8.6-8.10 免死金牌 Death-Free Golden Amulet

目錄 Catalog：8.6 免死金牌  Death-Free Golden Amulet；8.7 出故事的人 The Person Who Produces Stories；8.8 鬧鬼了 It's Haunted；8.9 給色狼戴上墨鏡 Putting Sunglasses on the Pervert；8.10 科學家的特質 Traits of a Scientist

 

8.6 免死金牌 Death-Free Amulet

緊隨著那個不眠之夜，我遺失了一段時間的記憶。不過我並沒有因為環境的變化感覺詫異，說明我那段時間還在現實生活中。或者可能是我的性格轉換了，我是個多重性格的人，前麵發生的事被淡化了。有記憶時，我忽然看到陽光照射在寢室的窗台上，感覺溫暖。我走過去，伸手到陽光裏，感覺到了陽光的溫度。春天來了，我向窗外望。

室友回來了，歡喜地說：“我聽說你這床位的那個人要回來了，你會搬到一樓。將來，九月，你會隨著新生入學，住到三舍去。”

表姐王剛告訴過我，“就住在八舍，趕快寫論文畢業，別在學校浪費時間了，工作才是人生的主題。” 我回答：“我不知道，誰說的？”

Immediately after that sleepless night, I lost my memory for a period. However, I was not surprised by the change of environment, which means that I was still in real life during that period. Or maybe my personality changed. I am a person with multiple personalities, and the affairs that happened before were diluted. When I regained my memory, I suddenly saw the sun shining on the windowsill of the dormitory, and it felt warm. I walked over, stretched my hand into the sun, felt the temperature of the sun. Spring is coming, I look out the window.

My roommate came back and said happily, "I heard that the person who occupies your bed is coming back, and you will move to the first floor. In the future, in September, you will move to the third dormitory with the new students."

My cousin Wang Gang told me, "Just live in the eighth dormitory, write your thesis and graduate quickly, don't waste time in school, work is the theme of life." I replied, "I don't know, who said that?"

室友說：“這不是明擺著的事麽！在祝老師那屋，我們討論你半天了；終於有了結論。你說什麽是好人？”

我想了又想，答不上來（注8.6-1）。

注8.6-1，什麽是好人？2006年我在Davroc 測試實驗室有限公司工作。老板桫欏（Sal Fasullo，參見9.5 《桫欏給我改性格》 ）對人說，“我研究盧岩兩年了，發現他是 ‘好人’。這種人才少見呢，全世界也許能有60個，我不知道。我公司裏能有一個，我感到榮幸。”

My roommate said, “Isn't it obvious! In Teacher Zhu's room, we've been discussing you for half a day; we've finally concluded. What do you call a good man?”

I thought and thought but couldn't answer (Note 8.6-1).

Note 8.6-1, “What is a Goodman?” In 2006, I was working at Davroc Test Labs Ltd. My boss, Sal Fasullo, (cf. v. 9.5 Sal Changes my Personality), said to us, “I've been studying Adam Luyan for two years, and I've found he is a Goodman. This kind of person is rare, there may be 60 of them in the whole world, I don't know. I'm honored to have one in my company.”

他感歎地說：“這世界上好人可不多，也許能有五個。我感到榮幸，能和好人住一個屋住了一年多，就是你！”

我想了想，自己什麽壞事都想幹，就是沒膽量幹，回答：“我沒感覺到自己是好人；我認為自己和其他人一樣。什麽是你說的好人？”

他沒回答我的問題，卻說：“我這種人，要是不親自告訴你，你一輩子也不會知道我能幹什麽！看在你曾經是好人的份上，我給你一塊免死金牌（義為死刑赦免令，如圖8.6），一輩子有效！但願你用不上喔！”

He exclaimed, “There aren't many Goodman in this world, maybe five. I feel honored to have lived in a house with a Goodman for over a year, and it's you!”

I thought about all the bad things I wanted to do, but just didn't have the guts to do them, and replied, “I don't feel like a good man; I think I'm just like everyone else. What is it you call a good man?”

