（ZT） New Sexual Revolution: Polyamory May Be Good for You
在情人節的情侶到處都是，圖像。他們購買彼此的鑽石戒指，使的眼睛在昂貴的餐廳吃飯，canoodling對巧克力的草莓和香檳。但是，2個是不是唯一的方式去生活。事實上，估計有4％至5％的美國人正在尋找他們的愛和性的關係之外 - 與他們的合作夥伴的充分的權限。
這些的同意的nonmonogamous關係，作為他們所謂的，不符合文化規範的手把手的夫婦對生活的熱愛。他們在一係列令人眼花繚亂的形式，從偶爾“搖擺”在多人之間的長期承諾和開放的關係。現在，社會科學家開始全新的研究為這些類型的關係發現，他們可以挑戰方麵，我們認為，嫉妒，承諾和愛。他們甚至可能會改變一夫一妻製就更好了。
“在這些關係中的人真正溝通他們溝通的死亡，說：”Bjarne的福爾摩斯，在佛蒙特州尚普蘭學院的心理學家。該談判可能持有教訓為的monogamously的傾向，福爾摩斯告訴LiveScience。 “他們有可能做了很多的事情可能的事情，，如果實踐一夫一妻製的人誰沒有更多的，它們之間的關係實際上是更好的，”福爾摩斯說。 [6科學的提示，成功的婚姻]
檢查nonmonogamy
這項研究雙方同意nonmonogamy是一個相對較新的領域。在20世紀70年代，合作夥伴交換和擺動（娛樂性的關係外）進入了公眾的視線，和心理學家進行了一些研究。但是，該研究是有限的，大多是白色的，異性戀夫婦誰從事在擺動的樂趣，根據伊麗莎白·謝菲爾德，法律的顧問，前佐治亞州立大學教授，寫於2011年在中國當代民族誌。
這意味著，小的還不知道是誰參與了協商一致的nonmonogamy，為什麽。研究主要限於自我報告和調查中，人們可以想有一個積極的自我介紹。然而，一些關鍵的定義來理解。雙方同意nonmonogamy包含許多。它包括性別唯一的的安排，如兩個忠誠的夥伴同意，他們正在尋求與其他人發生性關係不附帶條件的。它也包括劈腿族，人人參與的同意和知識涉及多個在一次與承諾的關係。
雙方同意nonmonogamy不包括作弊，其他未經允許的，其中一個合夥人走了出來。
雖然是沒有協商一致nonmonogamy的國家統計數據，密歇根州的心理學家特裏 - 康利大學估計，大約有5％的美國人在這些類型的關係在任何給定的時間。從小事收集的數據，科學家們知道女同性戀，男同性戀和雙性戀者個人的略多，可能比異性進入nonmonogamous的關係，艾米說摩爾，康利的實驗室的研究生。所以，現在看來，高開放性的人格特質，這表明新的經驗，在高息的人。
到目前為止，研究表明，受過良好的教育，polyamorous個人持有碩士和博士學位，比一般人群，尚普蘭霍姆斯說，正在進行研究的的在線樣本超過5000 polyamorous個人的。盡管他們的智慧，他們不是特別有錢的。關於劈腿族的神話]
“這告訴我，這是可能的人往往比金錢更側重於生活中的經驗，”福爾摩斯說道。
嫉妒和愛
你有一個polyamorous關係嗎？
當然，越多越好。
沒辦法，我不能保持一個合作夥伴。
不適合我 - 我嫉妒的類型。
也許，合適的人。
查看結果分享
有一件事似乎團結的polyamorous社會是一個真正的熱情深入的情緒。誠信，開放性和通信polyamorous關係的基石，福爾摩斯發現。
“他們談了很多，他們談判，他們把自己的感情了很多的表，”他說。
這可能是明智的一夫一妻製夫妻模仿這種密集的對話，福爾摩斯說道。他的工作也表明，基本的情緒非常不同，在polyamorous關係。
以嫉妒。如果你問大多數人，他們會覺得，如果他們的伴侶發生過性關係或從此愛上了別人，反應將非常消極：恐懼，憤怒，嫉妒，排斥反應。問一個polyamorous的人相同的問題，他們很可能會告訴你，他們會很高興的。這是一個概念，叫做“compersion”，這意味著的合作夥伴時，發現的喜悅感覺愛你之外。這是典型的人可能會後，發現自己最好的朋友取得了她夢寐以求的工作的感覺類似，福爾摩斯說道。但在這種情況下，幸福源於愛人的外部關係。
這一發現挑戰許多傳統的心理研究，建立了嫉妒如何工作的。
“福爾摩斯說，”事實證明，嘿嘿，人都沒有反應，嫉妒，當他們的合作夥伴與別人調情。 “良好的科學試驗理論和預測...你需要看它是否擁有即使在極端的情況下。”
在另一個例子中的polyamorous人可能轉向典型的心理反應顛倒，福爾摩斯進行了初步分析，約200 polyamorous人，詢問他們的嫉妒的感覺。他說，通常情況下，你希望看到，女性更擔心情緒不忠，而男性更擔心對性不忠。這是沒有的情況下之間polyamorous個體。事實上，性和情感的嫉妒率無性別差異被發現。
所有這些都表明，polyamorous人是例外的嫉妒，福爾摩斯說道。但是，當小心翼翼地發生的時候，它的討論。鼓勵審視自己的心理，找出是什麽在困擾著他們和他們的需求沒有得到滿足的人感到嫉妒。然後對（或黑社會，或四）談判的界限。
安全性行為
福爾摩斯是認真地說他不支持任何特殊的關係結構。但是，在某些情況下，雙方同意nonmonogamy可能是一個更負責任的選擇 - 至少是一夫一妻製被證明是太強悍了。
密歇根州大學摩爾人已發現欺騙他們的合作夥伴性的人，是不太可能，而這樣做是在雙方同意的nonmonogamous關係的人相比，從事安全性行為。這項研究結果發表在2012年3月，在性醫學雜誌，適用於安全套的使用，使用的手套觸摸生殖器，性傳播疾病和性的曆史和消毒的性愛討論。 [50悶熱的事實，關於性別]
“同意的nonmonogamous關係的個人一刀切，還是安全”摩爾告訴LiveScience。第二項研究中，將刊登在即將出版的性健康雜誌，發現有“欺騙”的個人誰更有可能正確使用避孕套比實際的騙子。
部分差異的原因可能是雙方一致同意nonmonogamous的人往往明確規定，外部性是可以的，隻要它是安全的。騙子也更容易比同意的nonmonogamous的人是喝醉酒或藥物在其外部接觸。最後，跳過安全性可能是一個騙子來合理化自己的行為方式，摩爾說。
“如果他們走了出來，得到了保護，那麽它可能會顯得更有計劃，”她說。 “這可能也是一樣，”也許我不應該騙我的合作夥伴，如果我要步行到CVS拿起安全套。“
有許多懸而未決的問題，留下了大約劈腿和其他nonmonogamous安排，但研究拿起，“福爾摩斯說道。本周末，第一屆國際學術劈腿會議正在舉行的美國加州大學伯克利分校，有可能推動互聯網的興趣劈腿族，謝菲爾德說，誰是在一個書約polyamorous家庭工作。
“互聯網已經徹底改變一般為性少數的東西，”謝菲爾德告訴LiveScience。 “它為人們提供一個了解，它為人們提供尋找合作夥伴的方式。”
