會開完了party結束了,我們回到了各自繁忙的生活.唯一微妙的變化是他在IM上ping 我的次數多了，不過大多dashing in and out, 問個好，送個link，不是HBR上的奇文共賞就是movie review。我會問問孩子（知道他的故事後，there is always a soft spot in my heart for his son），有時間也會討論一下文章或是電影. 後來我把兒子outgrown的整套Thomas the Tank Engine train table and train set送給他兒子，所以偶爾會收到兩張孩子和Thomas的照片。看似淡淡的君子之交，不經意中建立起來的是對彼此的信任，了解和欣賞。
得益於周五在家上班，我安排每周去兒子的教室做classroom helper，這讓他很開心，自豪地把我介紹給他的校長，老師和朋友們，並偷偷告訴我他們班女生說我看起來很年輕，‘But I told them you are actually 39 except that you look 29 with makeup，so you should be proud Mommy’. 那年他10歲，正是從little boy變成little young man的年紀，開始了對事物的觀察和形成自己的見解。 春假我帶他去了一趟西班牙和法國，他不理解為什麽這麽美麗富庶的地方會有那麽多 homeless, 同情著呢，每次坐地鐵他都把我身上的硬幣掏幹淨給他們，有一次我逗他說‘兒子， 這可是兩歐元呢‘，他說’Come on mommy, we are in Europe, everything is expensive’,言下之意是歐洲的homeless 的 cost of living 比美國高。回來後他專門寫了一篇有關homeless的文章，情文並茂地闡述為什麽政府，尤其是富裕的政府應該努力來杜絕這種現象。 還有我從那時開始教他理財的常識。幾年前 Google IPO我用孩子的壓歲錢給他買了20股 GOOG,現在學會了如何看股市，天天得意地算計他那點錢，牛得好像可以買下整個世界。我很慶幸超近距離地見證了他的那段成長。更驚喜的是後來的一年裏，孩子給我支持，讓我領悟，從精神上給了我極大的安慰。
EX最後決定還是在附近買房子，我於是忙著賣股票，exercise options為他籌措down payment. 不是我高尚或慷慨，He is entitled for half of my money anyway, 我何不在還能控製這筆錢的時候讓他有點尊嚴地move out， 為孩子和他在一起的生活作最好的安排？況且我的大度和配合讓他很內疚，在後來的離婚手續和孩子custody上他基本上理智和amicable. 如果離婚給孩子的傷害再所難免，那麽和EX 維持一個友好合作的關係是給孩子不幸中最大的禮物。 我是學經濟的， 深諳local and global optimization 的道理。 看見周圍的朋友離婚時為了所謂的‘原則’而斤斤計較，我會提醒她們在做 local optimization而忘了給孩子留下最大的利益，which is the global optimization.
等房子in escrow, 搬家的日期敲定，該告訴兒子爸爸要搬走這一事實了。對父母而言那是世界上最艱巨的Mission Impossible， 對孩子而言， No one in the world deserves to have this kind of conversation. 為了真實地紀錄曆史， 下麵是the uncut version of the conversation w my son:
M:‘Honey, I have something important to discuss with you, I feel bad that it comes down to this point but let me ensure you that things will be fine in the end.’
S: ‘Sure, what is it?’
M: ‘Dad and I are having a hard time, and you may have noticed something wasn’t right between us. We have decided to separate for now, as a result daddy will move to a different house near by.’
S:’No, I don’t want that!!!’(started crying)
M hugged S: ‘I understand how hard it is for you. But I want you to know that mom and dad will continue to love you unconditionally regardless where dad lives. You will have your own bedroom there. You can bike between the two houses. The only difference is you’ll spend some nights here and other nights at daddy’s’.
S (calmed down a bit): ‘Mommy, actually I am not surprised, because you two are weird’
M: ‘how so?’
S: ‘You guys don’t hate each other, but don’t love each other either. You two are like… co-workers’
M (speechless)…
S: ‘Mommy, I don’t want my friends to find out about this. I don’t want them to feel sorry for me’
M: ‘of course, you decide when the time is right, when you feel more comfortable to tell them, maybe 1, 2 or 5 years from now. Since daddy is so close by, he will be around a lot, your friends will hardly notice anything.’
S: ‘Mommy, I think after daddy moves out, he’ll have a girlfriend, they’ll have a baby and daddy will forget about me’(fighting back tears)
M: ‘Oh honey, it doesn’t matter how many babies daddy might have later, you are always his first and most precious baby, you are one and only, you are irreplaceable. ‘
S: ‘Mommy, next time make sure you find someone who truly loves you’
M: ‘I’ll try, but how can I tell?’
