Your descriptions on the relation to your capable hu*****and indicate that you still love him, and he is still loving you. My suggestion is that don't go to extreme and do your part at best to keep your 20 years marriage that will benefit your kids, yourself and your hu*****and.
I could not agree the views by some followers that you should divoice your hu*****and because he abuses you orally but stopped vialance two years ago, and he loves your kids so much. Such indicates that he is not a bad man at least.
Take a break, and think it clearly what you hope for the future for your kids, and yourself and of course himself. As I know it is not easy to have a stable and secure job with the government, this suggests that your hu*****and is a bright person overall. Stressful work burden may trigger the explosion of temper at home; at such moment the best stratigy for you is that do'nt confront with him right away and just keep quiet and calm. If he is a kind man, he will realize what he have done harm to you and will fell regret what he has done so. Be patient, and find out what is caurse of his conducts at home.
Wish you and your family go well.
