在一個朋友的推薦下，上周六，我在離家不遠的健身中心的跑步機上跑了四英裏，同時觀看了一部名為《戀人》的電影。
電影講的是一對已婚多年但已經完全冷漠的夫婦邁克爾和瑪麗與他人有長期的婚外情的故事。他們竭盡全力維持某種和平的家庭生活，以期期待他們的獨生子喬和他的女友艾琳的到來。
邁克爾的情人芭蕾老師露西（Lucy）在迫使邁克爾與瑪麗分手時，對邁克爾的無為和優柔寡斷越來越感到沮喪。邁克爾向露西保證：“我的兒子和他的女朋友來拜訪我們。這是他多年來的第一次訪問。讓他們過得愉快。他們離開後，我將與她分手，我們將在一起。你會後悔，那你會向我道歉。”邁克爾對露西說。露西似乎不相信。那些不愉快的討論對他們的戀愛關係產生了負麵影響。以至於邁克爾有時不接電話。當邁克爾拜訪露西在她家時，她會故意任性，有點歇斯底裏的感覺。
瑪麗的情人是羅伯特。他們的戀情似乎比邁克爾和露西的愉快些。你會看到他們彼此依戀-微笑，一起喝酒，一起跳舞-他們對彼此更加熱情。您可以感覺到他們之間的愛。但是，羅伯特（Robert）強烈要求瑪麗（Mary）解除婚姻關係，並與他一起前進。瑪麗答應她會盡快這樣做，也許是在他們兒子訪問期間。
邁克爾和瑪麗本人在婚外活動時都高度懷疑對方是否出軌。為了減輕配偶的懷疑，他們更加投入在性愛中。
最終，他們的兒子和他的女友即將來臨，邁克爾和瑪麗去了一家雜貨店，采購家庭晚餐的食品。羅伯特背著瑪麗走近邁克爾並告訴他：“當你兒子在這裏時，她會和你分手，她會永遠離開你。”在瑪麗回到邁克爾之前，羅伯特消失在人群中。
家庭晚餐看起來不錯，夫妻倆幸福地在一起生活。知道他們婚姻狀況的現實，喬無法相信自己所看到的。
第二天早上，瑪麗去了羅伯特的家。他發出了最後通牒，瑪麗不太情願地做出了最後決定。當她從“散步”回來時，她和艾琳駕車去商場購物，而邁克爾和喬斯準備晚餐。
在回來的路上，露西走近汽車，對瑪麗怒吼。瑪麗知道發生了什麽事，就把愛琳放到了家裏，去了一個安靜的地方獨自思量。
邁克爾獨自一人見到愛琳回家時，問道：“瑪麗在哪裏？”愛琳隻能說“她不在了。”邁克爾重複道：“她不在。”
當喬發現瑪麗沒有和艾琳一起回家時，他將怒氣轉嫁到了父親。 “你真是個騙人的家夥。”喬對父親說。
瑪麗坐在太陽下山的車裏，排練她的台詞，就像她在和兒子喬說話一樣：“我知道你在生他的氣，但我也犯錯了。抱歉，您永遠不會知道我有多抱歉。我們搞砸了，但我們不是壞人。”
然後，她收拾了一下自己，開車回家。
在客廳裏，最後的時刻到了。喬再次將怒氣轉嫁給父親。瑪麗要求喬坐下…
瑪麗開始講話。邁克爾悲哀地閉上了眼睛。
喬打斷了瑪麗：“您打算告訴我嗎？你在等我到這裏嗎？那麽，為什麽要全部演出呢？你為什麽表現得像你們在一起幸福？”
瑪麗回答：“好吧，我們不是假裝……。”
喬停止瑪麗：“您不要告訴我，‘因為這都不是真的。’
“你和他一樣，你是偽善的人。”喬深感悲傷。
然後他站起來，對艾琳說：“我們離開這個地方……”，然後在樓上衝向他的房間。 艾琳跟著他。
在瑪麗和兒子之間的整個互動過程中，邁克爾一言不發。
喬上樓後，瑪麗求助於邁克爾：“您必須做點什麽，如果他那樣離開，我們將不會再見到他……”
邁克爾看著瑪麗，慢慢對她說：“但是他是對的。”
在他的房間裏，喬在艾琳的懷裏哭泣。
瑪麗坐在樓梯上，沒有聲音哭泣。
在家庭活動室中，邁克清理了喬造成的混亂狀況，坐在他多年未觸摸的鋼琴前。他開始演奏和唱歌：
我從沒想過我會想你的。
一半都沒有
我從沒想過我會這樣
我對你的感覺
我每天每天晚上醒來
我知道是你，我要把憂鬱症帶走
一定是愛
愛，愛
這一定是愛
愛，愛
不多，不少，愛最好
不需言語，我們仍然話語濤濤
祝福你，
祝福我，寶貝
祝福蜜蜂
和鳥
…..