He didn't answer my question, but said, “A man like me, if I don't tell you myself, you'll never know what I can do for the rest of your life! Since you were once a Goodman, I give you a Death-Free Golden Amulet (i.e., a pardon for the death penalty, see figs. 8.6), valid for the rest of your life! I hope you won't use it!”

我訝異地問：“你給我一塊免死金牌？”

他說：“人都隨著環境的改變而改變，很難說五年十年後，你會成為什麽樣的人。你自己琢磨著，快被判死刑了，就打電話找我。當你的電話打進了國務院，無論我接不接電話，你應該知道，你的命保住了。這麽跟你說，我的大學和研究生同學都是幹我們這一行的。即便我將來不在國務院了，這事我也能辦成。”

我懷疑地問：“你會這麽幫我？”

他說：“我們這行的人朋友少，因為怕被人求。我父母親戚都是農民，都沒什麽事。你的電話打進了我們的公司，接電話的人馬上就查你是什麽人，和我是什麽關係？事後，領導還會問我，盧岩那個事兒你是怎麽辦的？你給誰打電話了？怎麽說的？國務院可不允許隨隨便便向外打電話，都有記錄。如果我不幫忙，同事們會怎麽看我？研究生時的室友，他都不幫，是不是太沒人味兒了！”

I asked in surprise: "You're giving me a Death-Free Amulet?"

He said: "People change as the environment changes. It's hard to say what kind of person you will become in five or ten years. Think about it yourself. If you are about to be sentenced to death, call me. When your call reaches the State Council, whether I answer the call or not, you should know that your life is saved. Let me tell you, my college and graduate school classmates are all in our industry. Even if I am not in the State Council in the future, I can still do this."

I asked doubtfully, "Will you help me like this?"

He said: "People in our industry have few friends because we are afraid of being asked for help. My parents and relatives are all farmers and have no incident. When your phone call came into our company, the person who answered the phone immediately checked who you were and what your relationship was with me. Afterwards, the leader would also ask me, what did you do about Luyan? Who did you call? What did you say? The State Council does not allow casual calls to be made, and all records are kept. If I don't help, how will my colleagues look at me? He didn't even help his roommate when he was a graduate student. Isn't he too inhumane!"

我相信了。他說：“將來，不論什麽時候，你要找我，就到東大校友錄裏去找我的聯係方式。”

室友還說，若我犯了死罪，他會用自己的判斷來判決我，給我一次重新做人的機會，隻要別忘了給他打電話就行。他還說，隻要我不做虧心事，這輩子就沒事（注8.6-2）。

注8.6-2，由此說法可以看出，他清楚地知道這件事的後果。隨後，現實生活中，我常作虧心事，就在2010年墮入了地獄（即患上了精神病）。劉團長留給我的活路是做個 “好人”，100%不做任何虧心事。

I believed him. He said, "In the future, whenever you want to find me, just look for my contact information in the Northeastern University alumni directory."

My roommate also said that if I committed a capital crime, he would use his own judgment to sentence me and give me a chance to start a new life, if I didn't forget to call him. He also said that if I didn't do anything guilty, I would be fine in this life (Note 8.6-2).

Note 8.6-2, from this statement, we can see that he clearly knew the consequences of this affair. Later, in real life, I often do affairs that are against my conscience, and in 2010 I fell into hell (i.e. suffered from mental illness). The way out that Troupe Leader Liu left for me is to be a GOODMAN, 100% not do anything that is against my conscience.

