I am not quite understanding what you are saying since most of time it will take sometime for me to digest your philosophy.
I feel life is like you drive your own car. You are the one who holds the steer and drives on the road you choose. You have to adjust your direction based on the circumstance on the road. You can only decide for yourself and you have no control for others even he/she is your spouse, son, daughter, mother, father, and a coworker.
You have to work on your own inner peace. You only own your own life. No one is your destiny. You can own her/him for a moment but you can’t own someone forever even your kids.