Sorry and excuse me, insincerity and rudeness

The main function of language is conveying messages. For human being to exchange information, various messages are to be delivered and received on a continuous basis, but it is a more difficult task to express the messages in precise language and also to interpret the language the way it was intended.

Misunderstanding becomes a regular occurrence, no matter what language is used as the media for information exchange. And it is even more so when a foreign language is employed. A specific term has its rich connotations way beyond the literal form suggests and cannot be understood precisely without extensive immersion in the environment the language is used.

Besides making your point across, you want to transmit your idea in a polite way. “Sorry” and “excuse me” are two commonly used phrases that sound polite, but not are not necessarily so, as I will expound below.  

Chinese do not say “Dui Bu Qi” as often as Westerners say “sorry”, although “Dui Bu Qi” is getting more and more frequent use, thanks to the increasing influence of Western world on China.  All the English textbooks in China translate “sorry” into “dui bu qi” when there is a big different between them.

In Chinese, “dui bu qi” means an apology, although less formal. I say “dui bu qi” when I have done something unintentionally but my action has caused inconvenience to you.  In English, “sorry” means that I sympathize with your inconvenience but I have no part in it.  It is not an apology.

After Chinese Embassy was attacked by American missile, the US president said he was sorry. He did not apologize. But it might have been interpreted as such.

It can often be seen that public figures apologize after saying something politically incorrect. The exact wording of the speech is invariably “I apologize for …”. It has never been “I am sorry for …”. Saying merely “sorry” is not an apology.

After an aboriginal chief in Manitoba said something to the effect that the treatment of Jews in World War II was justifiable, he was demanded to apologize. But he did not. The wording he used was again, “I do not apologize …”. He did not say “I am not sorry for …”

A worse example is “excuse me”. In English textbooks used in Chinese schools, “excuse me” is translated into “lao jia”, “dui bu qi”, etc. It means that I am asking for a favor when my action will cause inconvenience to you. The receiver of this expression has the choice of accommodating the request or not. for example, “dui bu qi, may I use your pen?” The answer can be either “Sure. No problem”, or “Sorry, you cannot.”

But in English, “excuse me” is more like a command that the receiver has to follow. When someone says to you “excuse me” in the subway car or on the buses, you have to move your body to allow him or her pass. Even if the subway car or bus is fully packed and you cannot possibly make a significant movement, you are still required to do so. It is no wonder that more often than not “excuse me” is said in the tone of more a command than an entreaty. I observed this on various occasions and my conclusion is just the same.

“Excuse me” is indeed the rudest work in English.

When driving, signaling lane change should be interpreted the same message, although not a spoken one. My understanding of a lane change signal is “please let me cut it if you agree”. But the real message is “I will cut in, and you must slow down, stupid!”. My understanding is based on the teaching in drivers’ training classes: make the lane change only when it is safe to do so. The Canadian drivers interpret it as “make the lane change, the guy will have to yield to you.”

I am in no way trying to say Westerners are less civilized than Chinese. My intention is as simple as to illustrate the real meanings of these two terms, “sorry” and “excuse me”.