金歌兒 永恒的微笑

 
這是一篇英文習作，也是一個真實而久遠的故事。多少年過去了，他依然還會在某個夜晚悄然地走入我的夢境——那些相似的悲傷又苦澀的夢啊，這些年來不知重複過多少回？

 

夢裏的背景永遠是昏暗的，沒有光明；他的微笑也總帶著幾絲的憂鬱，令我感到陌生。總好像他在某個地方隱居著，有時是山洞，有時在荒原，有時就在他自己的家；又總像他身殘了，不是眼失明戴著寬寬的墨鏡，便是腿瘸了拄著高高的拐杖…而我，又總是大哭大叫忘情地對著他藏身的地方狂呼他的名字：肖陽，肖陽!  你出來，出來呀，別躲我啊，我不怕你眼瞎了，我不怕你腿斷了，我愛你愛你啊!……這最後一句現實中從未對他說出口的話，在夢裏竟是喊了又喊。夢中的他，對我這幾近瘋狂的呼喚隻是默默地微笑——那種酸楚又無奈的笑……

 

當又一次類似的夢醒來之後, 我和他多年前第一次的邂逅相遇再次展開在記憶中，曆曆在目。我哼起了那天他唱的歌，雙眼開始潮濕……

 

後來因想參加一個寫作培訓班，要求寫一篇短文，於是便有了下文。

 

 

                      Your Sunny, Eternal Smile

 

It was the coldest winter I can remember. I was 13 and came home from a middle school where I was boarding for the winter break. My parents were working in Henan oil field located in the suburb of Nanyang city, in the province of Henan. The oil field was still in its inception and you could see the construction sites everywhere. More than 80,000 people were transferred there from different areas all over China for a great battle for oil. Very soon, we formed a small town but did not have our own schools, hospitals, department stores, or post offices -- life was hard and inconvenient.

 

It was a very cold day. There was little food left for my family. Mom gave my brother and me “an arduous task” to go shopping in the country fair which was about five kilometers away from home. We had no bicycles then and walking all the way in such an abominable cold weather seemed so horrible to me -- I’ve always been in fear of coldness my whole life.

 

With baskets on our backs, my brother and I marched on the bleak and desolate country road. The northwestern wind was howling badly, and it felt as if there were innumerable knives cutting into my face. Although we were still moving, my whole body got frozen gradually. I cursed the weather and kept stamping my feet with anger and pain.

 

Seeing my suffering, my brother tried to divert my attention from this tough condition by telling me about his school life and his new friend -- the son of his school master. “He can compose songs like our Dad. He plays accordion and violoncello. He’s very nice and warmhearted.” My brother spoke in his high spirit of how this 15 year-old boy had taught them songs and instructed them for a rehearsal. When they finally got to the stage singing and dancing,  he was the one that played his accordion for them. Little by little, I got spellbound by my brother’s words about this talented boy. Unconsciously, my steps were quickened.

 

The sky was dark, the wind was still blowing. There were few people on the road. Suddenly, a sonorous singing voice was wafted from afar by the wind, “holding a gun in my hands, a myriad of sun rays draping over me, I’m guarding the frontier of my motherland……” words of the popular army song at the time were heard clearer as the singer approaching us nearer.  “That’s him, that’s him!” my brother shouted.  The singing boy stopped singing and walked toward us followed by a girl and a kid at about my age.  Meeting us unexpectedly made him very happy, especially when he knew I was a singer in my school. We started chatting on music, the school band and our dream to become a musician and a singer someday… I was so impressed by his enthusiasm, his sunny smile, his bright deep eyes, and his intelligence that I forgot the time and the terrible weather which had been bothering me.

 

Since then, we had been friends. When the oil field had its first middle school, he became the monitor of my class. We practiced singing together and he composed a lot of school songs for the class. We not only gave performances in the school but also toured the drilling teams one by one for the workers who had little recreational activities. We went to the universities at the same year and kept in touch by letters. Although we both knew that we loved each other, we just had not expressed the feelings out of our heart.  We thought we were still young and had much of life ahead. We thought the day would come naturally, as if when a melon is ripe and falls off its stem.   Unfortunately and sadly, he left me only sweet and bitter memories… he was gone forever when he was only 21.

 

Many, many years have passed, my dear friend. Your sunny, eternal smile has been, and will always be, on my mind.