無言的悲傷 （會嚴重影響情緒）

今天收到關於小嬰兒Aidan的近況報告，心一下子沉到了底。Aidan是我同事Ruth的兒子，去年6月出生，在他五個月大的時候被診斷患有惡性橫紋肌肉瘤，當時CT掃描顯示腫瘤沒有轉移，據估計有70%治愈的可能。他的媽媽因此打消了回來工作的念頭，注銷了讀著一半的博士課程，專心留在家中照顧他。

孩子的情況一路惡化，化療做了好幾個回合，開始的時候他對化療還多少有點反應，腫瘤曾一度縮小，但後來孩子對化療逐漸完全失去了反應，腫瘤再一次增大，孩子因為化療的緣故免疫能力全麵崩潰，幾個月以來一直掙紮在各種感染中，大部分時候靠鼻飼為生。因為化療無效，手術成為了最後的救命稻草，但即便手術可以去除整個腫瘤，這也意味著他將會留下很多嚴重影響將來生活質量的後遺症，包括癱瘓和性功能缺失。

難以想象對一個年輕的家庭來說這是什麽樣的考驗。Ruth和她的丈夫Neville都是虔誠的基督教徒，在教堂的禮拜活動中相識相愛，於06年2月結婚。結婚前兩個多月Ruth被診斷為皮膚黑色素瘤，幸好還在早期，手術比較成功，但當時也算是一場很嚴峻的考驗了，沒想到在他們的孩子出生後，還會遭遇這樣的一場精神情感的全麵浩劫。

手術的日期最初定在7月30日，下麵是7月30號以後我收到的關於Aidan的email。

2008.7.30 6:37pm

Hi everyone,

Unfortunately Aidan’s surgery has been cancelled as the intensive care unit is too full to take him post-op. Our oncologist has gone out of her way all day to try and wangle a bed but it came down to an absolute inability to find paediatric trained ICU staff to look after him. The icu is staffed for 16 patients and already has 20 down there with all staff doing extra shifts to cope. Other ICU departments in the state are also full.

This obviously has been shattering for us to deal with today. Aidan has been rebooked for surgery on Tuesday but again it will depend on an ICU bed being available. The surgeons were actually available tomorrow but ICU doesn’t see any patients shifting in the next 48 hours.

In the meantime Aidan will have another CT scan tomorrow to see how the tumour has progressed since the last scan 3 weeks ago and hopefully will again demonstrate no tumour spread.

Thankyou to everyone who rang, texted, emailed etc messages of support for today, we really appreciated them.

Love, Ruth, Nev and Aidan

2008.8.5 4:35pm

Hi everyone,

The news as at 4.30pm today is that the liver biopsy is clear of tumour so the main operation is going ahead (right now). It will go for quite a few hours, so please be praying.

Dianne

2008. 8.5 5:59pm

Hi everyone,

After opening Aidan up this evening, to assess the cancer, they discovered that it has spread throughout his insides. The surgeons have chosen not to operate. Therefore there is little that can be done for Aidan now. I don’t have anymore information to give, but will pass it on when I can. Please prayer for Nev, Ruth and Aidan – obiouvsly they are devastated. In addition, please keep some distance from them until they are happy for contact. I will let you know how things develop.

Kind regards

Marshall

2008.8.6 11:45am

Dear Everyone,

Following on from Marshall’s email last night, our precious baby Aidan’s condition is now confirmed to be terminal. We have had a very rough week following on from last week’s cancellation of surgery. We were informed on Saturday morning that there was a suspicious area in Aidan’s liver that could be tumour spread but could also be normal. He went on to have an ultrasound on Monday which couldn’t confirm or deny what was going on in his liver. The plan was then to do a liver biopsy first up in the surgery and if it was tumour to abandon the rest of the operation but if it was clear to push on with the main operation. Aidan went into surgery about 2pm yesterday and we had an excruciating 2 and a half hour wait to find out whether the liver was clear or not. We got the phone call that the liver was clear and elatedly started packing up his room and made plans to get out of the hospital for a while to pass the time during what we expected was now going to be a long operation. Unfortunately 10 minutes later we got a phone call from our oncologist, Toby who said that they had opened Aidan up and it didn’t look good, could we come down to theatres to talk to him and one of the surgeons. Apparently when they opened him up the tumour had infiltrated his bowel and had spread through the connective tissue around his bowel. It was also apparent that the tumour had ruptured and this would mean that there was tumour seeding throughout his abdomen. Furthermore the tumour was well stuck down in his pelvis and was not able to be safely removed. Aidan’s blood pressure during the operation was not great and the decision was made to do a colostomy to relieve the bowel obstruction that he was developing over the past week and then pull out in part simply to ensure that he didn’t die on the operating table.

