四個英語jokes

Excess Baggage


While waiting in the baggage claim, I watched in horror as my suitcase came bumping down the ramp and sprang open. I tried to retrieve everything, but couldn't catch up with my toothbrush. As it went around the carousel, I overheard a passenger say, "My, the person travels light."





新款鬧鍾


Proudly showing off his new apartment to a friend late one night, the drunk led the way to the bedroom, where there was a big brass gong. "What's that brass gong for?" asked the friend. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied. "A talking clock? How's it work?" "Watch this," said the drunk. He took a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and waited. Someone on the other side of the wall screamed: "Hey, you jerk. It's 3:00 in the morning!"



牛B的Panda


A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the food." The panda yells back, "Hey, man, I'm a panda. Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary to panda: "A tree-climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."



第一次到美國

　　Two guys immigrate to America. On their first day off the boat, they are wandering around New York City seeing the sights. As lunch time approaches, they decide they are hungry. They then come up to a street vendor selling hot dogs.

　　One says to the other in a shocked tone, "My God. Do they eat dogs in America?"
　　"I don't know!" says the other, equally appalled.
　　"Well," says the first, "we're going to be Americans, so we must do as they do."
　　They approach the vendor bravely, "Two hot dogs, please."
　　The vendor hands them their food in a pair of paper sacks. The two immigrants sit on a park bench to eat their lunch.
　　One looks inside his sack, hesitates and turns to his partner and says, "Uh, which part of the dog did you get?"