【尼日利亞】加布裏埃爾·奧卡拉
2022年3月2日星期三
曾經，兒子
他們常常由衷發笑
眼睛也透出率真
而現在他們僅是露齒發笑
冷冰冰的眼神卻在我的四周搜尋
曾經
他們的確握手真誠
但那已成為過去，兒子
現在他們握手，心不在焉
右手握著
左手卻企圖在我的空袋裏翻尋
“就像自己家一樣！”“再來啊！”
他們說。當我再來時
一次，兩次，感覺像自己家一樣
但再也沒有第三次---
因我發現他們已經關上大門
所以我學會了許多，兒子
我學會了裝扮各種各樣的臉
就像適時更換自己的著裝---
家裏的臉，辦公室的臉，逛街的臉，主人的臉
以及雞尾酒臉，帶著所有適宜的微笑
如同一張帶著永恒微笑的照片
我也學會了僅露齒發笑
也學會了敷衍式的握手
還學會了說“再見”
而實際上是慶幸將對方擺脫
學會了說“很高興見到你”
而實際上是滿心不願
學會了說“很樂意與你交談”
而實際上是倍感心煩
但相信我，兒子
我想做回曾經的自己，就像現在的你
我想丟棄所有這些虛偽，待人誠懇
尤其是想重新學會怎樣發笑
因我在鏡中露齒的笑容
就如蛇露出獠牙般的可怖猙獰
所以告訴我，兒子
怎樣發笑，怎樣顯露自己真實的笑容
就如現在的你，我的曾經
後記：此詩語言樸素，風格獨特，如父子在壁爐前對話。一個人從童年到成年，學會了圓滑，卻丟棄了童真。
原文
Once Upon a Time
by Gabriel Okara
Once upon a time, son,
they used to laugh with their hearts
and laugh with their eyes:
but now they only laugh with their teeth,
while their ice-block-cold eyes
search behind my shadow.
There was a time indeed
they used to shake hands with their hearts:
but that’s gone, son.
Now they shake hands without hearts
while their left hands search
my empty pockets.
‘Feel at home!’ ‘Come again’:
they say, and when I come
again and feel
at home, once, twice,
there will be no thrice-
for then I find doors shut on me.
So I have learned many things, son.
I have learned to wear many faces
like dresses – homeface,
officeface, streetface, hostface,
cocktailface, with all their conforming smiles
like a fixed portrait smile.
And I have learned too
to laugh with only my teeth
and shake hands without my heart.
I have also learned to say,’Goodbye’,
when I mean ‘Good-riddance’:
to say ‘Glad to meet you’,
without being glad; and to say ‘It’s been
nice talking to you’, after being bored.
But believe me, son.
I want to be what I used to be
when I was like you. I want
to unlearn all these muting things.
Most of all, I want to relearn
how to laugh, for my laugh in the mirror
shows only my teeth like a snake’s bare fangs!
So show me, son,
how to laugh; show me how
I used to laugh and smile
once upon a time when I was like you.
