Only for A.........

20060709 22:53
今天在MSN上和你談了一陣子。 你說我給你的‘EXAM’還沒做好。你抱怨說題目太難。當然，人生交叉點的選擇，如果隻是簡單的YES OR NO，那人的一生就會少很多喜怒哀了，兒女情長。我雖然昨夜未眠，焦急地等待你的回複。但是，我知道，如果你可以不假思索地回答我的問題，你的真誠程度就很值得懷疑。都已經等了那麽長時間，再多幾天也未為過吧？

當然，如果隻是消極地望眼欲穿地等，那我隻會度日如年。所以，剛才洗澡時，我忽然想到：我也應該作好心理準備，設想好你的一切可能的回答。我不知道我在你心裏有多重。一次又一次，我怕我過於高估自己。與其到時被震撼所擊倒，不如現在提前打上預防針。雖然到時還是會很痛，但起碼我可以盡量減少愛情上的挫折對我其它生活的負麵影響。

In a word, the essential question is based on 'whether you L me or just appreciate my L for you, whether it's L or friendship'

1)if you don't really L me, but still want to be friends -> Well, I hope we can still be close friends like before in future. But before we can make it, please free my hands, and let me stay alone for a while. You know my feeling towards you is much more than friendship, so I do need some time to adjust myself. I won't say I won't keep in touch with you forever. You are still a good guy, and it's always a pleasure for me to talk to you and listen to you. But, I just need time to face the fact, and change my feelings. What can you do to help me? Say something direct and decisive (please make sure you do state it clearly). It's like doing an operation, your motion has to be fast and unwaving. Don't say anything to comfort or pity me, otherwise I will still have illusion or hope on you. It hurts the patient a lot, but it's much better than letting her suffer for long time. Don't msg me or email me or read my diary anymore in the next few months. I hope I will be strong enough to fully recover by December. Then I can meet you in HK as an old friend.




2)if you don't know how much L you have for me --> well, then we are postponing the exam again. We will let time examine everything. One of my readers was telling me that 'time can precipitate all the heavy feelings, the ones that are very important to you, so you can see them clearly at the end'. Thus, he did suggest me to wait till December. He also said 'if he really L you, he won't walk out because of this half year of separation; if he doesn't L you that much, he will still leave no matter there's half year of separation or not''. I guess he's right. So, if you can't make your decision, let time do it for us. But, please let me know when you want to walk out though. I don't want to be very stupid to keep writing email to a wall.....




3) If you do L me, but feel helpless to do anything --> I understand. But, just tell me what you want to do with me.
3a)Keep on with our current relationship (i.e. have some secret emails once a while), or 3b) go back to friends?
I will respect any decision you make. I always want you to live happily, so just tell me what to do, I will follow it.
as for 3b), if you prefer go back to friends, fine. The solution will be similar to (1), but no need to be that cruel off course.
as for 3a), if you want to keep it, I will have enough courage to take it on. In that case, I won't ask for too much. As long as you still L me, then msg/send me something sweet once a week or so. It doesn't need to be long, a phrase/a sentense or even putting 'L' at the end of your mail is good enough. It just lets me know that you are still by my side. Sometimes it's difficult for me to understand your heart from your regular words......(hope this won't scare you.....) Then one day, if you feel you are too tired or find someone else, and want to quit, make sure you inform me before you leave. Then do the same thing as I told you in (1).


Here's the last thing I want to say, read it only if you belong to case 3a). Otherwise, skip it please.....















我需要的並不是太多。我隻希望我的苦心經營你能感受到，會給我支持。 路就算再艱難，隻要我知道你還在我身邊，你還願意走下去，我就會義無返顧。