混在美國名校
海攀
第二十章 不眠之夜
楊小靜靜悄悄地回到實驗室上班了，仍然跟以前一樣，拚命幹，拚命學，非常努力。除了複雜的眼神和隱約的流言外，同事們沒有其它異常表現，好象一切正常，什麽都沒有發生。畢竟，木已成舟，多說無用，況且那是人家的私事，又不違法，誰也管不著。更重要的是，大家都端著老板的飯碗吃飯，誰也不敢跟老板過不去。在美國，第一惹不起的是老板，第二惹不起的是警察，所以甭管這事道德不道德，沒有誰敢跳進來趟這個渾水。至於倒黴蛋鄭衛，好心人也隻能勸他節哀順便，胳膊擰不過大腿，人在屋簷下，不得不低頭嘛。還有幾個中國人給他大講同胞的老婆被洋人拐跑的各種慘事，仿佛別人的不幸，能夠減少鄭衛的痛苦似的。
楊小靜不但沒有因為新的特殊身份而趾高氣昂，反而變得比以前更低調、更謙恭，見到實驗室的人甚至一副怯生生的模樣。一則她很清楚別人會怎麽看她跟吉姆的這件事，她沒有淺薄到要拿這事去炫耀，去惹來更大的反感；再則她更明白，威望和信任，都是自己幹出來的，不是別人可以賜予的。吉姆是吉姆，她是她，她要靠自己的努力去變成強者，去贏得別人的尊重。
當然，她盡可能地躲著鄭衛，很害怕他會來找自己的麻煩，比如跑到她的實驗室裏大吵大鬧甚至打她。如果他罵出什麽難聽的髒話來，會使她名譽掃地。如果他打人被警察抓起來，不僅對他不好，她自己也會又成為校園的新聞中心，以後更沒有辦法見人。不過，這些可怕的情況，一直沒有出現。她稍稍鬆了口氣，又一次對鄭衛心懷感激。她覺得這是她所能想象到的最好的情況了，她和鄭衛可以算是好合好散。
其實二三個月過去，老婆變成老板娘有好一陣了，鄭衛的衝天怒火，也變得暗淡下來。時間是最好的療傷藥，無論當初傷得多重，隻要有足夠的時間，一切都會過去。況且鄭衛再不理智，也很清楚，這就是“愛到盡頭，覆水難收”，怎麽都不可能挽回。這賤人已經變成老板夫人了，他寄人籬下，不可能不投鼠忌器。他本來的退路諸如轉碩甚至退學，都是以太太有工作收入且能辦綠卡為前提的。楊小靜這一跑，他什麽依靠都沒有了，除了自己繼續奮鬥，也真是別無它途。
當然，仇恨入心，也不是那麽容易抹去的。有一次楊小靜從廁所出來，正好迎麵碰到鄭衛。她嚇壞了，低著頭貼著牆根想從他身邊溜過去。鄭衛看到了她，故意昂起頭來，做出一副極度不屑的樣子。在他們交錯的那一瞬間，她清楚地聽到鄭衛低聲罵道：“賤人！臭婊子！呸！”她的淚水一下子衝了出來，捂著臉哭著跑回了實驗室。
楊小靜幹活更拚命了，她一定要幹出一番事業來，證明給鄭衛、“當牛做馬的”、還有那些看不起她的人看一看，她找吉姆根本不是為了錢，她自己能養活自己，她幹得絕不比任何人差。吉姆現在晚上時不時又要去泡咖啡館，不是為了跟誰聊天，而是要等楊小靜。每每看到楊小靜累的話都不想說，有時候躺在車後座上就睡著了，他都是既心疼又無奈。無論他怎麽勸，他的寶貝總是說：“親愛的，別耽心，我很好，我很快樂。我喜歡我的工作，喜歡這樣的生活。你不懂得，有工作做是多麽幸福！”
