College Essay係列（三十六）：芝大 小文書 Why Chicago（2）

 

 

 

 

芝大小文書(2)

 

 

在上一篇芝大小文書（Why Chicago）裏，我們講了加州白人女孩India的芝大小文書。朽石君說了，那是一篇OK文，雖然對學校的了解夠量，但流於淺表，也讀得出來Ctrl-C/V的模版感。

接下來這一篇，朽石君以加州白人男孩Ricky的成功文書"Why UChicago"文書為例，給大家講習一下翻盤小文書的質量。Ricky就是憑借這篇文書，把他的芝大申請徹底翻盤的。

來一起看看誰是Ricky吧：

 

Ricky Waite

Class 2026

Major Econ

Santa Rosa CA

RD-A:

UChicago, UMich, UCLA, UC Berkeley

Demo: 

small size Catholic High, 1Gen
Stats: 

GPA3.9/4.34, Test Optional

9AP: 0x5s, 2x4s, 3x3s, 2x2s, 2x1s

ECs: 

Awards school level, 

Slime Business, 

Service Research, 

ASB, 

Soph & Jr Class Council, 

Peer Tutoring, 

HOBY Leadership, 

Harvard Pre-coll, 

Etsy Shop

CA Essay: 

5year Slime  entrepreneurship

At UChicago:

2022 Social Media Ambassador for Amazon

2022 Marketing Ambassador for TikTok

2023 Marketing Intern for Edstrument

 

作者是北加州白人男孩 Ricky。無交標化申請芝大，屬於1GEN。Spike是6年的真實創業經曆，這也是他Common APP文書主題。但這篇不講他的主文書。下麵看看他的Why Chicago

 

 

The University of Chicago. The name alone carries quite a heavy load: a hotspot for innovation, the core of university-led research and a producer of world-changers. You can say this school exceeds my desires for an institution’s undergraduate education. As someone who craves entrepreneurship, the opportunities for growth in this area are evident at UChicago. The Booth School of Business exemplifies one of these opportunities for growth. Having access to Booth in my undergraduate education will not only allow me to expand upon my entrepreneurial desires, but will undoubtedly prepare me for my track toward becoming a Boothie following undergrad.

The countless opportunities for intellectual growth for UChicago students are evident through resources such as the Office of Career Advancement, access to Wisr, and the over 160 research centers, among many others. Career advancement holds several professions for UChicago students to immerse themselves into. Among the many pre-professional focuses within the program, I will choose entrepreneurship. This program makes accessibility to well-developed corporations and successful entrepreneurs much easier, offering access to companies such as Grubhub and Venmo. I will have access to Wisr through the Office of Career Advancement. A standout attribute of UChicago is its community of alumni; using Wisr will help me to collaborate with an alumni mentor wo works in my area of interest, furthermore connecting me with the community. Also offered through Career Advancement is the ability to work with startup companies during the academic year. These startups will provide the opportunity to intern within an environment enthralled by entrepreneurship, and build relationships with new up-and-coming companies. My career plan is college has always been to form a startup with other students that share similar interests as me, so having access to a resource like this will help me fulfill that plan.

Continued research I have started in high school will be possible due to UChicago’s abundance of research opportunities. The research I have begun entails analyzing the sensory benefits slime brings to elementary students with autism. UChicago will allow me to amplify this research, delivering my slime into the hands of more students across the nation. The human Performance Lab within the Center for Early Childhood Research is where I believe my findings can be applied, specifically, working with Ms. Sian Beilock would be sublime. Ms. Beilock’s research of stress’ relevance in regards to performance in a classroom setting presents itself as a great opportunity for me to implement slime. Playing with slime releases endorphins, which in turn, makes for great anxiety and stress relief. By introducing smile into the classrooms that she studies, I can potentially offer another variable for stress relief in younger students.

The student I long to become at my college graduation is a student who took the time to challenge himself with the curriculum offered at his institution, was proactive in establishing connections among people in his career interest, and filled the gaps of his curiosities. By attending the University of Chicago, I know I will exemplify that student come 2026.

技術指標：

Structure：Trio

1) Booth/課業

2) Wisr/職業

3) ChildEd/研究

WordCount=501

Density=0.27

 

這篇501字的Why Chicago，從字數上看，超出一般Why School文書的限度（200-400）。對無事不Quant的芝大來說，字數也是一種熱情。而這501字，有恰到好處地把Ricky的創業Spike和芝大的Entrepreneurship資源的結合在一塊，讓一個本來不具硬實力的申請徹底翻盤了。

來自non-feeder、無標化、無大獎、低AP分，Stats裏隻有GPA的Ricky，隻有一個突出之處，就是五年的Slime創業經曆。這個經曆，已經被Ricky作為主題，寫成了Common App Essay。那就不妨在小文書裏，也充分的體現一下，讓AO的感覺就更真實了。

他是怎麽在這篇小文書裏突出自己的創業Spike的呢？

結構上，開篇點題創業，再分三個部分闡述自己對芝大的喜愛。

第一個Booth商學院，這裏與創業相關聯的是它的商業管理內容，也提到Booth學生的nickname。但作者沒有提到Booth的創業項目，說明對Booth的了解還有欠缺。

第二個Career指導中心，提到這裏的entrepreneurship指導方向，還有Wisr，Grubhub，Venmo，以及Startup等大量細節，說明作者已經對Career Center有非常好的了解。

第三個兒研中心，這裏談到Beilock教授和她的兒教研究，並跟Slime的腦神經學作用結合起來，雖然不夠順滑，但卻不失真實。

全篇用到7處芝大的具體信息，顯示出作者的功課做足了。盡管他在Density上的比較優勢較低，但他使用了一些更加細致入微的細節，屬於Admission Information Session裏沒有的內容。深入了解芝大這項軟指標，再加上突出的創業Spike，就能讓他在申請中成功翻盤。你學會了嗎？

比較了兩篇Why Chicago，對於什麽是真熱情，你可能覺得懂了。但下一篇，來自伊州的女孩Emily，會讓你更更更懂的。

拭目以待吧