滿眼風光
古今中外事，都付笑談中。
今日廢話屁事，但願不會冒犯淑女雅士。
這也實在是由一則英語新聞有感而發: 美國警察因為某人在警局放屁就要他蹲大牢，不依法辦事也違反人權，說不過去。新聞如下:
Man charged after allegedly passing gas toward cop
Thu Sep 25, 3:58 PM ET
A West Virginia man who police said passed gas and fanned it toward a patrolman has been charged with battery on a police officer.
Jose A. Cruz, 34, of Clarksburg, was pulled over early Tuesday for driving without headlights, police said. According to the criminal complaint, Cruz smelled of alcohol, had slurred speech and failed three field sobriety tests before he was handcuffed and taken to a police station for a breathalyzer test.
As Patrolman T.E. Parsons prepared the machine, Cruz scooted his chair toward Parsons, lifted his leg and "passed gas loudly," the complaint said.
Cruz, according to complaint, then fanned the gas toward the officer.
"The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons," the complaint alleged.
He was also charged with driving under the influence, driving without headlights and two counts of obstruction.
Cruz acknowledged passing gas, but said he didn't move his chair toward the officer nor aim gas at the patrolman. He said he had an upset stomach at the time, but police denied his request to go to the bathroom when he first arrived at the station.
"I couldn't hold it no more," he said.
He also denied being drunk and uncooperative as the police complaint alleged. He added he was upset at being prepared for a breathalyzer test while having an asthma attack. The police statement said he later resisted being secured for a trip to a hospital that he requested for asthma treatment.
Cruz said the officers thought the gas incident was funny when it happened and laughed about it with him.
"This is ridiculous," he said. "I could be facing time."
讀新聞學英語，我們先注解詞匯:
pass gas = 放屁(英文gas也可作"天然氣"或"汽油"講)
patrolman = 巡邏警察(patrol不是petrol，別整岔了)
battery = 攻擊罪
slurred speech = 說話打顫(舌頭打滑)
sobriety test = 對神誌是否清醒的測試
breathalyzer = 呼吸分析 (是breath和analyzer的合成)
drive under influence = 酒後駕車
asthma = 呼吸道過敏
facing time = 要坐牢
這事情經過也不複雜: 巡邏警官在West Virginia的Clarksburg小鎮逮了個名叫Jose A. Cruz的哥兒們(看名字，Jose兄是老墨)。三十大幾還行為不端，開車沒頭燈讓警察叔叔攔下，口有酒味兒，說話履不直口條。進了局子還不服，把座椅移近警官，撇開腿對著"叔叔"來了個響的，完了還用手把氣煽向警官，所以被告“攻擊警察”。
這警察也真是小題大做，不就是放個屁嘛。據Jose申辯，警官當時也沒忍住大笑來著。笑後要人就此郎當入獄，當然有濫用警力違反美國人權的嫌疑。況且Jose也曾請示上廁所，被拒後才當庭出響。
警察不該讓人憋屁。當庭放響屁不雅但不傷人，甚至不能算作道德淪喪。
其實，屁也涉及"文化內涵"。首先，有關屁的詞匯就不少。英文裏動詞放屁是fart，同義詞很多，有break wind(破風)，pass wind(通風)，morning thunder(清晨雷響--一日之屁在於晨?)，還有stepping on a toad(踩著蛤蟆了--蛤蟆叫聲與屁響諧音?)；多屁者常被戲稱gas man，因為他們體內有太多的flatulence(或flatus)...。
西方文明對放屁也有約定俗成(Farting Etiquette)，在早年間的中世紀，飯後大聲響屁是對家庭煮婦的恭維，類似與中國人的飯後打飽嗝。據傳德國先賢馬丁路特(Martin Luther)說過: Why don't you belch and fart, did you not enjoy the meal? (德國話: Warum rülpset und furzet ihr nicht, hat es euch denn nicht geschmecket?)--中文意思是，為什麽你們飯後既沒打嗝又不放屁? 難道這頓飯你們沒吃好?
