WXC跨壇由czdftm講的故事引發出軌的討論

來源: czdftm 於 09-11-06 12:36:32

My ongoing story

don't know how to start....I am sure there will be lots of blame if I told you all the stories...but here is the story which is ongoing in my life right now.
My marriage has big problems, haven't slept with my husband for years, we do not have any kind of physical contact... we have a 5 yrs old son...
We had extremely bad time last winter, almost went to court because of he hit me...so frustrating, really want some cuddles and kisses to live on...
and I found the website about married people looking for affairs, registered, found him, he was little different, the photos he put there is not a very nice one, he looks sad in that pics...we met after almost 1 months phone call and msn...he is funny, cute, good daddy, handyman, I like to talk to him...we kissed on the fifth meet, and had sex on the sixth one, and then from that time on, everything is out of controll, I like to have sex with him, feels his caring when we doing that, and his smell too...
At the same time, I feel bad about myself, not because of the guilty, but just feel I lost my principle, I was kind of look down of people who is doing this, and now I am the person doing this... what a joke..
Tried to give up him several times, but it was so hard, and we end up together sooner...
I went for vacation myself and came back, still stay with him...
The second day when I was back from vacation, he told me that his wife moved out almost since we first met, the reason he didn't tell me before is because he wants to make sure his wife gone smoothly...
Now, he and his wife take care of their 2 kids in turn...
I went to his home to meet him in the midnight, he left door open....and I came back home in the morning....
So enjoy the feeling and the sex with him...but is this right? Should be no...
I asked myself if I want to have future with this guy, I was wondering...
I asked him why not just find some free women, he said he is so into me, and want to keep me for a while...
I know, am I stupid?
In my age, 37, with kind of younger looking, should I stay like this? or should I leave him, should I tell him to leave me until I am out of my marriage?
I was thinking about what kind of relationship I want, it should be great if I have a bf, and still live with my son in different places, do not want to go into marriage anymore...
In here, I mean North America, I feel so lonely...
Need ur guys help, give me a punch, wake me up....
I don't want hurt him, I want him know that I love him, but just feel so unsecure...the feeling is killing me...

My ongoing story-continue
謝謝各位的回複和討論：大家說得很好，當有了肉體關係，你很難從裏麵脫身。。。
從開始到現在，每天50幾條短信，幾個小時的MSN， 是讓我有戀愛的幻覺，更何況在情感上我是如此的饑渴。。。我想我是愛上他了，他有所有我想要的東西。。。不過隻是我們認識的途徑並不是那麽的美好， 那是已婚人士尋找婚外情的網站阿。。。正因為如此，我才有了這麽多的煩惱，我愛他，又不能相信他，我依戀他又不能做到收放自如。。。多少次，我躺在他的身 邊，想著，就這樣吧，就當是個性夥伴好了，可是做不到， 對我，可能對大多數女人來說性和愛是不可以分離的。。。
在我的生命裏，在2009年的那個夏天七月，我們每晚相見，每天瘋狂做愛，我想已經夠了。。。。
他有他的無奈，今天他說下班接我一起去散步的，可是到了下班時間他又要去接孩子， 我生氣我無奈，可是又能如何。。。我還懷疑，盡管我鄙視自己的這些想法，可是我無法不胡思亂想。。。
於是有了下麵的那個帖子。。。
謝謝你們， 真的，真的需要你們給我一記耳光打醒我。。。
我在下班的路上已經改了我的手機號碼，這樣我就不用再期盼著他的信息了，每天幾十個短信已經讓我開始習慣，我必須要走出來。。。
姐妹們，幫幫我吧。。。
想給他寫封EMAIL， 告訴他我愛他所以離開他，想好好祝福他。。。其實大家都不容易。。。
合適嗎？

My ongoing story- the first day after I changed my cell

my husband found out because I changed my cell phone number... is it funny? He found out when I start break up with that guy...
of course, he woke me up to tell him everything, he called the number since he got the cell phone bill... no one answered the call...of course...
And I told him almost everything in calm...just want to divorce...I don't love him anymore, but what everything going smoothly...
He woke up my son in 3am before, because we had a fight... so hardly I can trust him to do some really bad thing to my son, also his son...keep my son safe and myself alive become the priority...
And I called him by my home phone to leave a message ask him not returning any messages and calls...
And then I went back to bed...
I went to work earlier and felt better, at least my feeling was not interrupt by those love txt messages...
He wrote me 2 very brief emails about he miss me....
I read it, and keep it there, and didn't reply...
It was hard... but I did it, at least the first day, it almost finish...I am prond of myself...
U guys right, I need to figure myself out and then start to find my Mr. Right...
Still need ur surpport and comments....

