so sad and lost - anyone had similar experience?

Recently got to know this boy. Been hanging out together often and I feel that there is definitely mutual attractions - at least he likes to be with me, alone. And we've been chatting a lot, online or in person.

At the beginning of our friendship, I asked him whether he had GF at the moment, he said no. Asked him whether he's seeing anyone, he said no.

Once I asked him what he'd do when he likes someone, he said he'd take his time to get to know that person because it's a huge emotional risk to be romantically involved. Then he also said "don't you worry, I'll eventually get there."

So I've been waiting for things to possibly move forward between us. We've never kissed, only gentle hugs. I was more and more drawn to him, but felt he always kept the same distance - when he sees me, he looks happy to be with me; when I'm out of his sight, I seem to be also out of his mind. I've been trying not to behave needy or clingy or nosy, though it's not been easy. I felt he puzzled me a lot. When I told him that I felt there was a lot I didn't know about him, he laughed and said "you know everything about me, more than my other friends."

Then one day not long ago, another mutual friend of ours casually mentioned to me that he's gay. I was completely shocked. Unfortunately, it seems to be a fact that everyone around us already knows for a long time, and I guess he must have thought that I figured it out from the very begninning. But I've been completely CLUELESS.:(

Now when I look back, there were indeed clues. He has a lot of gay friends, some are also my friends, although he didn't really look/behave like any of them. And he has pretty good taste about pretty much everything. How could I be so clueless?

Anyway, I've been sad ever since but also have been recovering. We're still good friends, but the friendship has a completely different meaning to me now (though no difference to him at all). I don't plan to ever talk to him about this misunderstanding, because I feel really awkward. And I feel that it's not a topic he'd like to discuss with me either, otherwise why didn't he ever mention it? There had been so many occassions he could have mentioned it.

He's Asian, grew up in Canada, tall, smart, and good-looking. I'm not the girliest girl in the world, but I'm pretty, and obviously straight. Couldn't he tell that my feeling for him was different from the feeling for a gay friend?

所有跟帖： 

• 知道自己很傻 - 這種悲哀是我以前從來沒有過的。 -心碎的聲音- ♀ (311 bytes) () 04/24/2010 postreply 14:17:36

• 回複：Move on. -hjs2010- ♂ (0 bytes) () 04/24/2010 postreply 14:38:06

• 所以我特別不喜歡男人, 被形容成"帥", 或"漂亮". -鐵塔哥- ♂ (0 bytes) () 04/24/2010 postreply 15:19:34

• 失望而已 -青柏- ♀ (4 bytes) () 04/24/2010 postreply 15:20:51

• My opinion -塞上孤星- ♀ (153 bytes) () 04/24/2010 postreply 16:38:19

• maybe -青柏- ♀ (0 bytes) () 04/24/2010 postreply 16:40:44

• Yeah, I think he is a good boy. -心碎的聲音- ♀ (437 bytes) () 04/24/2010 postreply 18:26:32

• Some gays are born to be gays, some can go straight later. -塞上孤星- ♀ (231 bytes) () 04/24/2010 postreply 19:51:03

• 回複：so sad and lost - anyone had similar experience? -pjx- ♂ (149 bytes) () 04/24/2010 postreply 17:14:27

• not sure what you're talking about. -心碎的聲音- ♀ (189 bytes) () 04/24/2010 postreply 18:32:55