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周末一笑: 警察的熱心(轉載)

(2015-08-14 19:38:23) 下一個

1 警察的熱心

I was surprised to learn that my 72-year-old mother dared to drive 900 miles in a 12-year-old car to visit me. When asked how she made out, she told me just fine...until her second night. She had filled the gas tank and didn't have the money for a motel room.

"What did you do?" I asked.

" Well, "she began, “I was driving through this small town and feeling very sleepy. A policeman pulled me over and asked if I had been drinking. When I told him no, he wanted to know why I was weaving all over the road, I explained my situation, ’‘Follow me, ”he ordered. We then drove to a motel where the nice officer paid for my night's lodging.

"As he was leaving, " Mother continued, ”he turned to me and said, ‘Ma'am，the next time you have to visit your daughter, please take another route.'”

當聽說我72歲的母親居然開著12年的舊車行駛了900英裏來看我時，我真有些吃驚。在我問她是如何做的時候，她告訴我她一切都好，隻是到了第二天晚上，給汽車加油後卻沒有住旅館的錢。

“那你怎麽辦了?”我問道。

她說:“嗨，我開到這個鎮子時，感到很困，一位警寨叫住了我。他問我是否喝了酒，我說沒喝。警察問我為什麽開車在路上打晃晃。於是我解釋了我的情況。他命令道:“跟我走。”就這樣，我們就開到了一個汽車旅館。警察替我付了住店費。

媽媽接著說:“他離開時，轉過身，衝著我說:‘夫人，你下次要看女兒時，請走另一條路線吧！’”

2 副作用

One morning I opened the door to get the newspaper and was surprised to see a strange little dog with our paper in his mouth. Delighted with this unexpected “delivery Service", I fed him some treats. The following morning I was horrified to see the same dog sitting in front of our door wagging his tail, surrounded by eight newspapers.

I spent the rest of that morning returning the papers to their owners.

有一天，我開門取報紙，驚奇地發現報紙被一條陌生的小狗叼著。我為這種送報服務惑到很高興，於是就喂了小的一些吃的。第二天早上，我驚奇地發現那條小狗趴在門口，衝我搖著尾巴，它周圍放著八份報紙。

我用了整整一上午的時間，才把那些報紙發還給了它們的主人。

3 母親與教師

I teach middle-school choir and occasionally have my own children in class. One day my son asked if he could have a pencil. As a teacher, I normally do not lend items to unprepared students; but as a mother, I help my children whenever I can. I asked my son whether he was speaking to his teacher or his mother. He replied, “It depends on who has the pencil."

我教初中的唱詩班，偶爾會教到自己的孩子。一天，我兒子問我是否能借給他一支鉛筆。作為一位老師，我一般不借東西給那些不做課堂準備的學生。但作為一位母親，我應隨時幫助我的孩子。於是，我問兒子他是在跟老師說話，還是在跟母親說話。而他卻說:“那要看誰有鉛筆了。”

4 挑戰

A woman found a note on the coffee-shop menu: "We will pay you$10 if you order a sandwich we can't make.” She ordered an elephant-ear sandwich. After several minutes, the waitress returned and said, ”Here's your $ 10,ma'am. We can't make that sandwich."

“I'm not surprised," answered the woman. “Where would you ever get elephant ears?"

"Oh, it's not the ears," said the waitress. ”We're out of those big buns."

一位婦女在一家咖啡廳的菜單上看到這樣一句話:“如果您點了一個我們沒有的三明治，我們將送您十美元。”於是，她點了一個大象耳朵三明治。過了幾分鍾，服務員回來了，對她說:“這是給您的十美元，太太.我們做不了您要的三明冶。”

“我不會吃驚的，”那位婦女說:“你們哪兒能搞到大象的耳朵呀?”

“不是大象耳朵的事，”服務員說:“我們把用來夾它的大麵包用光了。”

5 新朋友

When my wife, Diana, and I met a new couple at church one Sunday, we stopped to introduce ourselves and to exchange pleasantries. We described the friendly neighborhood we lived in, and listened sympathetically as they lamented that theirs was just the opposite.

Saying our good-byes, we got in our cars and drove home. As we approached our house, we were horrified to see that our new-found friends were pulling into the driveway next to ours.

一個星期天，我和妻子戴安娜去教堂時，碰到了一對新婚的夫婦。於是，我們停下車，向他們做了自我介紹，我們之間還表達了相互認識的喜悅之情。我們的話題開始談到了鄰居，我們說我們的鄰居如何如何的好。當他們說到他們的鄰居恰恰相反時，我們表示了對他們的同情。

後來，我們向他們道了別，開車回到了家。當我們把車子開到家門口時，我們驚奇地發現我們新結識的那對新婚夫婦把車停在了隔璧的停車道上。

6 我當您的兒子

Shortly after our teen-age son started his first job at a family restaurant, we decided to surprise him by having dinner there one night. I was warned by other family members not to embarrass him by making it obvious I was his mother. Being an exuberant parent, I found this difficult but managed to act like other customers. I kept my head bent over the menu and politely accepted silverware and a glass of water---all without glancing up.

I realized I may have been a bit too successful in keeping my distance when my son stared pointedly at me and said, “Hello, my name is Andrew, and I'll be your son for this evening.”

我們上中學的兒子開始在一家餐館打工做招待不久，我們決定找個晚上到他打工的餐館吃頓飯，讓他大吃一驚。家裏的其他人告誡我千萬不要顯示出我是他的媽媽，以免讓他感到難為情。但是，我是個開朗的母親，要想做到這點確實很難。但我還是裝作像其他顧客一樣。我低著頭看著菜單，很禮貌地接過餐具和一杯水，眼睛始終沒敢抬。

我感到這個分寸保持得太成功了。這時我們的兒子緊盯著我說:“你好，我叫安德普，今晚為您服務，您就把我當成是您的兒子好了。”

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