事情最終解決後，邁克爾搬到了露西的房子，瑪麗搬到了羅伯特的房子，喬和艾琳過著自己的生活。每個人的生活都在繼續……
一天早上，在親吻露西再見之後，邁克爾在開車途中撥打了瑪麗的電話，並留下了短信：
對不起，我忍不住地想你。我們有機會在白天找到一些時間見一麵嗎？
電話的另一頭，瑪麗聽完邁克爾的語音信箱後，高興地放下電話，走向會議室開始新的一天。
在整部電影中，有幾行觸動了我：
喬對邁克爾：你真是個騙人的狗屎！你懂的？
邁克爾：我知道。
喬對瑪麗：你和他一樣，你是偽君子！
邁克爾對瑪麗：他是對的
是的，就道德標準而言，沒有人比其他人優越。你可能沒有做過他們所做的事情，這並不意味著你的道德水平高尚。
“我們搞砸了；我們不是壞人。”
你沒有搞砸，也許那是你的運氣。也許你的婚姻生活並不那麽糟糕，。也許您的婚姻生活並不如意，但是您還沒有遇到另一個讓你開心的人。那可能意味著你還沒有機會搞砸。
“我們搞砸了。”誰不是呢？我想到另一部電影《華爾街：錢永不眠》
在即將來臨的金融風暴中，年輕的市場交易員傑克·摩爾（Jack Moore）問他的導師路易斯·紮貝爾（Louis Zabel）：“我們要失敗了嗎？”
路易斯回答：“這是一個錯誤的問題”
傑克接著問：“正確的問題是什麽？”
路易斯說：“誰不是呢？”
我知道路易斯想說的是：由於投資組合中的杠杆比率，如果暴露出他或她的弱點，每個人都可能陷入困境。
也許你的道德高尚（在別人的眼中），那是因為你的弱點還沒有被暴露出來。
人性是自私的。當邁克爾和瑪麗都從事婚外情時，由於婚姻質量差，他們認為這是合理的。但是當他們發現對方也在外遇時，他們表現出嫉妒和憤怒。
邁克爾與露西約會，他給瑪麗打電話，說他要晚回家。
在另一端，瑪麗和羅伯特在酒吧喝酒。
聽到酒吧裏的音樂，邁克爾問瑪麗在哪兒。瑪麗回答說，她也要晚點回家，正在在一家中餐館吃東西，然後繼續工作。
猜猜在打完電話之後事情怎麽樣了？他們倆都放棄了約會，然後趕回了家，在找對方的行蹤。
他們不想中斷婚姻，因為他們沒有再婚的願望。他們隻是想有某種外遇來補充他們的婚姻生活。
他們中沒有一個人認為“我應該在開始新的戀愛關係之前結束這段婚姻”，但這就是我們經常告訴別人的。 “你應該做這個;你應該那樣做……”道德標準是用來告訴別人的。對自己而言，個人利益至上。
但是，他們所愛的人都是單身。他們的新伴侶強烈要求他們解除婚姻關係，並與他們的新伴侶一起前進。他們竟然在背後揭露自己情人。這再次證明了人性的自私。
電影結束時，邁克爾和瑪麗表現出了重新在一起的願望。
可以嗎？他們會嗎？羅伯特和露西呢？再開始另一段婚外戀？
問題多於答案。
生活是複雜的，愛是“我想要”：我想和你在一起，我想愛你，我想親吻你，我想和你一起睡。
一旦變成“我應該”或“你應該”，這些詞的含義就改變了。 “因為我是她的丈夫，所以我應該這樣做”，“因為她是我的妻子，所以她應該那樣做。”如您所見，“應該”與愛情無關，它與一切無關結婚了
你可以說沒有愛的婚姻是不道德的，沒有婚姻的愛是酷刑。你還可以說：沒有婚姻的愛情（婚外戀）是不道德的，沒有愛情的婚姻是折磨。這完全取決於你如何看待它。正如人們所說：人生是複雜的。
We messed up, but we’re not bad people
Recommended by a friend of mine, I watched a movie titled while finishing my four-mile run on the treadmill at the Lifetime Fitness center near my home last Saturday.
