Eivaro2008-01-07 18:00:44回複悄悄話
Dear 真妮,
Thank you for your reply. I really like your answer. It helps. We are working on our relationship. He agreed to find a marriage consultant helping us.
Eivaro2008-01-04 17:09:40回複悄悄話
Jennie, I need you and everyone's help.
I have a question and I am welcome everyone’s opinion. My husband is working on a new job in China and has more chances to social with different people including women. Social maybe help his to build good working relation ship.
I am kind of sensitive when he is too close to a woman as he had an affair many years ago at work place. The affair ended after I was aware of the affair. He recently talked with me pointing out that we each should have our own little space. I don’t know what that mean and asked for more examinations, such as for example. He said that for example if he goes lunch or dinner with a woman I should not get upset or care too much. They are too many chances in China and almost unavoidable. I said that if its work related I wouldn’t care. If its non work related he should and not hard to void to be with a women along. If for networking purpose he can ask the 3rd person to go with them. He thinks I am too sensitive. I agreed I am sensitive but if there was no affair history I would not restrict him entertaining with a woman along. That makes him even hate my restriction as he hated to mention the history. I knew he wanted to totally forget the history but IT’S the reason for me to be sensitive. Do you thank I am too excessive? What you think I should face the issue? I appreciate everyone’s opinion and suggestions.
木蘭木蘭2007-12-28 04:46:44回複悄悄話
"too simple sometimes naive"? 這不是江澤明講香港記者的原話嗎? 咋給用這兒了;)?
daniya2007-12-19 21:11:12回複悄悄話
too simple sometimes naive
There is a joke: in general people get older and wiser but sometimes the age comes alone :) ...
Somehow when I read your writings and knowing that you are much younger than me, I felt that to some people (like you), wisdom can also comes alone :) ...
You have so much depth and dimensions – it is amazing!! How lucky to your husband and kids!!
真妮說的太對了。不光女人有第六感，男人也有的，因為愛情是專一的敏感的。我前一陣子回國，剛好我們這裏的一個工作上的聯係人也在國內，於是我們一起吃了幾次飯，當然不談工作了，不過也沒什麽不正常隻是介紹一下中國，聊聊天。
我老公就覺得不對勁了，我開始說他胡思亂想，我們因為工作認識，平時也沒什麽私人的接觸，這次因為剛好在國內碰上，作為當地人做一下導遊。但老公說他感覺不對，讓我自己好好想想。。。
我靜下心來也覺得我確實在不知不覺中對他產生了好感，如果他在我心中真的隻是工作關係的話，我就不會主動約他吃飯，而且隻是兩個人。
後來我問我的同事男女是否不能做朋友，她說是的，但是可以作為大家的家庭朋友：就是男的和女的老公也是朋友，或是女的也是男的老婆的朋友。也就是說如果隻有兩人的交往那麽總是曖昧的，時間長了就會變味。
我想男和女都會有機會碰到誘惑，關鍵還是要看個人的抵抗力，還有婚姻裏另一方的提醒，愛情是自私的，我不認為你做得過分。
我不知道我的經曆對你有幫助嗎？也不知道你能看到我的留言嗎。
我很敬重真妮的看法和意見，但對這一點我想提供自己的補充。
大家都熟悉的一句老口號是：“生命誠可貴，愛情價更高。若為自由故，兩者皆可拋。”我想用這句話來形容男人是再確切不過了。一個能夠充分地給與自己先生自由的太太在他先生的眼裏一定會是非常值得尊重的，因為這是所有男人願意從自己太太那兒最想得到的東西。當然也要看她的先生值得不值得她這樣做。。。
Thank you for your reply. I really like your answer. It helps. We are working on our relationship. He agreed to find a marriage consultant helping us.
我們女人都是有第六感的，在感情問題上靠的是感覺而不是邏輯，如果你覺得你老公現在的所作所為讓你不安，那麽就相信自己的感覺。這無關乎他的的曆史是否清廉，和他討論的時候不要提這件事，好象隻是你小肚雞腸地老揪住人家的小辮子不放似地。你其實隻是不希望他走得太遠，破壞了家庭，也會間接破壞了他的事業。
和女人單獨出去吃飯就是給婚姻空間嗎？我不敢苟同這種說法，聽著很Funny。在美國一個男人和另外一個女人單獨出去吃晚飯幾乎可以肯定是”Date“了。
問問他，如果你也和其他男人單獨出去吃飯，他如何感覺。如果他無所謂，那麽你們兩個人之間的空間越來越大，是不是就意味著可以分道揚鑣了？
I have a question and I am welcome everyone’s opinion. My husband is working on a new job in China and has more chances to social with different people including women. Social maybe help his to build good working relation ship.
I am kind of sensitive when he is too close to a woman as he had an affair many years ago at work place. The affair ended after I was aware of the affair. He recently talked with me pointing out that we each should have our own little space. I don’t know what that mean and asked for more examinations, such as for example. He said that for example if he goes lunch or dinner with a woman I should not get upset or care too much. They are too many chances in China and almost unavoidable. I said that if its work related I wouldn’t care. If its non work related he should and not hard to void to be with a women along. If for networking purpose he can ask the 3rd person to go with them. He thinks I am too sensitive. I agreed I am sensitive but if there was no affair history I would not restrict him entertaining with a woman along. That makes him even hate my restriction as he hated to mention the history. I knew he wanted to totally forget the history but IT’S the reason for me to be sensitive. Do you thank I am too excessive? What you think I should face the issue? I appreciate everyone’s opinion and suggestions.
There is a joke: in general people get older and wiser but sometimes the age comes alone :) ...
Somehow when I read your writings and knowing that you are much younger than me, I felt that to some people (like you), wisdom can also comes alone :) ...
You have so much depth and dimensions – it is amazing!! How lucky to your husband and kids!!