這天楊小靜又是幹到深夜才一搖三晃地走出實驗室。吉姆陪著她一起走向室內趴車場，就是鄭衛當年經常跑來參觀靚車的那一個。楊小靜挽著吉姆的手臂，拖著疲憊的步伐走著，突然看到最明亮的那盞路燈的正下方，停著一輛嶄新的紅色敞棚小寶馬，真是帥呆了、酷斃了、漂亮死了，她不由地瞪大眼睛叫道：“哇，好可愛！”吉姆問她：“你想不想要一輛這樣的車？”要是以前對鄭衛，楊小靜早就喊著想要了，可是對吉姆，她並不想顯得太貪婪。她搖搖頭說：“不想。你說過這種車是富家子弟開的，我以後買一輛職業人士開的車就行了。”吉姆歎了口氣說：“我很遺憾。這麽說我隻好把它退回去了。本來我是想把它做為禮物送給你的。”楊小靜大吃一驚，難以置信地看著吉姆：“你開玩笑吧？我的上帝呀！這是真的？”吉姆微笑著按了一下手中的搖控器，那輛小寶馬立即叫了一聲，前後的燈都放射出歡快的光芒。楊小靜“啊”地叫了一聲，衝到小寶馬車前，左摸右看，喜歡的都快瘋了。突然，她不動了，眼淚慢慢地流下來。她慢慢地走到吉姆身旁，慢慢地撲進他的懷裏，抽泣著說：“親愛的，你對真是太好了！謝謝你，太謝謝你了！”吉姆看到她激動地直哭，擁著她笑著說：“其實我是自私，想讓你以後自己開車上下班，我就不用等你了。你為什麽快樂成這樣？好象咱們結婚時你都沒有這麽快樂呀。”楊小靜抹抹淚說：“因為我們已經結了婚了呀！現在你不送給我汽車，我也不會跑呀。這證明了你對我的愛！”吉姆深情地抱緊她說：“靜，我愛你，非常愛你！愛，就要表現出來！”
我說的玩的，你還真當真啦，嘿嘿～～
That's ok - I just want to exchange thoughts with people who are interested in what I wrote, not the language itself.
盡量寫得真實吧。我要是把她寫成道德楷模，你信嗎？大概除了那個奇跡男信，全國人民都不信：）
寫給我沒問題，咱都是chinglish嘛：）不過其他網友有可能懶得看了。
美國人對什麽都分得很清的，那些都是一點虧不會吃的主。
你去實驗室做幾天就知道了，要想找活，多的很。名校更是一個人幾個projects，基本等於靠時間硬拚。
好吧，咱馬上就去：）
該怎麽寫怎麽寫呀，你不會真要把她寫成烈女+處女吧，哈哈～～～
剛剛是個+號～～
該怎麽寫怎麽寫呀，你不會真要把她寫成烈女-處女吧，哈哈～～～
hehe I hope you don't that. As far as I know, lots of folks who got dumped by their wives for better lives in the end live quite happily.
One wife who eloped with her lover and took all her hubby's hard savings through the restaurant work in early 1990s in Chicago, only came back to confess to her ex-hubby and asked for his forgiveness 10 yrs later. His ex-hubby finally finished his PhD and became a community college professor with a younger wife and beautiful kids.
In life, there is no road you can't cross. I assume you are still in your 20s, am I right?
