Leonoad Cohen\'s never gonna bring my groceries in...

昨天在電台上聽到一首令人忍俊不禁的歌。Nancy White的Lenodar Cohen's Never Gonna Bring My Groceries in。可惜網上暫時找不到。歌曲的標題和曲調借用了Cohen的幾首著名歌曲。老Cohen的歌，醉人的毒藥，像這首I'm your man, 在生活中的作用可是一點點也沒有。嗬嗬。

LEONARD COHEN'S NEVER GONNA
BRING MY GROCERIES IN

Nancy White has recorded an exceptional and funny song titled Leonard Cohen's Never Gonna Bring My Groceries In. The lyrics and the melodies steal-and-borrow Leonard's originals (like Famous Blue Rain-coat, Nancy, Tower of Song). The song is credited to Nancy White,with a little borrowing from L.C. himself. The album title is hinting what you are going to hear: Momnipotent - Songs for Weary Parents.

I was listening to music as I swept the kitchen floor.
I was needing a shampoo and I was pushing 44.
And I had one of those flashes that hits you now and then
About experience manqué and certain sadly missing men.
And I realized in horror as I stroked my double chin,
Leonard Cohen's never gonna bring my groceries in!

I've a husband and a baby, there's another on the way.
And, like Leonard, I am aching in the place I used to play.
But really, I'm enjoying all this domesticity.
Hey, I never have to deal with Warren Beatty's vanity.
But there is one thing I regret, and my regret is genuine.
Leonard Cohen's never gonna bring my groceries in.

Oh Leonard and me, together we'd be great.
Strumming our guitars and singing songs while it got late!
(Well, not TOO late, these days I kind of fold about eleven.
But for a little while it would be heaven, heaven, heaven.)
Oh, Leonard and me, we'd be so decadent.
We'd look at all those bottles, wonder where the wine all went.
(Well frankly I can't drink it anymore, my head can't take it.
But I know me and Leonard we could make it, make it.)

I love each line he's written, Except for maybe one:
"Nancy wore green stockings [Male chorus] and she slept with
everyone."*)
I thought: "What if somebody thinks he's singing about me?"
'Cause after all, I lived in Montreal in 1963.
And perhaps I was his type when I was young and sweet and thin.
But now Leonard's never gonna bring my groceries in.

Oh, Leonard and me, we're soulmates, there's no doubt.
I feel it in my heart, we'd have so much to talk about.
We'd hole up in the Tower of Song with coffee strong and bitter.
That is, of course, if I could get a sitter,
A sitter, a sitter.
Hey, I'm just some singer looking for a sitter.

[Nancy White's gushingly spoken words over Cohen-type "la, la, la, la"
female chorus] OK wait! Leonard! Hey maybe Leonard could babysit. Yeah,
Oh he'd be wonderful, the girls would love him. He can read stories.
A poet can always use an extra five dollars an hour. He would be perfect.
How can I get his number? Hmm, Marie-Lynn Hammond she'll have his
number. I know she will. I'm going to call her right now. This is inspiring.
I am so happy! So Leonard Cohen can babysit and Doug and I can go to the
mall and pick out the new towels for the bathroom. [pause]
That's what I really want to do.
Of course, [pause and sexy, sotto voce] 'cause maybe I can be the
one to drive the babysitter home tonight.


The above version of the spoken ad-lib section is as recorded on the CD. Nancy indicates that these lyrics evolve over time. Currently she is saying "I'll call Rita, Rita's everybody's friend." This will probably change soon, since this is a reference to Rita McNeill who had a TV show on CBC called "Rita and Friends" which has now been cancelled.

*) "Seems So Long Ago, Nancy" on Leonard Cohen's Songs from a Room


© 1990 Multinan Inc., SOCAN. 4:15.
Lyrics reprinted with permission.
Cat. # SANCD 1025, Children's Group, Toronto, 1990.
Published by Mouton Records.

Nancy White, vocals. Doug Wilde, Rick Whitelaw,
Bob Johnston, instruments. Le Voix Mystere des Vulgaires,
background vocals.

Nancy White's comment on the song (from the CD booklet): Nancy wrote this song while eleven [sic] months pregnant with daughter number two. They say that if you have one child, you can have some kind of other life, but that with two, you're a mommy and that's IT! Nancy was thinking about this and feeling that maybe this was goodbye to romance and adventure for the REST OF HER LIFE!!! She put on Leonard Cohen's glorious new album [I'm your man, Feb. 1988] to cheer herself up. It didn't work.

I'm your man by Leonard Cohen

If you want a lover
I'll do anything you ask me to
And if you want another kind of love
I'll wear a mask for you
If you want a partner
Take my hand
Or if you want to strike me down in anger
Here i stand
I'm your man

If you want a boxer
I will step into the ring for you
And if you want a doctor
I'll examine every inch of you
If you want a driver
Climb inside
Or if you want to take me for a ride
You know you can
I'm your man

Ah, the moon's too bright
The chain's too tight
The beast won't go to sleep
I've been running through these promises to you
That i made and i could not keep
Ah but a man never got a woman back
Not by begging on his knees
Or i'd crawl to you baby
And i'd fall at your feet
And i'd howl at your beauty
Like a dog in heat
And i'd claw at your heart
And i'd tear at your sheet
I'd say please, please
I'm your man

And if you've got to sleep
A moment on the road
I will steer for you
And if you want to work the street alone
I'll disappear for you
If you want a father for your child
Or only want to walk with me a while
Across the sand
I'm your man

If you want a lover
I'll do anything you ask me to
And if you want another kind of love
I'll wear a mask for you