After 19 years of watching picture-perfect movies where the hottest guy at school falls for the less-than-perfect, yet perfect outsider, you’d think I’d have a little faith in guys making the first move.
But, ladies and gentlemen, I now pronounce chivalry as dead as Amanda Bynes’ acting career.
Throughout middle school and high school, it’s normal to sit around and just expect the cute guy from school to “hit you up” with a friendly text or two after school.
But, then, you get to the point where you’re waking up the morning and the first you do is check your phone. No “good morning, beautiful” accompanied by at least four smiling emoji? Fantastic. The day is already off to a sh*tty start.
Long gone are the days when guys were expected to hold open doors for girls; long gone are the nights where guys are expected to take a girl out to a romantic dinner, pay for her with no questions asked (Feminism, can you not?) and then kiss her goodnight at the front door, only to text her about 10 minutes later to say how great of a time he had.
What is this dream world? Ask me how many times I’ve gotten hit in the face with a door thanks to Mr. Attention-Span-of-a-Squirrel.
Now, I’m not saying no guy out there has the decency to put himself out there as much as a girl wants. I’m just saying most guys could use a couple more chick flick lessons in their lives.
If there’s one thing I’ve noticed, it’s that girls lose opportunities at relationships, simply because they think not receiving a text or Snapchat from a guy often means he is just not interested.
Newsflash: There’s a chance he’s interested. But, he’s also probably lazy. Like, seriously? You’re trusting the guy who can’t remember what underwear he put on that morning to remember you?
Also, if you tell me that one of your New Year’s resolutions is to meet the guy you’re going to fall in love with, yet you’re expecting he’s going to make the first move, shut the f*ck up. Seriously. Shut up.
If there’s another thing I’ve noticed, it’s that guys think confidence is sexy. They absolutely love it when a girl takes initiative and makes a move.
That’s right; I’m telling you to send that first message on Tinder because God knows what message you will get if you don’t.
But, there are many reasons why you should honestly just take it upon yourself to make the first move — here are 25 of them:
1. When a guy gets a flirty text from a girl out of the blue, it’s pretty obvious she was thinking about him.
2. Because when a girl gets a “Wanna go on an a date with me? I’ll give you the D later” text, no one wants to know the obvious.
3. Guys like to be reminded that girls think of them just as much as girls like to know a guy is doodling their names all over his notebook.
4. Guys aren’t going to doodle your name all over their notebooks if they can’t remember your name.
5. Girls love to talk. Therefore, girls generally know how to keep a conversation going longer. If you get excited over a two-text conversation, then have fun with a two-minute date.
6. Guys are oblivious. They either think no girl is into them, or every girl is into them. Their thoughts aren’t going to make sh*t happen.
7. It’ll ease your mind to see you’ve taken over his Snapchat Best Friends after you sent him that first Snap while you were tequila-ed up on Friday night.
8. Because, let’s be honest: Homegirl “sexiilexii” needs to step away from your man.
9. Taylor Swift isn’t dominating the music industry because guys were able to make good moves.
10. If you can’t make a move, then don’t be surprised when he gets an unexpected phone call from his mother saying his uncle has just fallen and can’t get up during your first date.
11. Do you want to put the chance of a relationship in the hands of a gender that only sees a single purpose of the hand?
12. Because, if you’re relating to this right now, look at how far that has gotten you.
13. Being forward shows confidence, and confidence in a girl can spark confidence in a guy.
14. Who are you trying to date? An Archibald or a Humphrey?
15. Girls have a better grip on the difference between confidence and cockiness.
16. If you don’t make an effort to be remembered, you’ll end up as forgotten as Princess Eilonwy.
17. What, who is that?
18. If neither of you makes a move — and we all know he probably won’t be making any moves –, you’ll succumb to no contact for weeks.
19. Do you want him to react to your text with, “Woah! I forgot about this chick!” or a smile and reply? Because, hey, he might actually remember you with such early notice.
20. If he doesn’t think you’re into him, he’ll quickly move on to someone who quite easily is.
21. LOL. A guy who only has one woman on his mind.
22. There’s many a boy band song out there suggesting that guys are just as hesitant to be forward with us.
23. Do you really want to share similar qualities with a 21st century boy band?
24. If I got a pair of Louboutins for every time a guy told me he forgot to text me back because he was playing video games, I’d be one happy girl.
25. Men suck.
