The Four Loves

I am in the middle of reading a book called The Four Loves .C.S. Lewis is one of the famous authors who helped popularize the four kinds or types of love.

Storge refers to familial love. It is evident, for example, in the warm affection that parents have toward their children. If you're a parent, you know what I'm talking about when you rock your little child to sleep at night. I remember one particular incident when my daughter Jennifer was just a baby, and I was a brand new daddy. (Jennifer was our first). She was having a tough time sleeping, and I was tired. I wanted her to sleep, so I was rocking her -- trying to get her to sleep. She wouldn't. She wasn't tired. Well, after awhile, I was dozing, but she wasn't. I finally woke up enough to focus - and there she was, her big eyes just inches from mine, staring into me. I could almost hear her say: "Don't sleep, Daddy. Look at me instead." I laughed hysterically and held her tightly. I oozed love and affection. This of course is just one memory of many, but it is a perfect example of storge love. A deep and abiding affection.

Eros is the desire to draw out all that is good, beautiful and true. It is motivated by need. It's often understood to refer primarily to sex, but that's really only one part of it - albeit a significant part. Eros involves the emotional need to elicit physical love and affection ("beautiful expression" in general) from the one you love. In most contexts, this involves a romantic kind of love. Sadly, our society has cheapened this type of love - and it seems to be the only kind of love that's celebrated in our entertainment culture. (And frankly it's only "celebrated" in a one-dimensional and often exploitative manner). For a biblical picture of erotic love, you need go no further than the Song of Solomon.

Philia is Friendship Love. It is not sexual in nature, though (in the right circumstance) it can lead to or complement Eros. Philia is the kind of bond seen in Scripture between David and Jonathan. It's the kind of love talked about by Jesus, who said: "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." Philia is the embodiment of everything a true, meaningful friendship represents. I have often counseled teenagers that they should pursue Philia love with a prospective girlfriend or boyfriend well before they contemplate any other kind of love. The exception to that is....

Agape love is the selfless love for others. In Exodus 32, Moses confronts God and asks forgiveness for the people of Israel. God refuses, at first, to forgive them, but allows that no penalty or sin is on Moses' head. Moses isn't satisfied, and casts his fate with those of the people. If God won't forgive the people of Israel, then Moses wants to be punished along with them. THAT is Agape love. It is, in fact, a picture of what Jesus did on the cross for our sins. Selfless, sacrificial love - in which nothing is asked in return. This is the kind of love that everyone should pursue.