This means that due to his resistance to the chemo that he has had and his tumour being inoperable, there is minimal chance of cure now and we have decided to not put him through any more treatment. He is officially palliative and any efforts now will be aimed at symptom control and comfort. At the moment he is in icu, still ventilated after the operation. Even though they couldn’t remove the tumour there was a liver biopsy done and a lot of digging around to see if they could debulk the tumour before they did the colostomy and closed him up. Because of this he is pretty well sedated on pain relief and has tubes coming out everywhere. He is still quite unwell but we are hoping that he will pick up in the next few days and we pray that he will get well enough to be able to take him home for whatever time he has left.

This is just the most horrible position to be in and we can’t fathom how we will get through the next little while and how we will ever adapt to being without him. He has fought so hard over the last 9 months but is going to lose this fight soon. For some reason God is going to take him home and we pray that he gives us the strength to keep going without our precious boy.

Love, Ruth, Nev and Aidan

發生這樣的事情，任何言語的安慰都是乏力的。沒有人知道為什麽這樣的事情會發生在這樣的人身上，也沒有人能解釋為什麽所有的真心祈禱都好像被廣漠的蒼穹所吞噬，而無法上達天聽。今天是個悲傷的日子。我隻希望，Aidan剩下的日子，可以少經受些痛楚。他來過，被愛過，在他離開以後，他一定也會被真誠的懷念著。也許他還沒來得及在這個世界上留下太深的腳印，但在他父母和眾多的親朋好友心中，他會永遠是那個即便全身插遍了各種管子，仍然會咯咯大笑的快樂天使。

[想去看海]

同意父母和親朋好友說的，“ for some reason God is taking him home, 我想在那裏，他會是快樂的，健康的。”May God bless this family.

[歌兒]

抱歉讓大家聽到這麽悲傷的消息。
謝謝大家對Aidan的祝福，希望這些祝福可以幫到他，也幫到他的家人。我最擔心的是我的同事Ruth,不知道經過這一次劫難，她還是否能再次鼓起勇氣當媽媽，能否再對生活，對幸福充滿信心。至於Aidan,就象Ruth說的，for some reason God is taking him home, 我想在那裏，他會是快樂的，健康的。

[南山鬆]

真是不知該說什麽好.
希望Aidan最後的日子過得快樂.

[靜謐海灣]

??? !!!

May God give them strength. - zt

[Liketoread]

我無言。每次遇到這樣的事都會是對自己的信仰的挑戰。

God blesses them!

願全能的主彰顯能力！

[warmginger]

最近為什麽都是聽到小baby重病的消息。。。
會以我的方式為Aidan祈禱。。。

[punny]

太痛苦了！
May God bless him and his parents.... －－zt

可能問這個有點不合時宜，但是從他的出生月份算起，conception的時間離他媽媽的手術時間也隻隔了半年多點的樣子，兩個病之間有什麽聯係嗎？（放狗出去搜了一下，但看不太懂）

[小屁涵]

!!!

[longhair]

心疼...無言...bless them, whoever is powerful enough.

[老史]

真讓人難過，May God bless him and his parents....

[綠豆紅茶]

So sad. May god give them strength.---ztzt

[酷暑之雨]

May God bless them.....

[老鍋餅]

So sad. May god give them strength.---zt

[秋月冬雪]

So sad. May god give them strength.

[mycereal]

It's too sad.

還好Aidan 的父母兩個人都是基督徒，會好過些。