S: ‘If he makes you laugh’
M: ‘Mommy, will you have enough money to pay for the mortgage? If not, you can sell my Google shares.’
現在輪到我fight back tears了。
得益於周五在家上班，我安排每周去兒子的教室做classroom helper，這讓他很開心，自豪地把我介紹給他的校長，老師和朋友們，並偷偷告訴我他們班女生說我看起來很年輕，‘But I told them you are actually 39 except that you look 29 with makeup，so you should be proud Mommy’. 那年他10歲，正是從little boy變成little young man的年紀，開始了對事物的觀察和形成自己的見解。 春假我帶他去了一趟西班牙和法國，他不理解為什麽這麽美麗富庶的地方會有那麽多 homeless, 同情著呢，每次坐地鐵他都把我身上的硬幣掏幹淨給他們，有一次我逗他說‘兒子， 這可是兩歐元呢‘，他說’Come on mommy, we are in Europe, everything is expensive’,言下之意是歐洲的homeless 的 cost of living 比美國高。回來後他專門寫了一篇有關homeless的文章，情文並茂地闡述為什麽政府，尤其是富裕的政府應該努力來杜絕這種現象。 還有我從那時開始教他理財的常識。幾年前 Google IPO我用孩子的壓歲錢給他買了20股 GOOG,現在學會了如何看股市，天天得意地算計他那點錢，牛得好像可以買下整個世界。我很慶幸超近距離地見證了他的那段成長。更驚喜的是後來的一年裏，孩子給我支持，讓我領悟，從精神上給了我極大的安慰。
EX最後決定還是在附近買房子，我於是忙著賣股票，exercise options為他籌措down payment. 不是我高尚或慷慨，He is entitled for half of my money anyway, 我何不在還能控製這筆錢的時候讓他有點尊嚴地move out， 為孩子和他在一起的生活作最好的安排？況且我的大度和配合讓他很內疚，在後來的離婚手續和孩子custody上他基本上理智和amicable. 如果離婚給孩子的傷害再所難免，那麽和EX 維持一個友好合作的關係是給孩子不幸中最大的禮物。 我是學經濟的， 深諳local and global optimization 的道理。 看見周圍的朋友離婚時為了所謂的‘原則’而斤斤計較，我會提醒她們在做 local optimization而忘了給孩子留下最大的利益，which is the global optimization.
等房子in escrow, 搬家的日期敲定，該告訴兒子爸爸要搬走這一事實了。對父母而言那是世界上最艱巨的Mission Impossible， 對孩子而言， No one in the world deserves to have this kind of conversation. 為了真實地紀錄曆史， 下麵是the uncut version of the conversation w my son:
M:‘Honey, I have something important to discuss with you, I feel bad that it comes down to this point but let me ensure you that things will be fine in the end.’
S: ‘Sure, what is it?’
M: ‘Dad and I are having a hard time, and you may have noticed something wasn’t right between us. We have decided to separate for now, as a result daddy will move to a different house near by.’
S:’No, I don’t want that!!!’(started crying)
M hugged S: ‘I understand how hard it is for you. But I want you to know that mom and dad will continue to love you unconditionally regardless where dad lives. You will have your own bedroom there. You can bike between the two houses. The only difference is you’ll spend some nights here and other nights at daddy’s’.
S (calmed down a bit): ‘Mommy, actually I am not surprised, because you two are weird’
M: ‘how so?’
S: ‘You guys don’t hate each other, but don’t love each other either. You two are like… co-workers’
M (speechless)…
S: ‘Mommy, I don’t want my friends to find out about this. I don’t want them to feel sorry for me’
M: ‘of course, you decide when the time is right, when you feel more comfortable to tell them, maybe 1, 2 or 5 years from now. Since daddy is so close by, he will be around a lot, your friends will hardly notice anything.’
S: ‘Mommy, I think after daddy moves out, he’ll have a girlfriend, they’ll have a baby and daddy will forget about me’(fighting back tears)
M: ‘Oh honey, it doesn’t matter how many babies daddy might have later, you are always his first and most precious baby, you are one and only, you are irreplaceable. ‘
S: ‘Mommy, next time make sure you find someone who truly loves you’
M: ‘I’ll try, but how can I tell?’
S: ‘If he makes you laugh’
M: ‘Mommy, will you have enough money to pay for the mortgage? If not, you can sell my Google shares.’
現在輪到我fight back tears了。
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