劈腿族足夠複雜和耗時，以至於它可能永遠都不會掩蓋一夫一妻製，謝菲爾德說。非排他性的鉤文化有年輕的的人談判雙方同意nonmonogamy從未像現在這樣，她說，越來越多的人都在思考建立自己動手，而不是預先包裝的關係。
“我認為，劈腿族共存作為一個不太受歡迎的選擇”比一夫一妻製，謝菲爾德說。 “人們將逐步中和了它在不同的時間在他們的生活中。”
On Valentine's Day, images of couples are everywhere. They're buying each other diamond rings, making eyes over expensive restaurant meals and canoodling over chocolate-covered strawberries and champagne. But two-by-two isn't the only way to go through life. In fact, an estimated 4 to 5 percent of Americans are looking outside their relationship for love and sex — with their partner's full permission.
These consensually nonmonogamous relationships, as they're called, don't conform to the cultural norm of a handholding couple in love for life. They come in a dizzying array of forms, from occasional "swinging" and open relationships to long-term commitments among multiple people. Now, social scientists embarking on brand-new research into these types of relationships are finding that they may challenge the ways we think of jealousy, commitment and love. They may even change monogamy for the better.
"People in these relationships really communicate. They communicate to death," said Bjarne Holmes, a psychologist at Champlain College in Vermont. All of that negotiation may hold a lesson for the monogamously inclined, Holmes told LiveScience.
"They are potentially doing quite a lot of things that could turn out to be things that if people who are practicing monogamy did more of, their relationships would actually be better off," Holmes said. [6 Scientific Tips for a Successful Marriage]
Examining nonmonogamy
The study of consensual nonmonogamy is a relatively new field. In the 1970s, partner-swapping and swinging (recreational sex outside of a relationship) came into the public eye, and psychologists conducted a few studies. But that research was limited to mostly white, heterosexual couples who engaged in swinging for fun, according to Elisabeth Sheff, a legal consultant and former Georgia State University professor, writing in 2011 in the Journal of Contemporary Ethnography.
That means little is yet known about who participates in consensual nonmonogamy and why. Research is largely limited to self-report and surveys, in which people can be tempted to present themselves in a positive light. There are, however, some key definitions to understand. Consensual nonmonogamy contains multitudes. It includes sex-only arrangements, such as two committed partners agreeing that they're allowed to seek no-strings-attached sex with other people. It also includes polyamory, which involves multiple committed relationships at once with the consent and knowledge of everyone involved.
Consensual nonmonogamy does not include cheating, in which one partner steps out without the permission of the other.