A long-married and completely dispassionate couple Michael and Mary are having long-standing affairs with others. They do their best try to maintain some kind of peaceful family life in anticipating their only son, Joe and his girlfriend Erin’s visit.
Michael’s lover, Lucy, a ballet teacher, is increasingly frustrated at Michael’s inaction and indecisiveness when she pressures Michael to break up with Mary. Michael assures Lucy: “My son and his girlfriend are coming to visit us. This is his first visit in years. Let them have a nice stay. After they leave, I will break with her, and we will be together. you will regret, you will apologize to me then” said Michael to Lucy. Lucy seems not convinced. Those unpleasant discussions negatively impacted their love relationship. so much that at times, Michael avoid taking her calls. When Michael visits Lucy at her house, she acts willfully. I would say she is a bit of hysterical.
Mary’s lover is Robert. Their love affair seems move enjoyable than Michael and Lucy’s. You will see them more attached to each other-- smiling, having drinks together, dancing together-- they are much more passionate towards each other. You can sense the love between them. However, Robert emphatically demands Mary to break up the marriage and move forward with him. Mary promised that she would do so soon, maybe during their son’s visit.
While having extramarital affairs themselves, Michael and Mary are both highly suspicious the other is cheating. To ease their spouse’s suspicion, they engaged in sex activities.
Finally, their son and his girlfriend are about to come, Michael and Marry go to a grocery store to buy groceries for the family dinner. Without Mary’s knowledge, and without her consensus, Robert approaches Michael and tells him: “when your son is here, she will break with you, she will leave you for good.” Before Mary walks back to Michael, Robert disappears.
The family dinner looks good and the couple looks happily living together. Knowing the reality of their marriage condition, Joe cannot believe what he is seeing.
On the following morning, Mary goes to Robert. He issued an ultimatum, so Mary made her final decision. When she is back from “walk”, she and Erin took a ride to a mall for some shopping, while Michael and Joes prepares dinner.
On their way back, Lucy approaches their car and hissed at Mary. Knowing what is going on, Mary dropped Erin at home, and went somewhere to have some quiet time.
When seeing Erin back home alone, Michael asked: “Where is Mary?” Erin only could say “She is out.” Michael repeated: “She is out.”
When Joe found Mary did not return home with Erin, he turns his anger towards his father. “You’re a cheating piece of shit” Joe tells his father.
Sitting in her car while the sun sets, Mary rehearses her line as if she were talking to her son, Joe: “I know you’re mad at him, but I made mistake, too. I am sorry, you’ll never know how sorry I am. We messed up, but we’re not bad people.”
Then, she put herself together and drives home.
In the family room, the final moment came. Joe, once more, turns his anger towards his father. Mary demands Joe to sit down…
Mary starts her line; Michael sadly closed his eyes in silence.
Joe interrupts Mary: “You were planning on telling me this? You were waiting until I got here? So, why all the show? why are you acting like you’re happy together?”
Mary replied: “Okay, we weren’t pretending….”
Joe, stops Mary: “You are not going to tell me this, ‘Cause none of it is true.”
“You are same as him, you’re the same hypocrites.” Joe says with deep sadness.
He then stands up and tells Erin, “We are out of this place…” and charges upstairs towards his room. Erin follows him.
Throughout this interaction between Mary and his son, Michael does not say a word.
