。直到饑荒漸緩，母親才領著我和哥哥，回到礦山。顯而易見，沒有母親那些年吃盡苦中苦，受盡累中累，我們一家是免不了家破人亡的。

沒平靜多久，文化大革命運動開始了。盡管三年自然災害的景況仍然曆曆在目，作為一個文化水平低下，階級感情樸素的勞動婦女，母親對黨和國家的忠誠與信賴，是堅定不移的。學雷鋒做好事，她一馬當先，自告奮勇。援越抗美募捐，她四處奔走，慷慨解囊。突出政治思想，她省吃儉用，自訂紅旗雜誌，自購馬列原著。培養革命後代，她為兒女每人購置紅寶書，督促兒女活學活用。憑著兩年的文化水平，母親自學《共產黨宣言》。結果，書中的“幽靈”把她攪得頭暈耳旋，引起早發的更年期症狀。

由於父母親收入微薄，兒女眾多，家庭經濟一直處於緊張，拮據狀態。可是，母親從來沒有因此放棄對家鄉老人的資助。每隔半年，她都會給雙方的父母親各寄上一筆錢, 直到雙方的老人都去世為止。到兒女後來逐漸長大自理，母親一生的所有餘款就隻剩八百元了。

痛感缺乏文化的苦楚，母親十分重視兒女的教育。隻要兒女有心，她就竭盡全力，讓兒女完成學業。在我高中一年級時，父親因患職業性矽肺病辭世。根據當時條件，我可以頂職做礦工。所有的親朋好友都覺得工作機會難得，而且讀書多了也不一定有用。可母親不願我再步父親那悲劇般一生的後塵，頂住世俗，堅持讓我讀完高中。不容置疑，沒有母親當年的執著，我必定成為一個四肢發達，頭腦簡單的礦工了。為此，我由衷感激母親的堅定信念和遠大目光。

高中畢業後，作為回鄉知青，我在曾養育父親母親的一山一水，進行了一番親身體驗。二年後，我有幸參加文革後首次高考。我不負母親的厚望，順利地成了我們家族有記憶以來的第一個大學生。可想而知，母親當時的興奮與慰籍之情，不是三言兩語就可描寫出來。讓母親更為驕傲的是，我大學一畢業，就考取出國研究生，榮獲到國外深造的機會。從臨別的話語中，我體會到母親依依不舍的情感。但是，為了我的學業，她把一切都深深地埋在心底。

光陰似箭。在出國後的第二個春節，我有幸回家探望母親。整整一個月裏，我幾乎都待在母親身旁，敘別離之情，享天倫之樂。為了讓母親更好地安度晚年，我替她買了一台彩電。母親按捺不住心中的喜悅, 逢人便說。也許是怕影響我的學業，母親沒有談及她與我哥嫂相處的困境。母親隻期望我能早日結業，與家庭團聚，為國家作貢獻。

又過了三年，我的畢業論文終於通過了。當我把自己的畢業照片寄給母親時，她的高興與驕傲是不可比擬, 無法形容的。可是，當我告訴她，國外有一個能讓我學到更多技藝的工作時，母親的心頓時收緊了。雖然在來信中，母親總是說，隻要對我工作有益，就不妨待下去。我沒加思索，便信以為真。

不久，我從姐姐的來信中了解到，由於哥哥嫂嫂對母親不好，母親由於精神壓抑去世了。這消息象晴天霹靂，讓我深感意外，震驚。我在外這些年，母親和家裏人，從來都沒有向我透露過此類消息, 唯恐我的學業受影響。過後，我方如夢初醒。原來，我是母親最後幾年的精神支柱。當我也因各種理由推遲返回時，她的精神支柱徹底地崩潰了。可惜，人是沒有後悔藥吃的。如果早知內情，一畢業，我就會毫不遲疑地回到母親身邊。

我母親生不逢時，在多戧的歲月中度過了忙忙碌碌的一生的。通過其清純樸實的性格，吃苦耐勞的本色，堅韌不拔的意誌, 和寬容包涵的理性, 我的母親給兒女留下了刻骨銘心的記憶和奮發向上的勇氣。我永遠忘不了母親的養育之恩，無私奉獻。我為失去報孝母愛的機會而愧憾終生。

[Tigerbalm]

Yes, it was hard. For this reason, I will take a few days off in order to regain my composure. I still have a hard one to work on though, which is about my mother.

[紅小兵]

it must be real hard to write something like this.