sorry I didn't mean to show off English - as you can see my English is also so so. Too slow for me to type Chinese since my mandarin pronounciation is quite bad, only slightly better than my cantonese classmates'/
Totally agree - it might be the rear end :-) Butt is going to explore everywhere including the butt
海攀 的評論 回到頂部
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xiaoc288 評論於：2011-08-04 16:03:29 [回複評論]
回複海攀的評論:
就知道你會這麽說，你就會替她辯護。就算你把她吹成個為國“捐軀”的烈女，俺們也不覺得奇怪。
忘了說，靜嫁給BUTTMAN的時候還是處女，哈哈
怎麽也買把槍，把奸夫淫婦打成篩子。
不用打成篩子，太浪費子彈了，不環保，弄幾個小洞就行了
不管你信不信，反正我不信。
但有一點，鄭太窩囊了，換我，怎麽也買把槍，把奸夫淫婦打成篩子。外F女永遠也不會得到中國人的認可的，不管現實中的，網絡上的。
如果是給作者提建議，我好歹還算懂一點英語。如果希望大夥一起討論，最好寫中文，英文其他網友可能一煩就不看了。
兄弟你有點天真。國內網友喜歡重口味，你要想掙錢，就必須往那方麵寫。
他們都很忙，不知道有沒有時間看這些。
馬上就要演別的了：）
寫得不錯。也許鄭衛會聽你的。
牛和馬已經罵過她了，別的中國人也鄙視她。如果你寫小說，你打算怎麽寫呢？
是鄭衛罵了她。
謝謝認真。生活中的影響因素很多，很難根據一件事判斷很多。
就想說你們這些敲英文的，裝你丫的什麽裝。別跟我說在班上計算機不能輸入中文啥的。在先輸入中文的網站一搜一堆。
是海攀故意把小靜寫得低俗膚淺？一輛車就是真愛的表現？這和北大校園裏的浪漫可比嗎？她真吃這套？
是海攀故意讓政委變的如此窩囊，還在雞母這兒？大不了和他吵翻回國蟲頭開始。找老七一起奮發創業。回頭寫小說新浪網也能連載，叫‘別了，美國名校’。中國的讀者多，靠稿費就發了。
再補充一下，如果鄭衛真的那麽花那麽多時間玩的話，他的效率其實是非常高的。讓人欽佩。“鄭衛混得太厲害了”，我無話可說。
可以理解xiaoc的感受，海攀的回複從來就是為jing和jim掩飾，把一切責任都推在wei的身上。“小靜有小靜的問題，鄭衛有鄭衛的錯誤。”笑話，婚外情是問題，“混”是錯誤。鄭衛的錯誤就是滿足不了小靜的虛榮。三年時間，通過所有的課程，博士資格，兩篇論文，盡心盡力教會自己妻子實驗技術，“鄭衛混得太厲害了”，我無話可說。
怎麽還在演“美女與野獸”？
“美女”已不再是美女了
“野獸”是早已認定的野獸
沒啥意思了嘛。
come on xiaoc. As the author, HaiPan can't let his/her emotions get in the way of the writing. I believe she/he is a great person with a high moral standard himself/herself, but it does not mean he/she should judge the characters. Every reader can then use the common sense to judge them.
Do folks remember Dr. Lu Gang of U Iowa? He was a PKU Physics class 80 and was outplayed by a USTC fellow student under the same boss and got seriously abused by his boss - his boss said bad things about him that he couldn't even get any postdoc positions (please note that at that time, post-doc positions were not so notoriously as it is today). In the end he killed several people and himself (it happened around 1990). When I visited UI in mid-1990s, friend even brought our visit to his tomb.
It is a sad story - there were jokes that had Lu managed to survive, he would have been a highly successful hedge fund manager in Wall Street, or at worst, a high-end IT farmer. I do hope Dave can manage to survive and believe he would get the lessons and become a mature man in the end.
我又看到了一個人格的扭曲，
這仿佛就是一個杯具，
反正我還沒有受到激勵。
老婆已飛，麵子已沒，
鄭衛啊，鄭衛，
什麽是你讀博的目的。
俯首貼耳，低三下四，
就這樣麵對
你曾經懷抱的前妻
和正懷抱著她的仇敵？
什麽才是你的陽剛之氣！
鄭衛啊，鄭衛，
誰都知道你有生存的權利，
可是，可是，
能不能多想想尊嚴的意義？
苟全如此，
還不如手起刀落,
剁了鬼子，痛快淋漓！
就知道你會這麽說，你就會替她辯護。就算你把她吹成個為國“捐軀”的烈女，俺們也不覺得奇怪。
"Mr. Wolf definitely a person with strong feelings - I seriously believe Mr. Wolf had been hurt in the past (if it is not himself, it must be his close friend) :-)"
You are partially right, because it is 10000000% that Mr wolf himself went through the same situation. Or maybe even worst, he has been getting dumped non-stop. 階級仇民族恨 ar!!!
