Most people are capable of listening ,but in many times they do not really understand the people whom he listen to , this is because they do not know how to listen deeply to another people, in other words, how to deeply understand another human being. Listening to most people is a born skill, but deep understanding is a skill most people need to learn in whole life time. We use ear to listen, but we need use heart to listen deeply or to understand deeply. Listening and deep understanding are definitely two different thing .
In a marriage , quarrel is very common , the reason why a small quarrel usually upgrade to a bitter one is because one or both sides do not listen deeply. For example when wife complain hu*****and for a trivial thing . what she really want to say is I feel neglected ,I need you spend more time with me . but hu*****and just listen what she is talking literally and therefore “understand” how reticular she is to yell me just for this trivial thing. The more he defend himself rationally . The more he irritate his wife. Because she feel he is not care about her feeling and therefore is hurt emotionally .
woman is not made of a rib out of the side of Adam, woman is made of her own feeling. The reason why a woman is fighting back normally because her feeling is neglected or hurt. the real reason is not what she is talking about , it is just because you fail to care her feeling. To love a woman is not just marked by an unforgettable romantic feeling , a fantastic love letter or a poem that pull heart string ,to love a woman is mean to take care of her feeling, from what she dream in the future to what she live in every normal day. And this love skill is marked by deeply understanding the other half. This skill is learned after marriage and for sure need keep practicing.
Lack of ability to deeply understanding another people also happens in other family relationships like parents-children, for instance a mother may dislike her daughter-in-law at first time just because the mother judge her based on her life experience and perspectives and does not deeply understand how important this girl for his son. And this mistake will create huge tension in their later family relationship.
Couple days ago, I heard a true story. a 11 year boy whose parents divorced, then he was sent to his grandparents home for some time. Where he frequently yelled his grandmother for not cooking food the way he like. The grandmother was also very mad and called a psychologist to complain about how crazy his grandson and how unbelievable his behavior was. The psychologist explained why the boy acted like that is because he felt powerless for his parent’s divorce. So he need find his power to control something Later psychologist gave a good solution : grandma go to bookstore with the boy and ask him to pick a cooking book he like and cook whatever he like. this solution works very well.
The ability to deeply understanding different people under different situation is a very high lever skill and is the key to build up great relationship and achieve great accomplishment.
If you seek love , seek building up good relationship -----seek first to understand ,then to be understood.
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In a marriage , quarrel is very common , the reason why a small quarrel usually upgrade to a bitter one is because one or both sides do not listen deeply. For example when wife complain hu*****and for a trivial thing . what she really want to say is I feel neglected ,I need you spend more time with me . but hu*****and just listen what she is talking literally and therefore “understand” how reticular she is to yell me just for this trivial thing. The more he defend himself rationally . The more he irritate his wife. Because she feel he is not care about her feeling and therefore is hurt emotionally .
woman is not made of a rib out of the side of Adam, woman is made of her own feeling. The reason why a woman is fighting back normally because her feeling is neglected or hurt. the real reason is not what she is talking about , it is just because you fail to care her feeling. To love a woman is not just marked by an unforgettable romantic feeling , a fantastic love letter or a poem that pull heart string ,to love a woman is mean to take care of her feeling, from what she dream in the future to what she live in every normal day. And this love skill is marked by deeply understanding the other half. This skill is learned after marriage and for sure need keep practicing.
Lack of ability to deeply understanding another people also happens in other family relationships like parents-children, for instance a mother may dislike her daughter-in-law at first time just because the mother judge her based on her life experience and perspectives and does not deeply understand how important this girl for his son. And this mistake will create huge tension in their later family relationship.
Couple days ago, I heard a true story. a 11 year boy whose parents divorced, then he was sent to his grandparents home for some time. Where he frequently yelled his grandmother for not cooking food the way he like. The grandmother was also very mad and called a psychologist to complain about how crazy his grandson and how unbelievable his behavior was. The psychologist explained why the boy acted like that is because he felt powerless for his parent’s divorce. So he need find his power to control something Later psychologist gave a good solution : grandma go to bookstore with the boy and ask him to pick a cooking book he like and cook whatever he like. this solution works very well.
The ability to deeply understanding different people under different situation is a very high lever skill and is the key to build up great relationship and achieve great accomplishment.
If you seek love , seek building up good relationship -----seek first to understand ,then to be understood.
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