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周末一笑: 候診室(轉載)

(2015-10-23 16:38:54) 下一個

1 候診室

This woman is rushed to the hospital in critical condition. Her husband waits patiently in the waiting room. After a few minutes, the doctor comes out and asks her assistant for a wrench, which understandably concerns the husband.

Then, after a couple more moments, the doctor re-enters the room this time asking for a screwdriver. The man grows worried and begins to pace in circles.

Then, a little later, the doctor bursts through the doors screaming for a hammer, at that, the husband, in a state of frenzied terror, runs up to the surgeon and asks, ''Doctor, what the heck is wrong with my wife?''

"I don't know," replies the flustered doctor, "I can't get my damn bag open."

這名婦女病危被送往醫院。她的丈夫耐心地等待在候診室。幾分鍾後，醫生出來，並讓她的助理找一個扳手，這引起丈夫的關心是可以理解的。

又過了一會兒，醫生再次進入房間來要螺絲刀。該名男子的擔憂增長，並開始踱步轉圈子。

然後，過了一會兒，醫生衝出門尖叫著要錘子，這時，丈夫嚇壞了，跑到外科醫生那兒問“醫生，我的妻子到底怎麽了？”

“我不知道，” 醫生慌張地回答，“我打不開我那該死的袋子。”

2 預後

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."

"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

男子告訴他的醫生說，他不能夠象以前一樣做一切有關他房子的事情。當檢查完畢，他說，“現在，醫生，我能挺住。用簡單的英語告訴我我怎麽了。”

“好，用簡單的英語，”醫生回答說：“你隻是懶惰。”

“好吧，”那人說。“現在給我醫學術語，所以我可以告訴我的妻子。”

3 小約翰尼的預後

A young mother was having a consultation with a doctor. As they spoke, her Little Johnny could clearly be heard terrorizing the people in the waiting room - yet she made no attempt to restrain him.

Soon they heard some clattering in an adjoining room, but still she did nothing. Finally, after an extra-loud crash, the woman casually told the doctor, "I hope you don't mind my Little Johnny playing in there."

"No, not at all," said the doctor calmly. "I'm sure he'll calm down as soon as he finds the poison."

一位年輕的母親在和醫生進行谘詢。當他們說話的時候，可以清楚地聽到她的小約翰尼恐嚇在等候室的人 - 但她並沒有試圖製止他。

不久，他們聽到隔壁房間裏的一些鏗鏘作響，但她還是什麽也沒做。最後，一個很大的一聲巨響後，該女子漫不經心地告訴醫生，“我希望你不介意我的小約翰尼在那裏玩。”

“不，一點也不，”醫生從容地說。“我敢肯定，當他發現了毒藥，他會冷靜下來。”

4 激動時刻

In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.

The instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, "A basketball coach?"

在一個異常心理課上，教師將介紹躁狂抑鬱症的主題。

教師問：“你怎麽診斷一個來回走動，用最高的聲音尖叫一分鍾，然後坐在椅子上控製不住地哭泣的病人？”

一名年輕男子在後麵舉起手，並認真地建議，“一個籃球教練？”

5 羅孚磚

A policeman is walking down the road when he sees a man with a brick tied to a dog leash. He decides to go and humor him. He walks up to the man and says, ''Hello, sir, I like your dog!''

The man looks at the brick, then the policeman, and says, ''It's not a dog, it's a brick.''

The policeman replies, ''Oh, sorry, I thought you were a bit mad,'' and walks off rather puzzled.

As the policeman goes out of sight, the man turns to the brick and says, ''That fooled him, didn't it Rover?''

一名警察走在路上時，看到一名男子用拴狗皮帶係著一塊磚。他決定去逗逗他。他走向那人，說，“你好，先生，我很喜歡你的狗！”

該名男子看著磚，然後轉向警察，說，“這不是一隻狗，它是一塊磚。”

警察回答，“哦，對不起，我以為你有點發瘋了。”然後頗為不解地走開。

當警察淡出人們的視線後，該男子轉身對磚說，“這愚弄了他，是不是，羅孚？”

6 生病的丈夫

There was a husband and a wife. The husband was very sick, so the wife took him to the hospital and the doctor checked him out. Then the doctor asked the wife to come into his office so they could talk about what was wrong with her husband.

He explained that, if she wanted her husband to live, she would have to pamper him, wait on him hand and foot, and not challenge him or argue with him -- her husband needed absolute rest and no stress whatsoever. However, if her husband did any work or moved around much or got upset about anything, he would die. The doctor asked if she understood these conditions, and the wife assured him that she did.

When the wife came out, the husband asked her, “so what is the matter with me? Am I going to die?” And the wife said, “Yes, honey, I'm afraid you're going to die.”

有一個丈夫和一個妻子。丈夫病得很重，所以妻子把他送到醫院，醫生做了檢查。然後醫生讓妻子來到他的辦公室，以便他們可以談論她的丈夫的情況。

他解釋說，如果她想讓她的丈夫活著，她將不得不縱容他，特別好地照顧他，不能與他爭辯或挑戰 - 她的丈夫需要絕對的休息，也不能有任何壓力。但是，如果她的丈夫做了什麽工作或移動太多或生了氣了，他會死的。醫生問她是否了解這些情況，妻子向他保證，她能做到。

當妻子出來了，丈夫問她，“那麽，我是怎麽回事？難道我就要死了嗎？”老婆說：“是的，親愛的，恐怕你會死的。”

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