Cases of Having affairs with the boss are much higher - and the marriage is one of the better outcomes
Alladin, are you a trained psychologist? You can really interpret things in professional language :-)
Not only her soul, but also her body.
Unless she can pay back to Dave in the future somewhat, she would be tormented by her own consciousness and laughed by the chinese community.
From Haipan's writing, I think the school is yale, not harvard (boston has enough good chinese restaurants there is no need for Butt to drive to NYC for good chinese food). Princeton might be another possibility but NJ also got some good restaurants.
Mr. Wolf definitely a person with strong feelings - I seriously believe Mr. Wolf had been hurt in the past (if it is not himself, it must be his close friend) :-)
it is a good thing to speak out and not hide your true feelings - you got my support! :-)
In addition, I believe Yang also slept with Butt before she left Dave. No doubt about that based on common sense - even though HaiPan kept saying she didn't but that's one-side story. I don't agreet with haiPan said. Yang probably also had secured certain guarantees from Butt before she finally dumped Dave. She is too pragamatic to not do that.
It is kind of funny when a really pragamatic lady keep telling herself - I did all thse just for love. Really, haha
Yes but she motivates herself at the price of further humiliating her ex-hubby, that's quite low
She's still a step from evil.
Ha ha, getting closer. She did sold her soul to the Devil already. She got what she wanted, but also had to pay all the price and baggage attached to it. She will not be totally happy and will continue to be tormented.
When you keep reminding yourself something in mind, that most likely means you are not sure of it. This is a way of self-persuasion. If you are sure of it, you don't even think of it all time. From this paragraph, I feel Jim will be dave #2 later, maybe soon since her story will fade out soon. Jing's coming back to the same lab can not make her big time, at most a high-level technicion, she knows. But what she really wants is to show her DILIGENCE and COMPARE WITH David and REINFORCE others with the idea that she dump David was because David was not as ambitious as she was. This is the only justifiable reason among many others for the divorce. She wants only this reason, not the other evil ones to stand out in everyone's mind in the lab, the hub of where all rumors come from. So, she work so hard in the lab. Her keeping showing her love before Jim and before others follows the same logic. All analysis above does not mean to convey she's evil. Her action and reaction are as normal as everybody. She's still a step from evil.
哈哈，你也受傷了？你是virgin，不會吧？
開玩笑的。歡迎狼兄。
謝謝你的肯定。確實，作者不要自己跳進小說裏去充當道德裁判，讓你的小說人物按照他們自己的生活軌跡走吧。
謝謝你講的故事。實際上這種例子多到每個人十個指頭都數不過來，隻是嫁老板的還是比較少一些。
I did not say that, ha ha
她還是希望慢慢改變人們對她的看法。
刻骨銘心，極其艱難！
說得很對，祖國的強大增強了人民的自信。
她自己激勵自己，不是壞事。
太輕信了吧，跟鐵道部一樣：）
這是她的意願和想法。還是比躺在教授身上生活好一些吧。
對有些不負責任的男人，就應該給他屁股一腳，逼著他去奮鬥。
唔，這麽多問題：）
她炫耀了一回，被人罵回來了。
她有這點想法很好。
她知道沒人喜歡她。
她也知道別人都認為她想要錢，所以不願顯得太貪婪 ---兼答丫頭：）
In real life, she might be a really likable and respectable lady if you didn't know all the stories behind her. Most of the people probably don't care anyway.
However, once you know the stories behind her, definitely you don't want to be too close to her since nobody wants to be another Dave. Jim might be the Dave No. 2 too.
I like your writing style - let the characters play out themselves without too much emotional attachments. Great work!
I can understand Yang dumped Dave though not necessarily agree but I really feel horrible that she went back to work in the same lab. Kind of disgusting, isn't it?
