周末了祝壇友做個好夢 貼個舊的夢

來源: 顫音 2021-12-03 15:16:12 [] [博客] [舊帖] [給我悄悄話] 本文已被閱讀: 次 (1389 bytes)

Dream


In a gallery,
next to a violin lying on the floor,
I'm waiting for you.
Your shadow's long,
your face casts on the strings,
but your foot levers the door ajar.
A man repeatedly asks by my ears-
where you are?
My answer-
She's waiting for you.

 

Aurore O. Boulan - Visual, Arithmetic. Reminds me of Tom Wait's song ''Alice''. The final interjection, after the painted remembrance, and longing, calls for spirits to linger in hopes of requited affection, and a mutual sharing of their plight. I like it very much. If I had to give any advice...Perhaps I'd only invite you to continue on further this path of exquisite balance between setting and action. Dialogue is a very interesting tool in poetry. I implore you to explore it, and listen to the inner voices of inspiration. Muse or poet.

 

Jenny Middleton - I love the symbolism you build up in this poem to convey a sense of dream. 

The Dark Faery - I like your poem.  The flow moves at a good pace.  Good imagery, I can see the shadows and faces. 

Keep on writing.

Femfem - Dream! Dream!! Dream!!!
I thoroughly enjoyed your depth. Thank you!

所有跟帖: 

沙發 -塵凡無憂- 給 塵凡無憂 發送悄悄話 塵凡無憂 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 12/03/2021 postreply 15:21:23

哈,我記得這首,當時狠誇了你一把。。。:) -塵凡無憂- 給 塵凡無憂 發送悄悄話 塵凡無憂 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 12/03/2021 postreply 15:23:53

謝謝!被你誇了才有膽憋出這個英文版 -顫音- 給 顫音 發送悄悄話 顫音 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 12/03/2021 postreply 16:40:54

哦,你是先寫的中文版,然後翻譯成英文的?中文版給我的閱讀效果比英文好。:) -塵凡無憂- 給 塵凡無憂 發送悄悄話 塵凡無憂 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 12/03/2021 postreply 16:54:02

顫音把中文原文也一起貼上來吧。:) -塵凡無憂- 給 塵凡無憂 發送悄悄話 塵凡無憂 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 12/03/2021 postreply 16:55:03

沙沙 -西東人8- 給 西東人8 發送悄悄話 (0 bytes) () 12/03/2021 postreply 15:23:23

謝謝! -顫音- 給 顫音 發送悄悄話 顫音 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 12/03/2021 postreply 16:41:08

我是準備入夢了:) -浮雲馳- 給 浮雲馳 發送悄悄話 浮雲馳 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 12/03/2021 postreply 15:34:58

好夢! -顫音- 給 顫音 發送悄悄話 顫音 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 12/03/2021 postreply 16:41:30

-望沙- 給 望沙 發送悄悄話 望沙 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 12/03/2021 postreply 16:23:20

bar stool -顫音- 給 顫音 發送悄悄話 顫音 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 12/03/2021 postreply 16:42:05

Sweet dream -nearby- 給 nearby 發送悄悄話 nearby 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 12/03/2021 postreply 16:27:31

問好!have a dreamy weekend! -顫音- 給 顫音 發送悄悄話 顫音 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 12/03/2021 postreply 16:40:11

靜中的張力,不知為何讓我想起杯弓蛇影 -老鍵- 給 老鍵 發送悄悄話 老鍵 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 12/03/2021 postreply 20:47:01

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