   My ongoing story - day 2

It is extremely hard for today, he wrote me last night: how can you just cut me off?... almost replied him...I still love him...but don't think he is the same...
He knows my office number, home number, if he really miss me, he would try his best to talk to me... this guy just not that into me...
So I have to hold on....Have to... so hard...
Tell me want to do..........
Life is so grey without him...nothing is interesting...except my son...
My husband didn't react anymore, don't think he is going to, but I really want some fresh air in my marriage, I am done with him...
Where is my man? I need a shoulder to lay on...
Tell me what to do...

My ongoing story--day 3-4

hi what a shame! I WENT TO HIS HOUSE AGAIN ON FRIDAY NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know.... There were only sex...he didn't even ask about my situation, what happened after my husband found out...everything are gone...not sad anymore, just know how cold the real world is...and clearly that guy was lying about love which made me addict to him... so I have to wake up... I went back home at 6am, my husband was waiting, he asked if i had a good time, I went to bed directly... Everything looks calm...and we even went to States shopping the next day, we pretended nothing happened... And things going to happen, of course... last night, after my son fell in sleep. he started screaming at me...he wants that guy's address, he wants to go hit him, he left home with a wrong one... he called police, and said i was sexual assaulted by that guy... i told police it was not ture, i denyed everything... and then he left home with my son as police asked... i called that guy peascefully and told him about this story, he was like ok, let me email you later in the day, go get some sleep... I slept a few houts... and i know I don't love him anymore....everything just bubble... I will get plenty of rest, I will show my son happy face, I will go to gym, pick up my study and i will be a new me, and most important I will start the procedure of divorce... Thanks sisters, you are my support...

The End of The Story

Hi guys, back again,
Thought should let you guys know the end of my story....It is a bad ending, but...a big lesson for me.

My husband moved out and refuses to see my son, he is punishing me, I guess, but anyway, I will try to persuade him to see my son and at the same time, I want to make sure my son is happy....
And about my lover (ex-lover), he is an asshole... all he did is for sex, which I was touched by what he did.......what a shame.
My heart told me there should end... and one night, I told him I wanted to broke up, he said ok, let's broke up, the second day, he was texting me, im me how much did he love me...... and I was like, we have broken up, I wanted to stay alone for a while, but he didn't give up...
so, accidently, maybe on purpose....i have to find a reason to get rid of him totally, I tried to hack his hotmail and I did...got all the secret answer right.........amazing, right?
wow, what a bloody realistic world, he has 4 sex partners at the same time,and he is still texting new girls, all of them r asian, most of them r chinese. what a dog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he has a consultant friend, a lady who knows all his stories, he sent her email telling herall the stories almost everyday...
he was iming me that time, so i just copied and pasted one of the email to him, and said asshole, he said true....
And I just forwarded all his consulting emails to all his girls in his inbox.....
great? criminal, but I felt so good.........
One of the ladies gave him her key to her house, and cooking bf and lunch for him.........
he is fooling around with all these single moms, seperated women...
he called me and asked his password back, I gave him, since I have done what I should....
he told me he got hundreds calls and scared to answer....lol
he fooled me around for almost 6 months... I trusted him... and now...the first thing i did is go to Doctors to get checked, STDs, and HIV,hope I am fine....
Sisters.... I know we are all hunger for love, but keep your eyes open, there are lots of good white guys, and jerks too.....
don't let them take advantage on u, just like my self.

For all of you....
qqh to me, I will let you know the guy's name.... I saw so many chinese girls' pics in his inbox.......hope you won't be the next victim...
bloody lessons.
The end
 
To czdftm: 我朋友的故事

來源: yeshimajia 於 09-11-06 14:08:08

明白你的痛苦，時間會幫你恢複的。

講講我一個好朋友的故事吧，和你的很相似。但她很幸運，結局比你好多了。她5，6年前認識了一個同行的美國人，英俊，單身，級別很高的 EXECUTIVE，對她大獻殷勤，也是在床上非常和諧。她LG也很能幹，但是屬於一心工作的那種，雖然很在意她，但是不是浪漫的那種。她當時墮入情網， 不可救藥，幸好還沒走到多深，就被她LG發現了。她LG對她很好，居然努力挽救他們的婚姻，又給那個混蛋打電話，盡量切斷他們之間的聯係。她被這個 AFFAIR折磨的很厲害，有一兩年都緩不過來。後來幸好有了孩子，慢慢轉變回來了，重心又重新放到自己的家裏。

