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周末一笑：最佳興奮劑(轉載)

(2017-03-24 16:48:49) 下一個

1 最佳興奮劑

A patient said to his doctor, "Doc, please give me something that will stimulate me, excite me, and put me in a, very, very highly stimulated spirit, a fighting, excited spirit."

So the doctor said, "Don't worry, take this, and after you see the bill, you will have all these feelings."

病人跟醫生說：“醫生，請給我一些可以振奮、刺激、充滿鬥誌的藥。”

醫生說：“別擔心，這個拿去，看到這張帳單以後，你要的這些就都會有了。”

2 羅馬是什麽時候建成的?

Teacher: When was Rome built?

Tom: At night.

Teacher: Who told you that?

Tom: You did. You said Rome wasn't built in a day.

教師：羅馬是什麽時候建成的?

湯姆：夜裏。

教師：誰跟你這麽說的?

湯姆：是您。您說過羅馬不是在一個白天建成的。

3 射擊不行

Peter joined the army when he was eighteen, and for several months he was taught how to be a good soldier. He did quite well in everything except shooting.

One day he and his friends were practicing their shooting, and all of them were doing quite well except Peter. After he had shot at the target nine times and had not hit it once, the officer who was trying to teach the young soldiers to shoot said, “You're quite hopeless, Peter! Don't waste your last bullet too! Go behind that wall and shoot yourself with it!”

Peter felt ashamed. He went behind the wall, and a few seconds later the officer and the other young soldiers heard a shot.

Heavens! The officer said. “Has that silly man really shot himself?”

He ran behind the wall anxiously, but Peter was all right. “I'm sorry, sir, ”he said, “but I missed again.”

彼得十八歲那年參了軍，他需要參加幾個月的學習以成為一名好士兵。彼得在其他方麵都做得很好，但是射擊不行。

一天他和夥伴們練習射擊，除了彼得其他人都沒有問題。他射了九次，一次也沒有命中目標。這時，教新兵射擊的教官說：“彼得，你看來是沒希望了，不要連最後一發子彈都浪費掉!去那堵牆後麵用它向自己打一槍吧。”

彼得感到非常慚愧。他走到那堵牆後麵。幾秒鍾後，教官和新兵們聽到一聲槍響。

“上帝!”教官叫起來，“難道那個笨蛋真的朝自己開槍了?”

他急忙跑到那堵牆後麵，發現彼得安然無恙。“對不起，長官，”他說，“我還是沒有命中。”

4 爸爸昨天很忙

One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very pleased and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim. What happened? Did your father help you?"

"No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself," said Tim.

一天，蒂姆的數學老師看了他的作業，發現他全做對了。老師很高興，同時也十分驚訝。他把蒂姆叫到桌前說：“蒂姆，你這次的作業全都做對了，怎麽回事?你爸爸幫你做了嗎?”

“不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。”

5 聰明的馬

There was a farmer who fell and broke his hip while he was plowing, and his horse immediately galloped five miles to the nearest town and returned, carrying a doctor on his back.

"That’s a pretty smart horse," the farmer’s friend later observed.

"Well, he’s not really so smart," the farmer said. "The doctor he brought back was a veterinarian!"

一位農夫在犁田時，不慎跌倒摔傷了髖關節，他的馬立即飛奔到五英裏外最近的小鎮，載了一位醫生回來。

一個農夫的朋友看到後便誇讚說：“你這匹馬真是聰明!”

農夫說：“也沒有你想的那麽聰明啦!它帶來的是一位獸醫!”

6 一天洗三次澡

Brown: I'm sorry to see you so unwell. Have you seen the doctor?

Jack: Yes. I'm having three baths a day.

Brown: What for?

Jack: Don't know, doctor's orders. He gave me some medicine and told me to follow the directions on the bottle, which read:" One tablespoonful to be taken three times a day in water."

布朗：看到你身體這樣不好真讓人難過。你去看醫生了嗎?

傑克：看過了，我現在一天洗三次澡。

布朗：為什麽?

傑克：我也不知道，這是醫生的囑咐。他給了我一些藥並告訴我要按照藥瓶上的說明去做。說明上麵寫著“一天三次在水中服一湯匙。”

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