正文
For kids and ourselves, we together, and also for kids as well as ourselves, we divorce.
I notice that many unhappy married people complain and blame their spouse for their unhappy marriage. To me, it is not quite fair. Should we think this important issue another way? Could we think why the marriage is not happy? Is anything wrong with ourselves rather than with our spouse? Or are we pushing ourselves (you know that is one of the pushes I mean in my previous message) enough to keep a good and happy marriage?
There might be may people in the world whom we can marry and live together. But there are reasons why we two are married. Of course, some reasons may be logical and great, some may be not. And some of the then logical and great reasons may be not logical and great any more as times pass by.
Many of us were very outstanding 20 years ago, college graduates and exchange students, which were very attractive, especially in Mainland China. Because of these, we got a beautiful and a great husband, at least at that time. But life is different after marriage, especially after we have kids. We have more responsibilities, more pressures as well more things to learn. Academica good is not good enough now. We’ve got to learn how to push ourselves, how to be a good husband and wife, a great father and mother as well as a good employee or employer. It requires love, care, considerate, communications, education and self-improvement of personality and character. We’ve got to get rid of some of our bad and old habits and manner of, for example, sleep late and get up late, bad table manner, bad dressing manner, lazy at housework, not good at yard work, only work and no play, worry too much, no smile on our face, no excise to keep ourselves fit, etc.
Do we improve ourselves after marriage of 15 years or 20 years? Do we have some responsibility for the failure of our marriage if we haven’t improved ourselves? And should we think that some mistakes of our spouse is also our own mistakes too, or is because of our own mistakes? For instance, is it a well-educated people’s manner or behavior to yell, scream, or even beat our spouse and kids? It is absolutely not. Should we respect our spouse? I don’t believe some of us do from the messages.
I believe that a marriage couple should try their very best to keep the marriage not only for our kids, our spouse but for ourselves. Ask ourselves the questions when we think about divorce: Is our marriage that bad. Look, no marriage is perfect. Any hope on our marriage? Some bad marriage is still workable and may turn out to be a very good one. Are we ready to be divoriced financialy, mentally and even physically? This is a very important question that we should think very carefully. Is our spouse in a horrible situation after divorce? It is not easy for us to be together for such long time. We still hope that our spouse has a happy life or an ok life after divorce, don’t we? Besides our spouse is still the father or mother of our kids. Finally, are our kids in a better childhood? I am not saying that a stepmother or stepfather is not good to kids. But there is some reality of challenges for both parents and kids. Of course, we don’t’ need a partner if we feel that we are happy to be a single.
If we are sure about these questions, I guess that we can either keep the marriage and live together or divorce. Personally, I believe that it may be the best solution to divorces if we have difficult to respect our spouse and there is continuous violence at home. And it is good for us ourselves, our kids and our spouse to divorce.
However, don’t blame our spouse too much when complain about our marriage. Think about ourselves first, then our kids and then our spouse when we have to think about divorce. I believe that we can be more positive and do more as long as we ourselves are happy. Otherwise, it would be another failure to be divorced. As always, please think us ourselves first.
I notice that many unhappy married people complain and blame their spouse for their unhappy marriage. To me, it is not quite fair. Should we think this important issue another way? Could we think why the marriage is not happy? Is anything wrong with ourselves rather than with our spouse? Or are we pushing ourselves (you know that is one of the pushes I mean in my previous message) enough to keep a good and happy marriage?
There might be may people in the world whom we can marry and live together. But there are reasons why we two are married. Of course, some reasons may be logical and great, some may be not. And some of the then logical and great reasons may be not logical and great any more as times pass by.
Many of us were very outstanding 20 years ago, college graduates and exchange students, which were very attractive, especially in Mainland China. Because of these, we got a beautiful and a great husband, at least at that time. But life is different after marriage, especially after we have kids. We have more responsibilities, more pressures as well more things to learn. Academica good is not good enough now. We’ve got to learn how to push ourselves, how to be a good husband and wife, a great father and mother as well as a good employee or employer. It requires love, care, considerate, communications, education and self-improvement of personality and character. We’ve got to get rid of some of our bad and old habits and manner of, for example, sleep late and get up late, bad table manner, bad dressing manner, lazy at housework, not good at yard work, only work and no play, worry too much, no smile on our face, no excise to keep ourselves fit, etc.
Do we improve ourselves after marriage of 15 years or 20 years? Do we have some responsibility for the failure of our marriage if we haven’t improved ourselves? And should we think that some mistakes of our spouse is also our own mistakes too, or is because of our own mistakes? For instance, is it a well-educated people’s manner or behavior to yell, scream, or even beat our spouse and kids? It is absolutely not. Should we respect our spouse? I don’t believe some of us do from the messages.
I believe that a marriage couple should try their very best to keep the marriage not only for our kids, our spouse but for ourselves. Ask ourselves the questions when we think about divorce: Is our marriage that bad. Look, no marriage is perfect. Any hope on our marriage? Some bad marriage is still workable and may turn out to be a very good one. Are we ready to be divoriced financialy, mentally and even physically? This is a very important question that we should think very carefully. Is our spouse in a horrible situation after divorce? It is not easy for us to be together for such long time. We still hope that our spouse has a happy life or an ok life after divorce, don’t we? Besides our spouse is still the father or mother of our kids. Finally, are our kids in a better childhood? I am not saying that a stepmother or stepfather is not good to kids. But there is some reality of challenges for both parents and kids. Of course, we don’t’ need a partner if we feel that we are happy to be a single.
If we are sure about these questions, I guess that we can either keep the marriage and live together or divorce. Personally, I believe that it may be the best solution to divorces if we have difficult to respect our spouse and there is continuous violence at home. And it is good for us ourselves, our kids and our spouse to divorce.
However, don’t blame our spouse too much when complain about our marriage. Think about ourselves first, then our kids and then our spouse when we have to think about divorce. I believe that we can be more positive and do more as long as we ourselves are happy. Otherwise, it would be another failure to be divorced. As always, please think us ourselves first.
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