After Joe went upstairs, Mary turns to Michael for help: “You got to do something, if he leaves like that, we will not see him again…”
Michael looks at Mary and slowly says to her “But he is right.”
In his room, Joe is crying in Erin’s arm.
Sitting on the staircase, Mary cries without voice.
In the family room, Michael cleans up the mess Joe created, and sitting in front the piano he had not touched for years. he started to play and sing:
I never thought I’d miss you.
Half as much as I do
and I never thought I ‘d feel this way
The way I feel about you
As soon as I wake up every night everyday
I know that it’s you I need to take the blues away
Must be love
Love, Love
It must be love
Love, Love
Nothing more, nothing less?love is the best
How can it be that we can say so much?
without words?
Bless you,
And bless me, baby
Bless the bees
And the birds
…..
When things eventually settle, Michael moved to Lucy’s house, Mary moved to Robert’s house, Joe and Erin are having their own life. Life goes on for everybody…
One morning, after kissing Lucy goodbye, on the way to his car, Michael dialed Mary’s phone and left message:
I am sorry, I can’t stop thinking about you. Any chance we can find some time during the day?
On the other end, after listening to Michael’s voice mail, Mary happily put down the phone and walks towards the conference room to start her day.
Throughout the movie, a few lines touched me:
Joe to Michael: You’re a cheating piece of shit! you know that?
Michael: I know.
Joe to Mary: You are same as him, You’re the same hypocrites!
Michael to Marry: He is right
Yes, nobody is superior than others in term of moral standard. You may not have done what they did, that does not mean your moral standard is higher or better than theirs.
“We messed up; we are not bad people” as Mary said.
You did not mess up, maybe that is your luck. Maybe your married life is not that bad, good for you. Maybe your marriage life is not good, but you just have not met another one who opens your heart. That could mean you have not gotten the opportunity to mess up.
“We are messed up.” Who is not? Another movie line comes to my mind. It is in
With an impending financial storm, the young market trader Jack Moore asked his mentor, Louis Zabel:” are we going under?”
Louis replied: “That was a wrong question”
Jack then asked: “What is the right question?”
Louis said, “Who is not?”
I figure what Louis is trying to say is: Due to the leverage ratio in the investment portfolio, everybody could go under if his or her weakness is exposed.
Maybe your moral standard did not go under (in other’s eyes) , that is because your weakness is not exposed yet.
Human nature is selfish. When both Michael and Mary engaged in extramarital affairs, they thought that is justifiable due to their bad marriage quality. But when they found the other party is also cheating, they demonstrated jealousy and anger.
Michael had a date with Lucy, he called Mary and said he would be working late.
At the other end, Mary is having a drink in the bar with Robert.
Hearing the music in the bar, Michael asked Mary where she was. Mary replied she would be working late too and in a Chinese restaurant having a bite and then go back to work.
Guess what, after that phone call, both of them abandoned their dates and rushed back home to find out where the other party is.
They did not want to break their marriage, because they did not have desire to remarry. They just wanted to have some kind of affair to complement their marriage life.
None of them thought that “I should end this marriage before starting a new relationship”, but that is what we often tell others. “you should do this; you should do that…” Morality is used to tell others; to oneself, self-interest comes first.
But, the ones they are in love with are single. Their new partners forcefully demand them to break up the marriage and move forward with their new partner. So much so, they exposed them behind their back. Once more, it proves the selfishness of human nature.
At the end of the movie, Michael and Mary demonstrate the desire to get together.
Can they? Will they? What about Robert and Lucy? To start another extra marital affair.
There are more questions than answers.
Life is complicated, Love is “I want”: I want to be with you, I want to love you, I want to kiss you, I want to sleep with you.
Once it become “I should” or “you should”, the meaning of the words changed. “Since I am her husband, I should do so and so”, “since she is my wife, she should do so and so.” as you can see, ”should” has nothing to do with love, It has everything to do with marriage.
You could say Marriage without love is immoral, love without marriage is torture. You also could say: Love without marriage (extra marital affair)) is immoral, marriage without love is torture. It all depends on how you see it. As I said, life is complicated.
