my fantasy?

i saw 'him' today.....

someone that i have never speak to.....had crushed on.....and i am not sure the crushed goes both way ....or not

he was shocked to see me..... i think... cause he was standing in a distance but right in front of me....looking at me.... and forgot to do things that he wants to do at the moment....  and this is the 3rd time he had done something like that since last year....

do you ever have experience to heard your own heart beat when you see someone? the heart beat beats so fast that you don't think you can handle it anymore.....cause it might jump out at anytime.....

every time when i had that experience....i always laugh at myself afterwards....cause i am not like 17.....and i can't believe i had that kind of the experience .... for the first time and the person is 'him'

when i first feel the crush on him....i had BF already.... i tried to talk myself out of it..... cause i don't want to feel like i am cheating on my BF mentally....  it's very tough....  especially the crushed is on someone that you have never speak to.... how do you talk yourself out of it?

so what i did is....stop going to the Cafe.....for several monthes...... i used to go to Cafe like once a week... (yeah...the solution sounds dumb, but i did it...) and NO....i didn't have the peace of mind...

keep thinking about....could he be the Mr. Right? is that why my heart beat beats so fast when i see him? but we have never speak to each other..... i don't even know what kind of person he is....  i must be NUTS

big bro is suggesting....now that i am back to single single again..... maybe is time for me to 'know' him....

but how? we don't even have mutual friend.... no possible mutual connection.....  easy to say...very hard to make it happen.....