恨死她了！不過好象她還沒有壞成那樣吧。
我隻是描述她的想法，雖然別人不這樣看。作者是局外人，我不可能跳到書人去打她的耳光：）
是呀，屁股決定腦袋。潛意識對人的決策可能大於理性思考。
haha there are many cases, though not necessarily gone with the boss, but mostly gone with a white man, and the hubby had to support the green card out of kindness.
In late 1990s, one chinese lady studying CS in Loyola U in Chicago had affairs with a chinese professor in order to get the projects down, In the end, the wife of the professor went to the dept and the professor lost his job. The lady graduated and got a very good job and of course moved on.
Another guy who was a PhD in geology and supported his F-2 to study CS - of course he did all projects. In the end, once she got a job, she moved out and found a white boyfriend.
每個人都是自私的。她也就是一般人。
二婚和初婚還是不一樣，你可以看出她是小心翼翼的。當初她看到肖君傑的BMW時衝鄭衛喊叫：“鄭衛你給我買！”現在她就不能對吉姆這麽喊了。為什麽呢？請丫頭想一想：）
謝謝評論。
她算好的，她還有內疚。有的人做了傷害他人的事一點內疚也沒有，反正都是別人的錯。
謝謝你的誇讚！
小靜回來了，鄭衛當然難受，她也不舒服。可是沒有辦法，生活中你並不總是跟你喜歡的人呆在一起。
是啊，看上去很虛偽。不過，西方人就是這種文化，說話很好聽，下手特別狠。
又一跟老板跑了的老婆。這是網友揭露的第三例了。
她也內疚。鄭衛也不是無辜的。
不喜歡她，是吧？她也知道大家都不喜歡她。
haha - thanks I like this forum and most of us do share lots of common sense
Wendi Deng is in her own class - each time she caught bigger and bigger fish until she got the blue whale. :-)
Most of the not so great ladies who can change their loves based on conditions, can only make the jump once. Emotional costs can drain people out. Wendi is the superlady.
In investments, between Jim and Wei, it is like money market fund and equity. Some ladies would like to cash out early - they were impatient so they dumped their original equity holdings. Most of the good wifes stick on and in the end equity perform well too. if Yang chose the later route, probably she would have a better life in the end. Well, she might be too pragmatic and short-sighted
"just in hope of gradually change others' attitudes toward her of which she REALLY CARES,"
In this sense, I truly admire Wendi Deng, "just do it" who cares other's opinions.
說得太對了：
She definitely has the right to pursue a better life - but indeed there is no need to paint herself as a virgin. In our old chinese saying, you can't be hookers and have a Virgin Pole (PaiFang) on the same time. Or more politely, no bear paws and fish on the same time.
這一頁不是“成長”二字就能簡單翻過的。
I am happy lots of us still share the same common sense.
Regarding the love to the buttman, it is a little fake as folks said. On the other hand, I don't think we should blame Yang. I started to work in 1998 and noticed most of chinese fellows bended over 180 degrees to their white bosses if they bosses asked them to bend over only 90 degrees. We are all the products of our times - we were humble and even somewhat ass-kissing due to the lack of confidence because our homeland was not rich enough and the whole nation didn't have much confidence, let alone the little guys like us who struggled for a living in the most powerful capitalism country. Now, today's young chinese working in US companies are much more confident, aggressive and took it for granted for things they think they deserve. Thankfully to our homeland's progress. If our homeland remains poor and backward as 20 yrs ago, I wouldn't think the young generation's attitude toward white bosses would be much different from the older generations's.
感覺有些假了，現在作家把她忽悠成諾貝爾，我都信了。
That's right. She doesn't care anything but herself. Hurting anybody else? Who cares? That is her.
