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周末一笑: 失眠(轉載)

(2015-12-11 17:31:15) 下一個

1 失眠/Insomnia

A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you." "I know" said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone."

有一個男的去看醫生，訴說著失眠的苦惱。醫生給他做了一次完整的檢查，完全找不到他身體有任何毛病，然後告訴他；“你聽好，如果你希望治療好你的失眠，你就必須停止把你的煩惱跟著你帶上床。”這個男的說：“我知道呀，但是我沒辦法呀，我老婆不肯一個人睡嘛！”

2 一封感謝信/A Thank-you Note

　　Once I received a thank-you note from a friend whom I had helped. In the envelope were five lottery tickets that had been scratched, revealing the numbers. "Thank you very much for your help," the note read. "As a gift, I bought you some lottery tickets- sorry you didn't win. "

　　有一次，我收到一封感謝信，是一個我曾幫助過的朋友寄來的。信封內有五張彩票，都被刮過了，露出了數字。“非常感謝您的幫助，”信上寫道，“作為禮物，我給您買了些彩票----真遺憾，您沒中獎。”

3 兔子的論文/ the Rabbit’s thesis.

It's a fine sunny day in the forest, and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.

Fox: "What are you working on?"

Rabbit: "My thesis."

Fox: "Hmmm. What's it about?"

Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."

Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes."

Rabbit: "Sure they do, and I can prove it. Come with me."

They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After a few minutes, the rabbit returns, alone, to his typewriter and resumes typing.

Soon, a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.

Wolf: "What's that you're writing?"

Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."

Wolf: "You don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"

Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"

The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow, and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.

Inside the rabbit's burrow: In one corner, there is a pile of fox bones. In another corner, a pile of wolf bones. On the other side of the room, a huge lion is belching and picking his teeth.

It doesn't matter what you choose for a thesis subject.

It doesn't matter what you use for data.

What does matter is who you have for a thesis advisor.

這是一個陽光燦爛的晴朗日子，森林裏一隻小兔子坐在洞穴外，在打字機上敲敲打打。這時一隻散步的狐狸走了過來。

狐狸：“你在做什麽呢？”

兔子：“寫我的論文。”

狐狸：“唔，是關於什麽的？”

兔子：“噢，我在寫兔子是怎樣吃掉狐狸的。”

狐狸：“你太搞笑了吧！誰都知道兔子不吃狐狸。”

兔子：“兔子當然吃，我能證明的。跟我來。”

它們一起消失在兔子的洞穴裏，幾分鍾後隻有兔子獨自出來了。它回到打字機前繼續敲打。

很快，一隻狼走了過來，停下看著兔子奮力工作。

狼：“你在寫什麽呢？”

兔子：“我在寫論文，關於兔子如何吃掉狼。”

狼：“你不會指望這種垃圾論文被發表吧！”

兔子：“能發表，你想知道為什麽嗎？”

兔子和狼一起進了洞穴，而兔子又一次獨自走了出來。幾分鍾後它繼續打字。

兔子洞穴裏：一個角落裏是一堆狐狸骨頭，另一角落裏是一堆狼骨頭。而另一側是一隻獅子，它邊打著飽嗝，邊剔著牙齒。

論文的題目選什麽無關緊要。

你用什麽作為例證數據也無關緊要。

真正重要的是：你的論文導師是誰！

4 買麵包/Buy buns

A little rabbit bounced to the bakery and asked: "Boss, do you have 100 small buns?" Boss: "Ah, I'm sorry, we don’t have so much." "Oh, that’s it." the rabbit walked away crestfallen. The next day, the little rabbit bounced to the bakery, "Boss, are there 100 small buns?" Boss: "Sorry, we still do not have," "Oh, that’s it." the rabbit walked away dejected. On the third day, the little rabbit bounced to the bakery, "Boss, are there 100 small buns?" the boss said happily: "Yes, yes, today we have a hundred small buns!! "the rabbit pulled out money: "Great, I buy two! "

小白兔蹦蹦跳跳到麵包房，問：“老板，你們有沒有一百個小麵包啊？” 老板：“啊，真抱歉，沒有那麽多”“這樣啊。。。”小白兔垂頭喪氣地走了。第二天，小白兔蹦蹦跳跳到麵包房,“老板，有沒有一百個小麵包啊？” 老板：“對不起，還是沒有啊”“這樣啊。。。”小白兔又垂頭喪氣地走了。第三天，小白兔蹦蹦跳跳到麵包房,“老板，有沒有一百個小麵包啊？”老板高興的說：“有了，有了，今天我們有一百個小麵包了！！” 小白兔掏出錢：“太好了，我買兩個！”

5 他真是一個大人物/He is really somebody

A: My uncle has 1000 men under him.

B: He is really somebody. What does he do?

A: A maintenance man in a cemetery.

A: 我叔叔下麵有1000個人。

B: 他真是一個大人物。幹什麽的？

A: 墓地守墓人。

6 世界上什麽最大?/What's the biggest in the world?

Peter dozed off while his teacher was talking.

Teacher: Peter! Tell us, what's the biggest in the world?

Peter: Well, well, eyelids.

Teacher: What? Eyelids?