祝老師也高興地過來了，看見我有些尷尬。他是個老實人，什麽事都寫在臉上。他說如果將來我要找他，就找他們那個期刊的編委，他一輩子都會在那個編委裏。

我迷惑地叨咕：“怎麽你們都像是跟我告別似的呢！我隻是換個屋住。即便是三舍，那樓也就在旁邊！”

隨後，王剛表姐來了，幫我搬家到了一樓，我剛來這樓時，住過的那個朝北的房間。我奇怪地問表姐：“出什麽事了嗎？你告訴我房間號不就行了！”

王剛回答：“沒事兒，我就是閑著沒事，來看看你的房間。下次我要找你，不就已經知道你在這兒了。”

Teacher Zhu also came over happily and was a little embarrassed to see me. He is an honest man; everything is written on his face. He said that if I wanted to look for him in the future, I should look for the editorial board of their journal, and that he would be on that board for the rest of his life.

I chattered in confusion, “Why do you all look like you're saying goodbye to me! I'm just changing a room. Even if it's the Third Dormitory, that building is right next to here!”

Later, my cousin Wang Gang came and helped me move to the first floor, the north-facing room I had lived in when I first came to this building. I asked my cousin curiously, "What happened? Can't you just tell me the room number?"

Wang Gang replied, "Nothing, I just had nothing to do and came to see your room. Next time I want to look for you, I'll already know you're here."

8.6-2

大約一個月後的一天，我在一樓的走廊裏遇見了祝老師，他表情嚴肅，若有所查，眼睛放著凶惡的光。我笑著向他打招呼。他沒笑，也沒像往常一樣，站正了才說話，說：“沒事，就是過來看看。” 我回屋後，感覺奇怪，“是他覺著對不起我才對，怎麽反過來了，他那麽恨我，像是我做錯事了！”

注8.6-3，現在想來，那時祝老師眼神的凶光是心理疾病的症狀。劉團長為此事病重了；祝老師像對父親一樣愛戴他，所以也病了，恨我。那我呢？也病得不輕，下一節就出現了多種精神病爆發的跡象。

About a month later, I met Teacher Zhu in the corridor on the first floor. He had a serious expression, as if he was investigating something, and his eyes were gleaming with ferocity. I smiled and greeted him. He didn't smile, nor did he stand straight before speaking as usual. He said, "Nothing, I just came to see you." After I went back to my room, I felt strange, "He should feel sorry for me, how could it be the other way around? He hates me so much, as if I did something wrong!"

Note 8.6-3, now I think about it, the fierce look in Teacher Zhu's eyes was a symptom of mental illness. Troupe Leader Liu became seriously ill because of this incident; Teacher Zhu loved him like a father, so he also became ill and hated me. What about me? I was also seriously ill; in the next section, there were signs of multiple mental illness outbreaks.

 

8.7 出故事的人 The Person Who Produces Stories

1997年5月，王玉山大舅和沈陽大學基建處的同事梅書華，給我介紹了另一個女朋友。她是沈陽醫科大學畢業的，在沈陽婦嬰醫院工作過兩年，那時她是中國醫科大學的研究生。

一天，我在給她講我小時在她們醫大附屬醫院經曆過的事。一個軍官暈針，小護士被嚇著了。這時，護士長在用我做範例，教她打針，給她舒緩恐懼。

護士長說：“打針的時候，要把病人的眼睛蒙起來。這孩子沒事兒，我就不蒙了。”

In May 1997, my uncle Yushan Wang and his colleague Shuhua Mei from the Infrastructure Department of Shenyang University introduced me to another girlfriend. She graduated from Shenyang Medical University and worked in Shenyang Women and Children's Hospital for two years. At that time, she was a postgraduate student at China Medical University.

One day, I was telling her about my experiences when I was a child in the affiliated hospital of their medical university. A military officer was fainting from the needle and the young nurse was terrified. At this point, the head nurse was using me as an example to teach her about needles and soothe her fears.

The head nurse said, “When you give an injection, blindfold the patient. This child is fine, so I won't blindfold him.”

