再來比較立和ai評我的塗鴉
視野
門的誘惑
讀顫音的視野,感覺好困惑呀。於是我把詩打印了出來琢磨。
“一個綠色的拱門/是樹伸展的臂膀”,這一句似乎既可以是以門喻樹,也可以是以樹喻門。這是一個比較新穎的比喻,但是我們現在還搞不清他到底是指的是什麽。
“左邊的半個彎/錯過了右邊的半個彎”,這是一個非常有趣的描寫,而且有著一種發散的動態感。可隔著幾十米,無論對門還是樹冠都太大了。我們不知顫音是去哪了。
但最令人費解的是最後三句:那個期盼的拱門/不過是視野裏/被擠壓了的時間和空間。
期盼的門,那麽顫音在期盼什麽呢?似乎這裏應該是門而不是樹,他在期盼著一扇門。找到一扇門,意味什麽呢?於是,這裏有了豐富的蘊意。可接下來又說,這門其實是不真實的,甚至可能是不存在的。它可能隻是一段記憶。
這樣似乎我們就明白了。是顫音有什麽事兒忘了,想但想不起來。“直到拱門就在眼前”是啊,就在我的嘴邊,可怎麽就是想不起來了尼?想呀想呀後來幹脆就寫首詩算了。也許是挨了老婆的罵。老婆指著他的鼻子說:你自己做的那些好事你都忘了嗎?!!!於是顫音就開始顫抖,他想呀想呀想呀,可是真的怎麽也想不起來了。自己都做了些什麽了?於是,幹脆寫首詩算了。可這首詩的名字又叫視野?他的視野裏看到了什麽呢?可能先是他的老婆,然後越來越遠,然後變成了遠方的一個綠色的拱門,老婆的綠色的頭發像是一棵樹。
詩是苦難的結晶。門又是什麽呢?還有那錯過的弧?這真是一是費解的詩啊!
錯位
我的左胳膊長在了右邊;
我的上排的牙長在了下邊;
我的腳長在了我的腳上
我的舌頭長在了別人的嘴裏,顫音的嘴裏;
我的心沒有啦!
它被狗吃了;
我的腦子,不夠用,
它有時太大
有時太小;
我長發飄飄
我載歌載舞。
視野
——顫音
視野裏的遠方
一個綠色的拱門
是樹伸展的臂膀
為旅途上的人拂去灰塵
沿著路標的方向
順著時間的指針
直到拱門就在眼前
才發現
左邊的半個彎
錯過了右邊的半個彎
隔著幾十米的距離
和幾十秒的時間
那個期盼的拱門
不過是視野裏
被擠壓了的時間和空間
立
2019
The poem "Distant in the field of vision" by an unknown author invites the reader to explore the theme of perception and the limitations of our senses.
The poem begins with the speaker describing a green arched door they see in the distance, which is formed by the extended arms of two trees. The branches of the trees "dust for hikers on the trail," suggesting that the path is well-trodden and that many have passed through the area before.
The speaker then shifts to describing their journey to reach the arched door, hiking and following the signs of space and time. The use of the phrase "signs of space and time" implies that the speaker is navigating not just physical space but also the passage of time.
Upon reaching the arched door, the speaker discovers that the half arch on the left is missing the other half on the right, which are a few yards apart in space and a few seconds apart in time. This revelation disrupts the speaker's fantasy, and they realize that the arched door they imagined was merely the product of the squeezed space and time in their field of vision.
The poem's central theme seems to be the limitations of perception and the role that space and time play in shaping our understanding of the world. The image of the arched door serves as a metaphor for how our senses and imagination can create a false sense of completeness or wholeness, obscuring the gaps and absences that exist in reality.
The poem's language is simple and accessible, with a clear narrative structure that guides the reader through the speaker's experience. The use of enjambment and line breaks helps to create a sense of movement and flow, mirroring the speaker's journey through the landscape. Overall, the poem encourages readers to reflect on how their perceptions shape their understanding of the world and to be mindful of the gaps and absences that exist in their field of vision.