here's my two cents:

1. you need to heal yourself first.

2. i think he does love you in his heart, he just doesn't have the ability to act out this love. when he's affraid to give love, when you complain, his reaction is to pull back and turn cold, rather than to apologize and comfort you. that's because he can't love, but he can feel hurt, and by pulling back he's actually waiting for you to soften up first, to show him that you still love him. i bet you have seem this tons of times.

3. if you haven't, read books about this kind of personality. MEN WHO CAN'T LOVE, WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH, ADDICTION TO LOVE...to mention a few. you can go on amazon.com and read the reviews of these books, actually many people have such behavior patterns, and many have suffered as their spouses. i would suggest you to go to a counseler if possible, but if you can't now, start reading will help too.

4. usually the professional suggestion to such situation is to let go... because such perons may never heal, even with the help of professionals. by the way, he does need professional help, not just yours. the problem is, even if he improves with help, at times of emergency, when he comes under pressure, it's very easy for him to behave the old way. so you need to be as strong as a robot, and you need to re-charge yourself periodically without relying on him, you need to know all these before you make a decision.

5. some of them do recover, and remain married. but the chance is not high.

but i think the most important thing now for you, is to get some emotional support for yourself. don't discuss about the future of your marriage with him now, since you need a clear mind to do so. and he's only acting out of impulse, he may be even colder if you criticize him more. talk to someone who can understand you and comfort you.

所有跟帖： 

• Thanks for the points. You are absolutely right! -Laolan- ♀ (608 bytes) () 12/07/2009 postreply 19:33:13

• 抱抱~ -yonder- ♀ (1432 bytes) () 12/07/2009 postreply 20:03:46