這個lover很混蛋，得知她LG發現了他們AFFAIR的時候，一點都沒有表示要對她負責，很傷她的心。不過現在想來，幸虧是這樣，否則我朋友可能會落 得和你一樣的下場。但後來她和LG和好之後，他又總來勾她，常給她打電話，開行業會議時還想方設法約她見麵，甚至於還偷偷飛到她住的城市裏看過她兩次。我 朋友被折磨的非常慘，每次見麵後都會又動心，以為可以和他認真下去，偏偏這個人從來都不發出認真的信號，隻是ENJOY和她在一起的時候罷了。

中國女孩子很容易在感情方麵吃虧。我朋友很聰明漂亮的那種，人也能幹。容易引起男人注意也不是她控製的。她也不是有心要有AFFAIR，但是碰到英俊瀟灑 浪漫的男人來追，有幾個能抗拒的了呢？她和這個lover從開始到現在拉撤了6年，見麵很少，大概一年也就一兩次。但打電話比較頻繁，那個人在工作上也幫 了她不少忙。經曆了這麽多，能想象嗎？也就是兩年前我朋友才終於死心了。她覺得很對不起LG，但是確實不太愛他。她LG對她真的很好。大概漂亮的女人就是 有這個優勢吧。歎氣。。。


來源: czdftm 於 09-11-06 15:17:05

I can't imagine how she went through for that six years.
For me, six months drove me crazy already....
He told me he was always busy on Friday, and kids always was his excuse, and he called me every friday b4 he went out dancing and having sex with other women, pretending to ask my permit to go out, such as my friend ask me to play poker, should I go? Friends aske me to play hockey, should I go? etc... I felt so sweet at those moment....and he called me after his "play" as well, like 1 am or 3am, told me he finished, he was going home........now I know, all those night, he went out dancing with a korean woman and sex after.........
And one day, I didn't contact him for 4 days, he called me said he was at front door at my office just want to see me, I was touched by him, and now I found out that day he went to downtown to have lunch with one of his sex partner and had sex, and then he called me, after he saw me he went to see another and had sex with another in the same area, can you believe?
Just don't understand, does he really enjoying in doing this?
no word...........


湊個熱鬧談出軌

來源: dancingswan 於 09-11-08 07:07:02

一覺醒來，陽光明媚，才發現昨夜的熱點話題是出軌。曬著太陽也來說幾句。

首先，所謂出軌是針對已婚的男男女女。單身的愛怎麽玩都是人家自己的事。既然已婚，就有法律上的責任和道德上的要求。

婚姻其實就是以感情為基礎的合同關係。這合同怎麽簽的，家家都有點不同。

如果婚後發現結錯了，當然有權利去尋找愛情或新生活，就像簽了合同後發現合作夥伴難以合作，但是，但是，拜托你先把自己解放了，再另覓新歡。潘金蓮當年被迫嫁了武大郎，離婚的確不可能，現如今，您有幸長在新社會，而且是自由的資本主義國家，有哪麽難嗎？

如果雙方有自由出軌的共識，沒問題，不關別人的事，享受你的自由。但大多數人還是要求忠誠的。出軌就是違反合同重要條例。後果自負，無論你有什麽樣的理由。

孩子是很多人的借口，那麽多有孩子的都離了，難道人家不愛自己的孩子？

愛情是出軌者的幌子，你們的愛情真的那麽驚天動地，千古難尋嗎？如果是，離婚再嫁/娶，光明正大地生活在愛情的陽光下。如果不是，也就一段奸情而已，難聽但是定性準確，你偷偷摸摸的就是了。

看了看那個招人罵的的講自己表妹出軌的帖子，是有點過分:

