Where can I go?

I am not feeling happy and nothing upset me. Walking back home in the downpouring rain I was feeling like the end of the world was coming. I could not figure out what was wrong with me. Finally when I was on the telephone line talking to him I realized what my problem was. I want him to be in my life and I want myself to be in his life, but I was not feeling that way. I was feeling I have been shut out of his life and I have been trying so hard to get close to him, but I was not able to do so no matter what. This is my problem and this has been what upsets me most.I do not see a future between me and him and cannot walk away either.My life is screwed up. What I am going to do and where can I go to make myself feel better.