急需文學城朋友們的分析和建議

When we got married three years ago my wife has nearly no saving. We did love each other and got married quickly. As I am a US citizen she got greencard form me and also with my support, she joined my company and landed a great job. We used to have joint account all the time even when she didn’t work. Then my parents came to US for a visit and my father complained to my mother-in-law on us mainly due to some misunderstanding after he went back to Shanghai. My in-law got mad and called my wife from Shanghai ordering her to set up separate bank account from me. My mother-in law also complained that my wife had to pay house mortgage with me. She also calculated my wife’s wage, 401K and forecasted her portion of possible savings from our joint account on the phone from Shanghai. One reason for financial separation is that it is easy for my wife to support her in future if she wants to buy an apartment in Shanghai. Then my wife and I started financial separation. First we had to calculate the prior 12 months expenses and did the separation. Up to now we have separate financial accounts, staying together like roommate A-A style. My in-laws recently visited us and stayed for six months. We had argument again for this financial separation. Our relationship and marriage were damaged and we are at the verge of living separately and filing divorce. We decided to reconcile and moved together to save the marriage.

We relocated here last year. With my help my wife again landed a great job with me at the same company. I sold my house in MI and incurred $50K loss. I purchased house by myself prior to marriage. Now we rent a condo and we are carefully looking for house in the price range of $250K. We don’t have much savings. My wife wants to send her parents $100K back to Shanghai to support their buying a new apartment. It is a big amount for us. My parents live in Shanghai in an apartment built in 1993. They understand that housing price in Shanghai is too high and they don’t want to burden me even I am the only child in the family. My parents always ask me to focus on my own family first, buying house in US for the family here. Besides, there might be a house pricing bubble in Shanghai now. My in-laws live in a relatively good area in Shanghai. They will get 1,000,000 RMB for relocation. I agree that my wife could support them $50K USD, plus their own savings, they could buy an apartment relatively far from where they live now at round 1,600,000 RMB at around 20000RMB/M2. However they insist on buying an apartment in the same area where they live now. The cost could run 2,000,000 RMB and my wife wants to send them $100K. I think that for retired people, location was not that critical as long as it is still within the city limit. You could take subway or call taxi if you have some emergency.

To sum up these are the reason why I suggest supporting in-laws $50K.

1.We are not rich and don’t have much savings and we need to save money for our family. We are middle-aged already. We still rent a condo here. We incurred loss in both 401K and housing market. We are trying to buy house here in the range of $250K.
2. I opposed their using all their savings to buy an apartment in Shanghai. My in-laws need to have some cash savings for their future. Even buying the 1.6M RMB apartment they will leave with no savings at all, it just doesn’t make any financial sense. They need to plan their retirement instead of simply doing what they want to do.
3. It is very likely that we will support my in-laws in future. We also need to have a budget and plan instead of simply supporting what they ask for.
4. The housing price in Shanghai is too high recently. There might be a bubble there. Besides we couldn’t afford to use $100K to take the risk for investment. We are not rich enough to take the risk.
5. Supporting $50K could help them to buy an apartment around 1.6M RMB. My in-laws need to be considerate and compromise to buy an apartment not in the same area they are living now. We need your help to provide input:

1. Can my in-laws interfere with our life? Can my in-law manage our financials, encouraging financial separation between us?

2. Should my wife do what her mother instructed her to do?

3. Is $50K support instead of $100K fair and reasonable based on our current financial condition, with the fact that we don’t have much savings now, we rent a condo and we are looking for house here now, plus the fact that my parents live in an old apartment in Shanghai?

4. Should my in-laws be more considerate and make some compromise to buy apartment at 1.6M RMB in an area not where they live now?


Thank you for the help.