TONIGHT LOVE IS (圖)

TONIGHT LOVE IS A SILENT ROSE

Words 

come and go

in the perfect

stillness of 

the hour. As far

as my eyes can reach

the hands of dreams

are holding a silent

rose of words

:

Fusion of lost

fragrance

. . .

I leave myself

following your

unfinished dream

only to find

the flower

in my hands

bleeding

 !

Pain is merely

a shadow of the forgotten

country in the fission

of Night soundlessly

approached by

Love

+

z

z

06

[z.z.]

haha....黃衫, no problem .... now i remember what you meant about that post...

thank you again for sharing your ideas/work....

have a great wknd!!

[y.y.]

關於毛的 . . .


hahahaha, come into my mind as "About hair" :)

[黃衫]

zz,不好意思，你們已經徜徉在未來了，而我卻剛從昨天走出來。。。：）你的回答“Maoism, i heard, is also read and welcomed by the Iraqies when protecting their homeland during the American invasion ....”remember? :) 本為避免我的唐突再現，卻“弄巧成拙”了，哈哈。我可能偶爾來跟貼，這裏剛好先打一聲招呼了。：）
剛看到你的翻譯，“forgotten country"你用的是“被忘卻的故國”，這原在我的迷惑之中的，得到證實，更感動於你的詩意！

zf,agree with you.

Hi yy, nice to be here again. thanks. I learned a lot from all the good works (yours, zf's, wx000's, zz's and sd's) here and enjoyed reading them also.

Have a nice weekend!

[wx000]

"the voice change from passive to active is interesting"...

yy & zz: a little experiment :)) Thanks for the encouragement!


zf: "輕"中有"重"..."重"中有"輕"...Thanks for the elabration! (坦白從寬) - sometimes i don't know what i am writing.

[作舟詩集]

黃衫: zz，上次你的貼（關於毛的）....????
Can you refresh my memory please?
:)

[作舟詩集]

Good job, wx000!!!
I did mine a few hours ago, and I am not surprised to find a couple of same word choices....
Cheers!!

[y.y.]

like the following words a lot, [forgot saying . . .]

全然， 轉瞬即逝， 視野， 消逝的， 痛楚， 已忘故國

hi to Huang-shan too, your voice changes too in the last stanza . . . images are a little different now . . .

interesting. . . nice to share . . .:)

:)

[y.y.]

good, wx000, thanks for your "water . . .", as i said/"predicted", your word choice would make my eyes wide open. . . still tasting . . .your words are polished :)

indeed, the voice change from passive to active is interesting . . . in the last stanza


:)

[wx000]

adding some water,

今夜，愛是無言的玫瑰

全然靜寂
詞語
轉瞬即逝
我的視野裏
夢的手
握著一隻無言
文字的玫瑰
。。。

消逝的芬芳
融聚
。。。

告別自我
追隨你
未圓的夢
才發現
我手中的花
淌著血
！

痛楚不過是
已忘故國的
一個幽靈
在夜的裂痕中
悄悄地
靜候
愛的
來臨

thanks!

[z.f.]

wish you all the best!!! every-body :)

[y.y.]

okie, okie,

a - m - waaaaaating

:)

[z.z.]

hi everybeautifulbody!

enjoy reading all of it!!!

Huang Shan's version is awfully nice too!!!

Also, ZF's philosophical thoughts on languages....

SD, you have musical ears...your version must be interesting for sure!!

hi to YY and wx00....

I am translating too :)

[by水滴]

I seldom translate ZZ's poem. Your translations inspired me to translate. :)

Will type my version in a few hours. :)

[z.f.]

Hi to 黃衫, thank you for sharing... 握手！

but I think "忘鄉" is not appropriate now...especially with "夜的裂縫裏"...

zz: "the problem is the two verbs...they are both transitive....to "look/search" and "to forget"...."

...

[z.f.]

zz: but in the poem, it is "forgotten"....(thanks...understood!)


wx000: "藏雲聚氣 :）"

then, what is the next step? :) "太極"? "無極"? :)

sometimes...
"輕"中有"重"..."重"中有"輕"...
the beauty of zz's poems...
every word...every stanza...every whole poem...

my personal observing...only...

消逝的芬芳("輕"?)
融聚？("重"?)

("重"?)遺落的芬芳("輕"?)

I think that is the WAY...

but in this poem, it is "lost"...

in my humble opinion, ..."輕"亦"重"..."重"亦"輕"...

everyone has his/her own WAY....
no better...but different only...
the world is so beautiful because everyone/everything is different...
Each different, Each the same... :)

...

happy friday...

[黃衫]

也試一試，我的理解：）


今夜，愛是一朵沉默的玫瑰


在完美的寂靜中
語言
來了又去

目光的盡處
她們留下一朵沉默的玫瑰
於夢的手上
：

遺落的芳香
融成的花朵

。。。

我放縱自己
去追隨你未竟的夢想
卻發現
玫瑰
在我的手上
滴著血

！

今夜
愛
悄然而至
痛
不過是忘鄉在分裂的夜裏
的影子


哈，剛才粗粗讀過跟貼，發現知凡也用的是”忘鄉“。握手！說實在的，這個“forgotten country”挺令我迷惑的。想換成更貼切的，這裏又似乎羅嗦了。

zz，上次你的貼（關於毛的）看到了，謝謝。

[wx000]

you have been doing really good on this translation. i like it very much and agree with your words. more translation? not necessary unless for pure entertainment.

