DO NOT FEEL WELL TODAY

I have been trying to continue my writing, but was not able to do so. I got too emotional when I sat down each time trying to start puting my words together. It hurts too much looking back and what is happening today hurts even more. My life is like a big mass and I just cannot pull myself out. I thought everything would be better when I fell in love with him and he has been the only one I ever love, then things just do not turn out the way I expected. I wanted to walk away and to start all over again, but I cannot coz I love him too much. He has been my whole world and I just cannot make myself fall in love with somebody else. I used to call asking him where he was and he was always saying "I am in your heart". What he said comes from one of the short stories I told him. The short story is as follows. Fish: I cannot feel my tears coz I am in the water. Ocea: I can feel your tears coz you are in my heart. There are many many times I wanted to ask him if I have been in his heart, but I never did. I know I have been waiting for nothing, or waiting for being hurt more. Then I just cannot turn my back toward him simply because I love him too much. I am just hoping that whatever has been happening is a dream. Then, one day, I would wake up and forget everything about him. I have been crossing my fingers. Please cross your fingers for me too and I need this.