首句如改成“ 最好人間五月天”,或最愛,就合律了。首句第二字當仄。詞是好詞,讚!
所有跟帖:
• 謝謝曲老師臨帖勘誤! -兩由之- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/27/2015 postreply 06:53:22
• 不忍見佳作有小疵耳。讀了您幾首作品,喜歡,感到由之兄頗有詩腸。 -曲未平- ♂ (0 bytes) () 05/27/2015 postreply 11:51:50
• 謝謝曲老師臨帖勘誤! -兩由之- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/27/2015 postreply 06:53:22
• 不忍見佳作有小疵耳。讀了您幾首作品,喜歡,感到由之兄頗有詩腸。 -曲未平- ♂ (0 bytes) () 05/27/2015 postreply 11:51:50
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