[y.y.]

消逝的芬芳

like this one !!!

聚 seems to have a SOUND of "重力感" too though it's very good!!! :)

thanks :)

indeed i am eager to read your translation . . .pleeeease!!! you have many words that keep my eyes wide open :)

[wx000]

Fusion of lost
Fragrance

Just some open options,

直接的，“芬芳” 或可理解為氣體 –輕盈，飄逸，無形。 而“遺落” 好象有點重力感。

消逝的芬芳
融聚？

消失，消散，消逝，遺失？
聚 – 藏雲聚氣 :）

[z.f.]

我以為“夜的裂縫裏”有 “abyss”的感覺視覺在裏麵。。。疼痛之深。。。

“夜的離析”。。。很棒。。。但“離析”（分離，離散）似乎已有某種清醒在其中。。。不及無以名狀或無奈的裂之痛和“夜的裂縫裏”的疼痛之深。。。被意識 is merely a shadow of the forgotten country 慢慢減輕。。。愛無聲無息靠近。。。

最後一節有某種驚人的美，即使什麽都不想隻是讀來的感覺。。。創境之美。。。能反複咀嚼品味的美。。。

如何翻譯得更美呢？

[y.y.]

Fusion of lost
fragrance

how about this one?

[y.y.]

離析很有意思，如果我沒有理解錯，它似乎抓住了某種分裂與裂開後形成的個體的過
程，在某個程度上很接近我原想表達的；我原想的是某種分離後可以自我形成發展
的東西，它會在視覺上減輕“痛”，因為它那種裂裏，展現出新的生機。

但裂縫是很視覺的一個詞語。。

[wx000]

Thanks! i am still learning both English and Chinese。

unfinished dream - 未圓的夢？
the fission of Night - 夜的離析？

[z.f.]

"忘鄉" 一詞是我創造的:) 不解釋那多我想確實難懂:)

我理解你詩歌的原意。。。

我也很認同YY的翻譯。。。但我又不想重複不是。。。

我翻譯時把昨晚讀詩後自己的浮想聯翩也加進來"灌水"不是:)

[z.f.]

yes...we don't like “external standard”...thanks wx000!!! like your words...

[z.z.]

望鄉 & 忘鄉 ...

zf, i like what you said....understood!!!

the problem is the two verbs...they are both transitive....to "look/search" and "to forget"....

but in the poem, it is "forgotten"....

maybe i have never heard of the expression "忘鄉" before, so i have some doubts....let me think about it ...

wx000,

agree with every word you said....your English is also great!!!! i guess you have studied English for a while?

cheers!!!

[z.f.]

no...那部日本電影是"望鄉"...

我譯成"忘鄉"。。。

有感於"反認他鄉是故鄉","日暮鄉關何處是"等中文裏的“鄉”的情節，而舊式狹隘的“鄉愁”已非現代人的情節。。。但是無論古今，人的情感是一樣的，我理解古人的鄉愁情緒其實是“HOME”情節，是 PI 裏的趨近情節。。。無論是領域還是國度還是任何一種沉醉，都有PI裏的趨近情節和無限情節。。。疼痛皆因不能近或不能及而生。。。如果將“鄉”理解成PI 裏的趨近情節/無限情節。。。“忘鄉”忘記是一種痛，被遺忘也是一種痛，夜成碎片。。。是一種情緒。。。被愛靠近。。。我常常想雙關：），但發現詞匯很有限。。。

"反認他鄉是故鄉",曹翁的這句裏就有對PI 裏的趨近情節/無限情節的智慧認識。。。“紅樓夢”的偉大之處多是識破了舊式的狹隘之處。。。寶黛之戀愛是中國文學史上的第一場戀愛。。。但是以悲劇告終。。。:)

現代人智慧不智慧？可每個能愛的人我是說每一個是否能歡天喜地呢:))（白日做夢:）

[y.y.]

very well said, WX000 tong-zhi!!!

[wx000]

I like yy and zf's both translations. Beautiful!!!

As a reader, in my humble opinion, “comparing/competition", " voting /democracy”, etc. these kinds of “external standard” words do not make any sense in art. Some artists’ work can only be understood by people many generations later.

About translation, for each original poem, there should be many BEST translations. Translation is a re-creation process which inspired by the original. Although in each translation, the use of words can be refined by reader’s review, but each reader/translator’s feeling and understanding toward the original poem is really unique. It is this “uniqueness” makes poetry beautiful and enjoyable. Art is not “yes” or “no” - you know better than me. Art has infinity dynamic dimensions.

A good original poem can have many BEST translations. A less-good original poem may have only one best translation – and it can be done by machine :))

[y.y.]

