Maybe you should talk to somebody

How to deal with life?

              Everyone has four ultimate concerns inside: death, isolation, imprisoned and meaninglessness.

              Julie faced fear of death, and she felt anxiety and jealousy. When she realized her husband was under the same procedure with her, she felt sympathy for him. She began to do everything she wanted such as being a singer in a club, working as a cashier on weekend, finding a new love for her husband after her death.

               Existential psychotherapy helped her live more fully. She lived in every moment and her love became altruism and pure. At last, Julie held a funeral party to say goodbye to all relatives and friends. The attended showed their love to her and her husband even gave her a journal to wish she found a new lover in heaven.

            In front of death, everything seems so little. Why bothering quarreling with beloved one? Why wasting time to do something meaningless? why jealous others’ healthy body instead of taking care of ourselves?

             Loving life therefore we live.

             Lori had unexpected broken-up because she had a teenager. Her feeling was imprisoned by engagement and coming marriage. She wondered what the ex-boyfriend would do next after his disappeared. She sought a psychologist Wendell to solve her problems. Wendell just guide her through her life as it is so that she can manage the certainty of uncertainty without sabotaging (deliberately destroyed) herself along the way.

              She discovered ex-boyfriend didn’t want to take any responsibility even a woman he loved so much had arthritis, he chose to leave her.  He didn’t want to take any obligations to others. She found his character and decided not to go back to him. She broken the bar made by herself as an abandoned woman by writing a book and find new lover, and love her son more.

             Isolation happened to a seventy year old woman. She got married without a college degree. She had four children and her husband drunk and abused the children. She felt terrible and afraid domestic violence in front of her children. She thought a depressed mother was better than a dead mother. She thought she couldn’t find a decent paid job so that she just let it be.

             When her children became teenagers who addicted to drugs or had troubled relationship, she decided to divorce. She went to a college then worked with a degree. She had a bad relationship with her children because they used to look down on her and only asked for money. She wanted to suicide until she found the therapist and discovered something else in her life.       She went to college to study something she interested and opened her business and had a boy friend.

             She wrote a letter to her boyfriend and her children by telling them her life sufferings. She got forgiveness at last and her new life just began.

              Tolerating a bad relationship in marriage is not rational. To be best yourself is the best gift for children. After divorce, the abused husband began to love children and the wife found her independence. The life she pursued didn’t be accepted by her children because her husband had money and left heritage to others. The children thought if she didn’t divorce, they would get the money. They treated her coldly, until she wrote to them about her life story. They forgave her and build a new relationship after her first husband’s death.

                Do things toward your goal even it is far away to achieve, just striving toward that direction.

                 Life is changing and developing, we all have to learn to cope with it.

                  Marriage is cooperation instead of putting all pressure on a wife. She didn’t know everything when she became a mother, and she did that because she tried her best to handle children and her own life. Her husband was more like a boss instead of a coworker.

                   In a good relationship, parents and children understand one another, helping and encouraging each other day by day.

                   How to choose the best way for our own life is our own topic and shouldn’t be judged by other people. “go your own way, let others say it.”

                    Being a mother is a tough job, it requires a huge sacrifice. in <learned optimism> a search found  if the mother has a job outside home, or has a good relationship with her husband or has three children at home above fourteen, and then she had no risk of depression. Unfortunately, the mother had three bad factors and she suffered a lot for the children. Fortunately, she saved herself at last by loving them instead of afraid them to become bad. At home, she used to live as a sand bag for her husband to release the pressure at work. Now, she lived by herself, and asked help from physiologist when she felt pressure.

                  Meaninglessness came from a girl who was trapped in a relationship of abandoning. She always gave up herself to the man; therefore they took advantage of her. She changed her step by building a healthy relationship. She didn’t take position of moon following the earth; instead she took position of star to star. She has her own travel position.

                  I think “talent” is vastly overrated, not only is talent imperfectly measured, not only is it an imperfect predictor of success, but also the rational wisdom is wrong. It leaves out a factor than can compensate for low scores or greatly diminish the accomplishment of highly talented people: explanatory style.

                 Emotion comes directly from what we think. If a wife thinks her husband love them when he didn’t drink, she will stay in marriage. If she thought it actually harmed her children, she would talk to her husband and find a way to solve the problem. In <LEARNED OPTIMISM> ILLIS WILL push his client to give up their irrational beliefs hat sustained heir depression” what do you mean you can’t live without love? You are living under a tyranny of shouldn’t.” They demand his patients stop thinking wrong and start thinking right.

             “When one expected to fail, failure becomes more likely.” The clients of psychologist all felt they are helpless. How to talk to her when she failed and how not to talk to her when things went well, psychologist use a reasonable way to teach her clients to see the things in light.

                 People seek help from therapist because they thought expertise has more wisdom in their problem. But in fact, the clients can save themselves. The truth is nice things would last longer and negative events were more curtailed.

               The therapist has three ability (1) don’t anger when client anger (2) don’t be sad when client sad (3) don’t be worry when client worry. The suggestion she gave to his clients are”Don’t live on others’ expectation and don’t judge themselves on social norms.”

                Accept oneself happily is the premise of changing and fundamental of happiness. The most important thing is not what fate gives us but what we do with them. Inferior is because people make a decision they will not love themselves anymore. Studying hard and surpass oneself is to be the best instead of being loved by others.

                There are many topic in our life such as how to balance yourself in marriage, how to going out of shadows when losing a lover, how to deal with illness, how to find oneself.

 

                A psychology therapist shows clients the whole picture of their life, so the clients don’t feel guilty or over critics of themselves. When they see their goodwill to do things, they will have courage to continue to live a better life.

               Therapists don’t get bad influence from their customers instead they understand them and give them unconditional love just like parents treat teenagers. Guidance offered them but not instructing them. From the clients, the therapist learned to cherish their lives, their suffering mother and their love.

                 Everyone is like a mirror, and from which we can find the shortage of our own life by reflecting their mistakes, then we build a better life.  Turning sufferings into achievements and accomplishment, turning controversy into a chance to become better and turning meaninglessness to meaningfulness, we have the ability to build our life.