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1 稱讚 Praise
Mrs. White asked Mr. White: “Is this suit beautiful?”
Mr. White answered: “Whatever you wear is beautiful.”
“How about the necklace?” ”Any necklace around your neck is nice.”
“Do you think my husband handsome?” “Darling, no matter which man stands beside you, he is handsome.”
“Do you think my husband handsome?” “Darling, no matter which man stands beside you, he is handsome.”
懷特太太問懷特先生:“我這套衣服好看嗎?“
懷特先生說:“任何衣服穿在你身上都好看見!”
“那我戴著這條項鏈好看嗎?”“任何項鏈戴在你脖子上都好看!”“那你說我先生好看嗎?”“親愛的,任何一個先生站在你身邊都好看!”
2 一位了不起的天才 A Remarkable Talent
"Did you know I could tell time by the piano?" asked one friend of another.
"You're kidding," replied his companion dubiously.
"I'll show you," said the first man as he sat down at the piano and started to hammer out a martial tune.
Within seconds came a pounding on the wall, and an angry voice shouting,
"Hey, you son of a bitch, don’t you realize it’s three o’clock in the morning?"
“你相信我可以由鋼琴知道現在幾點鍾嗎？’一位老兄向他的朋友問道。
“別開玩笑了！”他的朋友懷疑地回答。
“那我試給你看，”說著那位老兄就坐在鋼琴前開始彈起一首進行曲。
幾秒鍾後牆壁傳來捶打聲，一個憤怒的聲音叫道：
“嘿！你他媽的，你知不知道現在是淩晨三點鍾？”
3 一個早熟的小孩 A Precocious Child
When the door-to-door salesman rang the doorbell of the suburban home, he was taken aback when a 10-year-old boy opened the door smoking a big cigar. The salesman could only stammer out, "Er, is your mother at home?" Answered the boy, "What do you think?"
當挨家挨戶兜售東西的推銷員按了一幢郊區房子的門鈴後，他嚇了一跳，開門的竟是一位嘴裏叼著一根大雪茄的十歲男孩。推銷員結結巴巴地問道，“哦，你媽媽在家嗎？”小男孩回答說，"你認為呢?"
4 天氣預報 Weather forecast
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "It will rain tomorrow." The next day it rained.
A week later, the Indian went up to the director again and said, "There will be a storm tomorrow." The next day there was a storm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.
However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot an important scene tomorrow," said the director. "And I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"
The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know," he said. "My radio is broken."
一個電影攝製組在沙漠深處進行拍攝。一天,一個印度老人來到導演麵前對他說:“明天會下雨。”第二天果然下雨了。
一周以後,印度人又來了,他告訴導演說:“明天會有暴風雨。”果然,第二天有暴風雨。
“這個印度人真神,”導演說。他告訴他的秘書去雇傭這個印度人來預測天氣。
然而,幾次預測天氣成功之後,這個印度人連續兩周沒有露麵。
最後,導演派人把這個印度人請來了。導演對他說:“我明天必須拍攝一個很重要的場景,全都指望你了,明天天氣如何啊?”
這個印度人聳了聳肩說道:“我不知道,我的收音機壞了。”
5 第四元素 The Fourth Element
Teacher: What are the four element of nature?
Student: Fire, air, earth, and... and ...
Teacher: And what? Just think it over, what do you wash your hands with?
Student: Soap!
老師：自然界的四大元素是什麽?
學生：火、氣、土。。。和。。。
老師：和什麽?想一想，你用什麽洗手的?
學生：肥皂。
6 小心有狗 Beware of dog
As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door.
Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register.
"Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner.
"Yep, that's him," came the reply.
The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"
"Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"
一名陌生人走進一家鄉間小商店，看到玻璃門上帖著的一個告示牌上寫著，“危險! 小心有狗!”
進去後，他看到一條樣子一點都不凶的老狗趴在收款機旁邊的地板上睡覺。
“這就是大夥都得留神的那隻狗啊?”陌生人問店主。
“是，就是他”，店主回答。
聽到這個回答，陌生人覺得很好笑。“我覺得那條狗一點都不可怕。你帖那個告示做什麽?”
“因為，”店主解釋說，“在我帖告示之前，大夥老被他絆倒。”
(from internet)
問好白開水,新春快樂!
君子好!
周末快樂! 情人節快樂!
問好懶風! 周末快樂!
Ｈａｐｐｙ Ｖａｌｅｎｔｉｎｅ＇ｓ Ｄａｙ， 鬆鬆！
fengdaming好! 你寫的笑話太逗了, 小孩子聰明極了:)
謝謝你的分享, 周末快樂!
薩蘭烏好! 很高興你喜歡:)
歡迎你來玩, 周末快樂!
小小好! 很高興你喜歡這貼:)
小小, 周末快樂!
點點好! 我也以為那個印第安人有特殊才賦呢, 原來是聽了收音機~
點點, 周末快樂!
哈哈, 雪花, 那個老公太會說話了, 誇著誇著就把自己給誇了:)
雪花, 情人節快樂!
母親：你房間就像個豬圈，還不趕快打掃！
兒子：哪個豬圈是豬自己打掃的？
周末節日快樂！：））
貝卡好! 謝謝你喜歡:)
也祝貝卡和家人情人節快樂!
是啊,才10歲就抽煙,太早了!
娃娃樂,情人節快樂!
問好翛然, 情人節快樂!
紐約美眉好! 喜歡你的咖啡和白富美的故事,咖啡醇香美麗, 美人的故事動人!
紐約美眉, 周末快樂!
問好惜福! 很高興你喜歡:)
惜福, 周末快樂!
哈哈,喜歡妹妹爽朗的笑聲:) 很喜歡你的博客,總是那麽風趣幽默.
抱歉回複晚了, 今天去一古城逛了一天, 直逛到腿軟.
妹妹, 周末快樂!
這是我常來坐坐的地方。很溫馨。你的粉絲一會兒就追你來了！
我的狂笑症恐怕治不好了。。