後來，這一響屁習俗被擯棄，取而代之的是更加文明的放屁禮節。比如，
1. 無論是帶響的還是暗自泄出，盡量去室外排氣；
2. 大庭廣眾如有女士不幸走風，男士要勇於英雄救美替MM受過，第一時間說出"我幹的"，等等
文化比較有助於外文學習，這有一定道理。比方說，老外聽聞屁響時會問"有誰踩蛤蟆了?" 中國人聽到女人尖叫時關懷的話語是: "有誰踩雞脖了?" 比較有助記憶。
中國話裏對放屁的辯詞自古有之: 屁者，乃人身之氣也。現代人說: 這是一股氣，哪有不放之理! 但是，雖然豪言氣吞山河，終是不能"放者得誌，欲仙欲死；聞者喪氣，閉唇捂鼻"。創建和諧社會倡導現代文明需要每位共和國公民的努力! 當然，屁者也不一定就是反文明，偉人"不須放屁"已然進了古體詩詞的大雅之堂。
不過，屁聲有傷儒雅時，需要一定的掩飾技巧。下麵兩則傳聞或可供作參考:
1. 如今手機電話人人會用。手機來電話時提示可以是有聲響的，也可以是無聲的顫動。某地方首長政績卓著，但下體排氣時常不加節製。女秘書建議首長，至少在公開場合要像手機那樣靜音。首長采納合理建議後果然大有改進，聲響銳減。但一日女秘書見首長在座椅裏顫動不止，急問首長身體有何不適? 首長答: 自你要我靜音以來，我將"聲響"改成"顫動"，所以現在每天至少要這樣顫動幾十次；
2. 南方某大學大一英語課，美女教員年輕亮麗，深受廣大體內荷爾蒙撞頂的男學生們愛戴。某日課堂展開"戰爭與和平"的討論，靚女老師台上不幸走風，紅暈上臉有點掛不住，但為維護經年營造的"光輝形象"，急智地用問題掩飾尷尬: 請說出和平、戰爭、和動詞"發現"的過去式。 眾男生一如既往地踴躍搶答: Peace、War、Found!
(英語詞匯注解: Peace = 屁是，War = 我，Found = 放的)。
結語: "英雄救美"中外殊途同歸，但無論有無靚女在場，漏氣人要盡量避嫌， 聞屁者也不要讓人下不了台，這道理有古詩為證:
聞屁莫要嫌，屁乃肚中氣，本是自然生，相聞何太急。
Nice meeting you here and glad you like it.
山菊花? 那個山頭上的? Whoever it is, I am sure your greetings will be well received.
Thanks you, for coming and commenting.
Sure. This is one aspect where people can see how much the American freedom is discounted.
哈哈哈哈
好有趣的研究
代問山菊花好！
謝liu-fu同學薦言。
以前當過中科院雇員，但沒聽說過有屁研究所。
看上去liu-fu同學對"屁事"知之不多? 如有興趣應該加強學習，可以先從把玩whooppee cushion開始。沒過考研年齡吧? 屁研究所招生時應當考慮。
共勉!
同意靚女當校長，her instantaneous wisdom should qualify her.
你這俗話有一定道理，尤其前半句。
老罷高見，既已露餡就幹脆自我調侃一下-- 這樣還能 make your presence known in a "grandiose" way.
Jose恐怕真是來自仙班。最後警察也那他沒辦法，隻能dropped the charge.
建議到中科院屁研究所搞個PI當當，也算學有所用。
最喜歡尹兄那句“飯後大聲響屁是對家庭煮婦的恭維”，以後不小心做客飯後時踩了蛤蟆，我一定把尹兄這句話搬出來遮一下。 屁雖然是人生之氣不得不放，但放起來還是可以有些技巧的。 譬如，可以化整為零或分期分批地慢排，實在露餡就自我調侃一下：“不好意思，沒做好環保工作，以後你們排汙時我一定替你們買單，今天就隻能委屈各位一下了。哈哈哈。。。”