回複悄悄話

回複（一）
工作的極度繁忙幫我度過了最初的煎熬。
我忍不住還是發短信給他告訴他我工作上的成功和煩惱，他總是第一時間打電話回來祝賀我或安慰我。但他從來不主動打擾我。
我和老公的感情越來越好，可總是偶爾會很心痛地想到以前和那個他在一起的美好時光。
畢竟都結束了，我現在還仍然那麽熱烈地喜歡他，但那種愛的感覺開始向親情轉化。從今天開始我不再聯係他了，我知道他還在關心著我，希望我幸福快樂就夠了。
希望我們一起加油一起堅持，愛一個人，默默祝福也是足夠的，能有一段那麽美好的回憶也是珍貴的。

(I just read your post
http://web.wenxuecity.com/BBSView.php?SubID=romance&MsgID=621431.

and wanted to say that we are having exactly the same experience :).

The more I am away from him, although I still hurt and the pain of missing him is strong sometimes, the more I feel I'm finding myself back and my family life is getting better and better. Also I agree with you so much when you said that when we ourselves are out of our own misery, we have more to give to friends and family.

And he is a great man. He respected my choice and completely understood how I felt. I'm sure yours is the same.

Just want to share and thank you for posting your story. It resonates with me completely.

Thanks)

回複（二）

不失去不會珍惜，你現在正在享有真正的幸福，愛你的老公，平靜的生活。
當我經曆了那種錐心的痛苦，和想毀滅一切的瘋狂後才發現，原來平靜的生活才是真正幸福的生活，對不在身邊不在生活裏的人的愛情和激情充斥了太多自己的想像，充滿了太多的無法左右的絕望。
有得必有失，好好衡量一下，值不值得。

（謝謝你的回複。我之所以特別佩服你，是因為我覺得你的境況比較複雜，要走出來不容易，而且那些最終促使你走出來的事情，肯定讓你傷透了心，你才會有如此的決心。跟你相比，我很慚愧，我的情況可以說跟你的情況根本沒有可比性。我可以說是在自尋煩惱地讓自己陷入了這種痛苦的境地。我的他是我二十年前的大學時期的戀人，當年因為他的原因我們黯然分手。二十年後的今天，早已各自成家的我們在網絡上再次相遇，交談之下，發現盡管我們二十年沒有對方的消息，但是彼此還在愛戀牽掛著對方，我們互為彼此一生中的第一個男人和女人，盡管在今天這已不算什麽，可是對我們來說卻是刻骨銘心的。我是一個性情中人，又是一個女人，再次相逢，讓我深深地陷入了又一次戀愛中不能自拔，但是我們隻能是精神戀愛，因為他在國內，我想我今後也不可能再見到他。我每天都給他發郵件，他基本上每次必回，但是非常簡短。開始的時候他就告訴我他一直愛著我，願意和我保持這樣的關係，盡管他不愛甜言蜜語，但他對我的感情和我對他的感情是一樣的。可是隨著時間的流逝，我感到很痛苦，我感覺不到他的愛，我就覺得自己是在自作多情，他不說什麽，是不是因為他已不願意在這樣沒有實質的感情上付出。其實今天的他我並不了解，我是因為愛二十年前的他，所以就愛著今天的他。其實二十年前的他也是不愛甜言蜜語的。我現在很煩，可又舍不得放棄他。我的老公很愛我，盡管我們性格不是很合拍。問題是我對我的老公沒有什麽激情，甚至結婚的時候就是很理智地結了婚，這樣的婚姻也許很難抵擋昔日的戀情。我知道自己在做一件愚蠢的事，被感情衝昏了頭腦，可是我怎樣才能把這件事放下而走出來呢？你能為我指點一些嗎？謝謝！）

回複（三）

agree
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Interesting point: "Jail of Love" only means inequal love.

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:), I have to say I am lucky. Without true love, it is easy to be set free. Otherwise, you are in jail of love. That is painful.

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Interesting, Z is lucky. I have loved her and she is free. Nevertheless, we are simply human beings, we make mistakes, we do things that are not rational, we betray our friends/loved ones sometimes. That is human being and that is life!

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Thanks! I am cheered up already. He told me the same thing: it is not just for sex. He did what he said on this point.But he never says love to me.

I can feel his fond emotion and I know we have attraction for both.

But that is not enough!

As a proud woman, I can only be the one who be cared first. My hu*****and can do this.But my lover can't. And I totally understand his situation. He is doing the right thing.

We have great memory for the past. And I like him so much.

That is enough for ending a relationship with appreciation and bless.

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What's the difference between Affair and Love? If he is interested in sex only, leaving him immediately; if that is not true, does it mean that he is looking for love too? For example, I love Zirui but it doesn't mean I just need to have sex with her. Adjust your mood and cheer up!

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I am not Z。

Men are looking for affair after marriages.
Women are looking for love after marriages.
This causes tragedy.
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BTW: Are you Z?

The essay you composed reflects the feelings of many who fell in love after their marriages.

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Thanks!

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Interesting, but I can understand it.

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I love my hu*****and more. Maybe he love his wife more.

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You should be married to him.

所有跟帖： 

• 反正愛也愛了，分也分了，剩下的就要享受生活的每一天 -雞爪VS鳳爪- ♀ (0 bytes) () 07/22/2010 postreply 15:23:39

• 祝賀你，從愛獄裏釋放出來，不容易啊，羨慕你也曾得到，愛曾經來過 -我邊走邊問- ♀ (0 bytes) () 07/22/2010 postreply 16:59:38

• 這個倒牙。 -8Gua9Gu- ♂ (0 bytes) () 07/22/2010 postreply 17:09:44

• 能做到這點太不容易了。:) -八音澗- ♀ (191 bytes) () 07/22/2010 postreply 17:18:17