我喜歡裂縫，分裂更多偏於動詞。

知凡的翻譯簡潔，但似乎缺乏某種力度，說不清，因為原詩裏文字的流淌裏卻非常
有力度，一種類似不可抗拒的沉靜。。。至少於我的感受是這樣。。。

水滴的“羅曼史”很豐滿！：)

[z.z.]

痛
隻是夜的
裂縫裏
忘鄉的影子
無聲無息
被愛
靠近

[?]

"忘鄉" is interesting ....but not sure about it...it reminds me of that Japanese film...:)

thanx zf, for sharing!! your version gives me ideas too...

cheers!

[z.f.]

今夜，愛是沉默的玫瑰

文字
來來去去
此時完美
靜寂。直至
我的眼抵達
夢的手
緊握著
文字
沉默的玫瑰
:
遺落的
芬芳
融融
. . .
放逐我
追隨你
未完的夢
卻隻見
我手中的花
滴著
血
！
痛
隻是夜
分裂裏
忘鄉的影子
無聲無息
被愛
靠近


+

no better words… a few different words…

“分裂”仿佛夜成碎片？。。。“裂縫”與“被遺忘的”很體貼。。。

[z.z.]

分裂 is a verb, no?

"lie-feng" might be better....

...

you all have good sense of humor....which is also an art :)

[z.f.]

okie:)

how about

tonight

the hands of dreams
are holding a silent
rose of words

:)

[y.y.]

yes!!!

i fully agree with you . . . the "noise" in the poem cannot last . . .

mmm, i will read it LOUD :) zf, please help me pick better words:)

thanks in advance :)

[z.f.]

hi friends,

i hate "competition"...but really like "to discuss and improve our sense and aesthetics of language. . . "

but this time...i find that my words chosen are very simillar to yy's...

really enjoy reading every beautiful word in this blog...

my sense of humor needs to be improved too...:)

[z.z.]

y.y.

thank you for bringing up "silence"....with which, i judge whether a poem is "good" or "bad" .... :)
i know you as a visual reader, now i understand why you chose certain words...
even though we are not reading on here, but to read it out loud is still the most helpful with editing ... :)

[y.y.]

let me rethink about these "湧隱" . . . indeed i visulized "come and go" as tides :) but i know what you mean not colliquial . . .

thanks :)

oh, zf, don't be afraid of "xian chou" at all, here no competition, but to discuss and improve our sense and aesthetics of language. . . really, i mean it


:)

[y.y.]

thank you:)

as I translated the poem, motions in these two words, fusion and fission, have really amazed me . . . visually . . . the images in "fusion of lost/ fragrance" and "fission of night" contains something ineffable . . . melting, splitting, growing, soundlessly . . . sometimes "eyes" capture some feelings faster than "heart" because "eyes" are not trying to interpret. . . :)

love the internal flow of the poem and the silence invoked in the poem . . . one of the most beautiful poems by you . . .I still love the last stanza the most, you have visualized Pain but make it painless and beautiful . . .

yes! yes! waiting for others’ translations . . . several places in mine I am not satisfied at all. . .

[z.z.]

"come and go" is almost colliquial in English ...

zf,

this is not "competition".... :)

i enjoy the most when reading translation is to relearn Chinese.....rethink the sense of Chinese we use in poetry....

[z.f.]

yy, I think "湧隱" is creative...maybe we can change the word "湧" to another word...I like "隱"here....nice translation, well done...i don't need to "XIAN CHOU" again...:)

[z.z.]

reading it again ... i find this "湧隱" sound a little awkard....
what do you think??

[z.z.]

y.y.

well done!!

the tone in your translation is captured....really enjoy reading!!!

thanx!!

O, by the way, i realize you are always the 1st to translate....bravo!!!

:)

[y.y.]

今夜，愛是沉默的玫瑰

文字
湧隱於
此刻完美的
靜寂。目光
所及處
夢的雙手
緊握著
文字沉默的
玫瑰
：
遺落的
芬芳
融為 一
體
。。。
放逐自己
追隨你
未竟的夢
卻隻看到
我手中的花兒
在滴
血
！
痛
隻是夜的分裂裏
被遺忘的國度
的影
無聲無息地
被愛
趨近

:)

[作舟詩集]

Hi, friends, how are you!!

Hope the lovely spring opens up all your senses :)

SD,

thanks for the music!!!! this is a meditative version of the piece.....i realize that it is the "heart beat" in this piece of music that speaks to people with romantic spirits ..... a universal language .....

the echoing sound of piano travels through the inner sky of a person's consciousness.....like other musical instruments that give out different sounds and have different effects on a human's hearing ....

[by水滴]

"Romance"

[wx000]

a silent rose ... a poem ... a dream ... the fission of pain ... the fusion of love ...

[作舟詩集]

THANK U!!

SHARING IS A BEAUTIFUL THING ...

[y.y.]

so beautiful, heartfelt . . .

even the Pain has the beauty of waiting . . .

thanks for sharing. . .