While there are no national statistics on consensual nonmonogamy, University of Michigan psychologist Terri Conley has estimated that about 5 percent of Americans are in one of these types of relationships at any given time. From the little data collected, scientists know le*****ian, gay and bisexual individuals are slightly more likely than heterosexuals to enter nonmonogamous relationships, said Amy Moors, a graduate student in Conley's lab. So, it seems, are people high in the personality trait of openness, which indicates high interest in new experiences.
So far, studies suggest that polyamorous individuals are well-educated, holding more master's and doctoral degrees than the general population, said Champlain's Holmes, who is conducting ongoing research of an online sample of more than 5,000 polyamorous individuals. Despite their smarts, they're not particularly wealthy. [5 Myths About Polyamory]
"That tells me that it's probably people who are often more focused on experiences in life," than money, Holmes said.
Jealousy & love
Would you ever have a polyamorous relationship?
Absolutely, the more the merrier.
No way, I can't keep up with one partner.
Not for me - I'm the jealous type.
Maybe, for the right people.
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One thing that seems to unite the polyamorous community is a real enthusiasm for digging into emotions. Honesty, openness and communication are cornerstones for polyamorous relationships, Holmes has found.
"They're talking a lot, they're negotiating a lot, they're bringing their feelings to the table a lot," he said.
It's this intensive conversation that might be wise for monogamous couples to emulate, Holmes said. His work also suggests that basic emotions work very differently in polyamorous relationships.
Take jealousy. If you ask most people how they'd feel if their partner had sex with or fell in love with someone else, the responses would be pretty negative: fear, anger, jealousy, rejection. Ask a polyamorous person the same question, and they're more likely to tell you they'd be thrilled. It's a concept called "compersion," which means the joy felt when a partner discovers love outside of you. It's similar to the feeling the typical person might get after finding out their best friend scored her dream job, Holmes said. But in this case, the happiness stems from a lover's external relationships.
That finding challenges much of what traditional psychological research has established about how jealousy works.
"It turns out that, hey, people are not reacting with jealousy when their partner is flirting with someone else," Holmes said. "Good science tests theories and predictions … you need to see if it holds up even in extreme situations."
In another example of polyamorous people potentially turning typical psychological reactions upside-down, Holmes conducted a preliminary analysis of about 200 polyamorous people, asking them about feelings of jealousy. Typically, he said, you'd expect to see that women are more anxious about emotional infidelity, while men worry more about sexual infidelity. That wasn't the case among the polyamorous individuals. In fact, there were no gender differences in rates of sexual and emotional jealousy to be found.
None of this suggests that polyamorous people are somehow immune to jealousy, Holmes said. But when jealously does occur, it's discussed. The person feeling jealous is encouraged to examine their own psyche to find out what's bothering them and which of their needs aren't being met. Then the pair (or triad, or quad) can negotiate boundaries.
Safe sex
Holmes is careful to say he's not advocating any particular relationship structure. But in some cases, consensual nonmonogamy may be a more responsible choice — at least if monogamy is proving too tough.
The University of Michigan's Moors has found that people who cheat on their partners sexually are less likely to engage in safe sex while doing so than are people in consensual nonmonogamous relationships. The findings, published in March 2012 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, apply to condom use, use of gloves for genital touching, discussion of sexually transmitted disease and sexual history and sterilization of sex toys. [50 Sultry Facts About Sex]
"Individuals in consensually nonmonogamous relationships were just safer across the board," Moors told LiveScience. A second study, to be published in a forthcoming issue of the Journal of Sexual Health, found that individuals who had permission to "cheat" were more likely to use condoms correctly than actual cheaters.
Part of the reason for the difference may be that consensually nonmonogamous people often explicitly stipulate that outside sex is okay, as long as it is safe. Cheaters were also more likely than consensually nonmonogamous people to be drunk or on drugs during their outside encounters. Finally, skipping safe sex may be a way for cheaters to rationalize their behavior, Moors said.
"If they had gone out and gotten protection then it might have seemed more planned," she said. "It might have been like, 'Maybe I shouldn't be cheating on my partner if I have to walk to CVS to pick up condoms.'"
There are many open questions left about polyamory and other nonmonogamous arrangements, but research is picking up, Holmes said. This weekend, the first International Academic Polyamory Conference is being held in Berkeley, Calif. The Internet has likely boosted interest in polyamory, said Sheff, who is working on a book about polyamorous families.
"The Internet has revolutionized things for sexual minorities in general," Sheff told LiveScience. "It offers people a way to find out about it, and it offers people a way to find partners."
Polyamory is complex enough and time-consuming enough that it will likely never overshadow serial monogamy, Sheff said. Nonexclusive hook-up culture has young people negotiating consensual nonmonogamy like never before, she said, and people are increasingly thinking of relationships as build-it-yourself rather than prepackaged.
"I think polyamory will co-exist as a less popular option" than monogamy, Sheff said. "Or people will phase in and out of it at different times in their lives."
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