1.漂亮怎麽啦，別人追你怎麽啦，你就可以理直氣壯出軌了？這兒才貌雙全的多了去了。

出軌不需要理由，但是要低調！

2.不要口口聲聲不愛自己的丈夫，嫁是自己嫁的，而且他接納了出軌後的她，人家容易嗎？真的不愛，就講明白，一個有尊嚴的男人不會接受施舍的愛情。

沒人站在道德的製高點，也沒人去評判他人的生活， 隻是大家美好的願望：

誘惑太多，出軌無罪，但是希望出軌者有責任，有廉恥地處理好相關事務。


美貌與出軌真的無關嗎？

來源: 稻穗兒 於 09-11-08 12:09:29

先說明，此帖純屬抬杠貼，過去我從來沒想過出軌和相貌的關係，隻覺得彼此多一點體諒，會比較和諧。但這幾天突然見到很多帖子責罵出軌的漂亮“表妹”，我就想了一下啊，這美貌與出軌真的無關嗎？

將性伴侶的多寡，尤其是婚後性伴侶的多寡，放到道德高度去評斷，自然應該是跟相貌無關，總不能說醜女就都是得道高人，而美女就都是下三濫吧？

但現實中，美貌和性伴侶的多寡好像還是有點潛在聯係的。無它，追求者眾，機遇較多、因而發生率也水漲船高而已。

這個可以從男性反證。

男人的道德高低，應該是跟財富和權勢沒直接聯係的。但古今中外，哪個皇帝不是三宮六院？哪個權貴不是三妻四妾？而貧下中農呢？打光棍的都不在少數，大老婆之外還討小老婆？做夢去吧！那麽，難道說無恥之徒都正好當了皇帝？而忠義之士都正好當了貧下中農？

這個世界上，男人的資本是權勢和財富，女人的資本是青春和美貌。其它資本當然還很多啦，但上麵說的畢竟是主要的、公認的、沒人不喜歡的。

所以有權勢的男人很難潔身自愛，投懷送抱的太多，柳下惠不好當啊！就算身為貧下中農的時候是個好好丈夫，一旦發跡也就很難守身如玉了。要不怎麽糟糠之妻不 下堂能傳為千古美談呢？如果人人都能珍惜糟糠之妻，那還有什麽可頌揚的？可見絕大部分人是做不到的，對於大多數雄性動物，那是一個可望不可即的道德高度 啊！

美女也一樣，獻殷勤的太多！太誘惑！人非聖賢，一個不留神，把持不住是可以理解的。醜女守節就容易多了，即使主動獻身，別人也未必願意屈就，於是本是無奈卻正好成就一段名節！

當然了，這裏隻是瞎聊眾生中的普遍現象而已，純屬說笑，壇中各姐妹切勿對號入座！本壇猛烈評擊蕩婦的道德高人均美豔如花，這是無可置疑的！絕對不在上麵所說普遍現象之列！

來源: 秒秒 於 09-11-08 11:14:19

湊熱鬧：凡是扯不清的都是自己不會說不的女人。褲子鬆。容易上手。
花花男的其實會同時勾引幾個女人。但是那個口軟褲子鬆的當然就售選啦。哈哈哈。

來源: 秒秒 於 09-11-08 11:16:43

完拉那口軟褲子鬆的還自我標榜為“自己生的美麗出色的錯誤”
哈哈哈，笑死。




經曆、性格和出軌的關係比美貌要大

來源: 水無情 於 09-11-08 13:12:11

感覺婚前戀愛經曆單純、婚後生活又比較單調的人比較容易出軌。一個女人，不論美醜，想要是和男人上床總是很容易的，特別是男人知道不用負責任的情況下。有 個好來塢女星在被問到是否經常受到誘惑時說（大意哈）：其實一個年輕女人在男人居多的領域打拚總是會有很多誘惑，但這個女人自身發出的信號可以讓周圍的男 人感覺到她是否很容易被利用。這個信號好象和女人是否美貌無關。我有個朋友婚後出軌了n回了，她是絕對談不上美貌的。我發現她很在意周圍男人對她的看法， 經常說某某對她感興趣，過一陣就和這個某某上床了，然後說喜歡自己的人太多雲雲。我曾經忍不住地說，即使人家真對你感興趣你也沒義務去滿足人家的欲望，要 是女人都和對自己感興趣的男人上床那不成了群婚了。她的性格也比較軟弱，屬於拿不起放不下那種。

個人感覺激情下的出軌可能和道德無關，畢竟我們都是人，都有軟弱的時候。但把一段婚外情延續六年就不能不說對配偶有欠起碼的尊重了。這個女人在情人那裏也 不會得到真正的尊重，我覺得那個男人不一定是有commitment 問題，而是不會對她承諾。如果她當初出軌後果斷地離婚，沒準和那個情人還有戲呢。