英譯練習：金縷曲顧貞觀（意形韻的取舍請教）

小貝殼weed · 2016-12-09 04:47:24Z

英譯練習：金縷曲顧貞觀（意形韻的取舍請教）簡介

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W兄說我的Sonnet 4翻譯是“小貝十四行”，我鬥膽猜測他的意思是我的拙譯不夠14行或超過14行？想聽聽高手對“形”的高見。

以下是我的另一個練習，我用仿雙行體的形式，不知是否合適？多謝指教！在意形韻的取舍該如何？我覺得意第一。。。

古詞英譯：金縷曲
（其二）顧貞觀

其二

我亦飄零久！十年來，深恩負盡，死生師友。宿昔齊名非忝竊，隻看杜陵消瘦，曾不減，夜郎僝僽，薄命長辭知已別，問人生到此淒涼否？千萬恨，為君剖。

兄生辛未吾丁醜，共此時，冰霜摧折，早衰蒲柳。詩賦從今須少作，留取心魄相守。但願得，河清人壽！歸日急翻行戍稿，把空名料理傳身後。言不盡，觀頓首。

I've also wandered forever and a day!
For the last ten years, I regretted not to pay
my teacher and friends who shared my hard time,
and my joys back in those years, my prime.
Back then they said we shared the same fame,
it seemed to be true, that almost as the same
as Du Fu who was so worried about Li Bai,
not less than Li Bai himself who had been exiled.
Alas, look at me now, I have lost my wife,
separated with my bosom friend, what a life!
I have so much resentment need to tell.
I will pour my heart out to you all in detail.
You were born in Xinwei year and I Dingchou,
Both of us have suffered from ice and snow.
We all look haggard as if dead willows trees,
I advise that you should write less poetries.
Take care of yourself, and let's stay together,
I wish the Yellow River will be clear,
and both of us will have a long lifespan!
When you come back from the frontier, then
in no time you will sort out all your scripts,
and then pass them on to our descendants.
But I think we will deal with misery,
before we can receive any glory.
Words in my heart never come out enough,
I knock my head, pay my respect with love.

Translator:
小貝殼 Feb. 20, 2015