愛情解密之十九：What A Woman Or Man Really Means

What a woman says, what she really means...
I need = I want
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do whatever you want = You are going to pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain （看過Jamie Foxx主演的電影Breakin’ All the Rules（2004）的人，一定知道 We need to talk = Break up）
Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I have a severe case of PMS （PMS＝Premenstrual Syndrome）
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = I want new curtains, new carpeting, new furniture, new wallpaper...
I need new shoes = the other 40 pairs are simply the wrong shade
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep (Attention, attention & attention!!!)
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really going to hate
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V. （這意味著一個小時或更久都可能，所以當你聽到這句話時，千萬別急）
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful （butt ＝bum ＝ass）
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead 
Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
I was wrong = Not as wrong as you
Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep
I'm not yelling! = Of course I'm yelling, this is important!

What a man says, what he really means...
I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm tired = I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Would you like to dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage! （指胸間）
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psycho trauma are you going through now?
You look upset = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
Yes, I love your new hairstyle = I liked it better before
Yes, your haircut looks good = $50 and it doesn't even look different!
I like the first dress you tried on better = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go!


這也是一個笑話（我們在必要的地方做了注解，讓你笑的聲音能更大些）。

對西方語言學有研究的朋友一定知道，任何文字都有兩層的意思，一個是denotation，另外一個是connotation。Denotation指的是字麵上的意思，而connotation則說的是隱含的意義，通常才是人真正想表達的意思。Denotation和Connotation有時候表達的意思是完全相同的，有時候兩者之間有相當的反差。此時你如果隻聽懂了denotation，往往對語言隻領會了其中一部分，甚至可能是很小的一部分而已，因此這樣很容易產生誤解或誤會。這個笑話其實就是一個好的例子。

雖然是個笑話，不可否認，其中對connotation的解釋和現實生活中的男女的實際想法，有相當一部分是非常吻合的。男女之間的對話，有往往帶有很強的connotation。不管是男人或女人，如果是赤裸裸地完全說出來自己心中的話，難免會讓自己難堪或傷了彼此的和氣，最後搞的不是不歡而散，就是大吵一架。即便男人和女人講同樣的一句話，各自想表達的意思也可能大不相同。如果你依然不懂這一點，不管你的條件再好，在感情上受挫的機會還是非常大。

要真正解決這個問題，最重要的是要學會聆聽，做一個好的listener，用心去溝通，當然不是像笑話裏麵說的那樣（見斜線文字）。

So until next time，你知道了，其實男人也是比較含蓄的動物。