秋臨水墨非籬影,葉落丹青是蕾香。非對是,讀來略感到板了一點。如換成葉落丹青帶蕾香,似乎更生動一些。偶感而已。
眉黛妝成雲似岫,唇脂漏點麵如霜。好聯喜讀。
所有跟帖:
• 大謝曲師點評並賜字!當時寫得時候曾自鳴得意,覺得很工^_^,經曲師一說,確實板了,按曲師意思改了!再謝曲師批評指點! -一劍天涯- ♂ (0 bytes) () 09/06/2015 postreply 05:54:48
秋臨水墨非籬影,葉落丹青是蕾香。非對是,讀來略感到板了一點。如換成葉落丹青帶蕾香,似乎更生動一些。偶感而已。
• 大謝曲師點評並賜字!當時寫得時候曾自鳴得意,覺得很工^_^,經曲師一說,確實板了,按曲師意思改了!再謝曲師批評指點! -一劍天涯- ♂ (0 bytes) () 09/06/2015 postreply 05:54:48
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