College Essay 係列 (二十九)：Hardly Essay (5) 賓大WL文書

白人女生的賓大WL文書

《Teaching in individuality》

Clara stares at the sheet music. Her brow furrows in acute concentration. I nudge her gently, "Let's try it again." She's perched on the piano bench, eyes fixed on the song "Petite Minuet" from Faber & Faber Primer Level Piano Lesson Book. She takes a deep breath and reattempts the measure-wrong again. While I smile reassuringly, my mind races, devising new methods of translating the dots, squiggles, and lines that cover the page into meaning for a seven-year-old's brain.

For a moment, I reminisce on when I was a young girl in the initial phase of my eleven piano-playing years, and shift my perspective to Clara's. Remembering the effectiveness of mnemonic devices in helping me absorb new concepts, I decide to reiterate the acronyms I taught her for the notes on the staff.

"Think FACE. In the treble clef, the space notes go F-A-C-E from the bottom up, remember? And line notes go 'Every Good Bird Does Fly.' E-G-B-D-F, right?" Slowly, her brow unfurrows, and I see the confusion fade from her eyes. "So, what note would that be?" I prompt.

"Urn ... G!" She exclaims, beaming with immense pride.

"Great!" I cry out, making sure to emphasize the excitement in my voice. I repeat, "Let's try it again."

What started out as a short-term gig — away to save up money during my freshman year — has evolved into so much more. When I teach piano, I'm a multitasker: I studiously observe my four students, absorbing every detail of their behavior and musical improvement. I pinpoint the areas in which they have difficulty and where they shine, learn the nuances of their idiosyncrasies, and adapt my own teaching to their individual learning styles.

Take, for instance, Alma. She struggles to maintain her focus. As she goes off on tangents about studio Ghibli and complains about learning new songs, I calmly concoct strategies for making piano engaging. Over time, I've learned that in order to keep a grasp on her attention span, I must strike a balance between encouraging her own creativity and reeling her back into the heavy work of learning music. Thus, I alternate between having her write her own songs- to mesh her love for composition and improvisation with reading musical notes and symbols- and pushing her to learn new pieces.

For Kailie, the challenge is conveying rhythm. Despite her remarkable ability to learn music by heart, she struggles to perceive the differences between patterns of sound. After discovering her knack for numbers, I decided to approach music through a mathematical lens, explaining note lengths in terms of fractions and drawing diagrams to elucidate the concept of a musical measure. Gradually, I've helped her incorporate these concepts into her playing, synthesizing the numerical elements with melodic ones to form songs.

 

And with Emi, the difficulty comes in forging a trusting relationship in which she can communicate her needs. Although she's amazing at sight-reading and immensely dedicated to practicing, she often has trouble expressing when she doesn't understand something. After realizing this, I began taking note of her various facial cues and eventually started recognizing which ones indicate confusion. Furthermore, I've drifted our conversations towards topics beyond piano-from recounting a joke about pasta to sharing about my social insecurities that have arisen after I experienced a falling out with my best friend--connecting with her on a deeper level. As she's grown more comfortable with communication, my capacity to help her- through clapping rhythms or repeating measures of a song in circuit- has greatly expanded.

As I teach, exploring how music interacts with each student’s distinct mind, I deepen my own musical awareness, fuel my curiosity. In creating new avenues to reach understanding, I develop my ability to identify someone's needs and modify my actions to accommodate them. Every one of my students is fascinatingly unique. Yet, that's the beauty of teaching music: seeing each difference not as a barrier, but as an opportunity for me to learn.

先說好話。這是一篇文字流暢的文書，主題是a talent or interest of teaching in individual differences。但好話就這麽多了。

下麵說說壞話。

作者申請的S、H、Y都拒絕，UPenn被WL的原因很簡單。好的文書，不是簡單的文字流暢。還要有恰當結構的故事走線。這篇從Clara開始，到Alma、Kailie、Emi發展，最後的結束“seeing each difference as opportunity to learn,” 這是一篇簡單的總分總結構的說明文。這就不是在講故事了，而是一篇說明文。即使，她的語言流暢。

不具講述性的文書，就缺乏感染力。這對於RD階段的頂尖校AO來說，就是最忌諱的狀況。那個時光，哎，AO們也真挺不容易的了。

你們知道怎麽才叫 narrative essay吧？作者大概是把自己narrative的功力，都用在了語句上了。真正的narrative essay，要有篇章、語句、詞匯三個層次的narrative展現。這篇是寫給中文讀者看的。我們就用具有這個屬性的、最簡單的例子來說什麽是narrative essay。

 

關關雎鳩，在河之洲。窈窕淑女，君子好逑。

參差荇菜，左右流之。窈窕淑女，寤寐求之。

求之不得，寤寐思服。悠哉悠哉，輾轉反側。

參差荇菜，左右采之。窈窕淑女，琴瑟友之。

參差荇菜，左右芼之。窈窕淑女，鍾鼓樂之。

 

這雖古詩經，但是他的文字例證Narrative Essay的全部重要元素。

1）主題寫人，但文字起於物（雎鳩），這是興（興起）。

2）雎鳩和淑女，荇菜參差和我的寤寐，以物喻人，這是賦（賦予）。

3）寤寐求之、琴瑟友之、鍾鼓樂之的三段並列，這是比（排比）。

 

這三種基本的文字手法，就是用於駕馭讀者情緒的。任何文字都是通的，具體形式不同而已。College App Essay，有它所適合的興、賦和比。興是文書故事intro的選擇，賦是以喻為主體的形象化文字，比是故事的主線結構而不是排比。

拿這篇來說，做興的Clara和後麵三個例子的Alma Kailie Emi屬於同一邏輯分類，沒本質差異，這第一個錯誤。這三個例子是明顯的平行排比結構，在一個地方過分闡述，這是囉嗦。賦的成分也不多，僅僅是文字的流暢而已。