這話怎麽聽得這麽別扭呢？
靠自己努力？那她嫌棄鄭的立足點在哪兒？跟鄭在一起是要依賴鄭，嫌鄭不負責。現在跟了吉姆，倒要靠自己努力了？
去贏得別人的尊重？怎麽覺得是對別人的侮辱呢？別人沒有是非觀念嗎？
楊小靜不僅自私，而且殘忍。先給人心口一刀，再跑回來把傷口撕開了，滿滿地撒鹽。這真的還是一個正常普通人能做的事情嗎？算我孤陋寡聞。
She did not mean to hurt Zheng by divorcing and marrying Bartman, but if that's a side-effect, she does not care. She cares her own feathers, i.e. others' opinion towards her and she wants and takes action to change that. And once again if as side effect, it hurts Zheng, she does not care.
她要靠自己的努力去變成強者，去贏得別人的尊重-----she works as a tech in her husband's lab, how does she expect to earn others' respect? BTW she does not want to go to school, she think Biology is so easy that she can just do it?
見到實驗室的人甚至一副怯生生的模樣------that is just hypocritical, and disgusting
要是以前對鄭衛，楊小靜早就喊著想要了，可是對吉姆，她並不想顯得太貪婪----can you tell me she is not a golddigger?
小靜的心理及行為描寫得的確很到位，雖然海攀堅持這是愛情，但明眼人還是可以發現小靜極力討好Jim，阿諛奉承的心態。愛情是絲絲情意的積累，加之適當時候的升華，我沒有從小說中體會到。
People make decisions first, find reasons or supports thereafter. Butt determines Mind. The decision making processes are mostly emotional. An example is I don't support his idea, because bla bla (what's true in my mind is I don't like him, I hate him and whatever he says). And many decisions are based on subconscious reasoning, for example, I ate my brother's share of an apple, I would think, anyway he does not care, he's not hungry, right (the fact in my mind is, if I don't tell him, he won't know). The subconscious reasoning only flashes in our mind and we tried to avoid them if they are evil, but unfortunately, they are the most decisive factors of our behavior. We are trying to hide or cover our subconsciousness in many ways. Jing's way is to exaggerate the influences of other ethic factors and play down the ugly ones. I guess the author also intentionally do so to mislead the readers for dramatic effect. By exaggerating the minor but moral factors, she feel comfort and justified. If still not comfortable enough or not enough to pursuade others' to think in favor of her, she will use all supporting facts or create supporting facts till she feels enough.
We live for ourself in the subconsciousness when we are alone and behave for others when we are with others.
Now she goes back to the SAME LAB because those in the lab are the ones she needs to change their views toward her. So she shows with humble and work so hard, so so so UNNECESSARILY hard just in hope of gradually change others' attitudes toward her of which she REALLY CARES, though she may keep persuading herself she's not living for others' view of herself.
But Young's self fish reaches the professionally highest level.
what you said is so true, and a lot of people are like that.
She can go to other labs, or other jobs, or go to school, etc.. Working in Jim's lab is the worst way to show her value, worst of all, it further hurts David!
Not a good person at all - honsetly I looked down at her. before this, I didn't like her decision and sometimes thought her thoughts are funny or even naive. Now I don't even want to read anything about her :-)
If she is really kind, probably she should think about how to help David - probably reaching out to Juan and ask her advice on how to help David.
Of course, in real world, nobody is perfect and every one is selfish, to a certain degree. That's why this novel is so attractive.
Great job - HaiPan!
She definitely has the right to pursue a better life - but indeed there is no need to paint herself as a virgin. In our old chinese saying, you can't be hookers and have a Virgin Pole (PaiFang) on the same time. Or more politely, no bear paws and fish on the same time.
楊小靜抹抹淚說：“因為我們已經結了婚了呀！現在你不送給我汽車，我也不會跑呀。這證明了你對我的愛！”
This girl of course has the right to do/say whatever she wants. However, what she says/does really decides which kid of person she really is, at least our opinions.
Just like a normal person tends to justify his/her motivation when he/she did something horrible, she also did the same way. "I got married with Jim just for the love!" haha - yes she can definitely think in that way, right or wrong. However, the history is written by the people collectively, not by what he/she said.