小護士驚訝地說：“他還是孩子！？”       

護士長說：“你看，你沒看病誌。他長得大，才十五歲；我們都認識他。前年他剛來咱醫院的時候，比這矮多了，那幾個人還研究他，說這兒看見他了，那兒也看見他了，他看啥啥新鮮，走到哪兒就研究哪兒。那幾個人商量後，就去向我報告：‘咱這兒來賊了’。我出來一看病誌，一個十三歲的農村孩子，自個兒來城裏探索新世界來了，不那樣啥樣啊！那幾個人誰也沒看病誌，不知道她們在研究個啥。你得看病誌，心中有數才行。”

The young nurse was surprised and said, “He's still a child!?” 

The head nurse said, “Look, you didn't read the medical records. He's big for his age, only fifteen; we all know him. The year before last, when he first came to our hospital, he was much shorter than this, and those people even studied him, saying that they saw him here and there, and that he looked at everything fresh and studied everywhere he went. After discussing the matter, they went to report to me: 'We have a thief here'. I came out to look at the medical records, a thirteen-year-old rural child, came to the city to explore the new world, not that what kind of ah! None of them had read the medical records, so I didn't know what they were studying. You must read the medical records and know what's going on.”

前女友問我：“你認識她們？”

我回答：“她說她們認識我。我不認識她們，一個也不認識。那時候，我每年都有兩個月去你們醫科大學附屬醫院打針，兩星期一次。”

前女友說：“我知道了，因為你的眼睛（注，肉眼通的原因，參見第3章），你的眼睛是那種小時候做出來的。”

我不明白，就問：“我的眼睛從小就有些毛病。怎麽做的？（注，參見3.1節）”

前女友說：“不是毛病。你也不知道！你沒有娃娃親？（注，我忘了，參見第一章）”

我回答：“沒聽我父母說過；沒人知道我的眼睛是怎麽回事。我的眼睛怎麽了？”

The ex-girlfriend asked me, “Do you know them?”

I replied, “She said they knew me. I didn't know them, not one of them. In those days, I went to your medical university affiliated hospital for injections two months out of the year, once every two weeks.”

The ex-girlfriend said, “I know, because of your eyes (note, because of my Non-dazzling Eyes, see chapter 3), your eyes were kind of made when you were a kid.”

I didn't understand, so I asked, “I've had some problems with my eyes since I was a kid. How was it made? (Note, see Section 3.1)”

The ex-girlfriend said, "It's not a problem. You don't know! You didn't have a childhood marriage? (Note, I forgot, see chapter 1)"

I replied, "I haven't heard my parents say it; no one knows what's wrong with my eyes. What's about my eyes?"

前女友說：“沒錯，我以前在一本書上讀到過，我當時看書的時候沒太注意，現在找不著那本書了。我也不知道是怎麽做的。你在人群中就引人注目，人人都能看見你，還有想法，所以那幾個人把你當成賊了。她們每次看見你，都注意到了你，所以她們都認識你。那書上說，你這種人有說道，出故事。一類主流傳說故事中的30%是出於你這種人。”

我問：“有啥說道？出啥故事？”

前女友說：“我也不明白，隻是在那書上看見了這種說法。你接著說，那個護士長人挺好；她還說什麽了？”

The ex-girlfriend said, “Yes, I read that in a book before, I wasn't paying much attention when I was reading it, and now I can't find the book. I don't know how it's done. You stand out in a crowd, everyone sees you, and has thoughts, so those nurses took you for a thief. Every time they saw you, they noticed you, so they all knew you. That book says that people like you have sayings and come up with stories. Thirty percent of a class of mainstream legendary stories are out of people like you.”

I asked, “What's the sayings? What's the stories?”

The ex-girlfriend said, “I don't understand it either, I just saw it in that book. You go on to say that the head nurse was quite nice; what else did she say?”

8.7-2 心病初發 Initial Onset of My Psychosis

我說：“護士長說，‘還有，任何情況下，你都不能讓病人照顧病人。你害怕了，人家也害怕呀！這孩子看起來沒事。前年，咱這兒發生了和這次類似的事，那孩子比他現在小點兒。人家父母就不願意了，告咱們，說他們那孩子回家後半夜驚夢，朝咱們要三十萬。現在那案子還在法庭上放著呢！’”

I said: "The head nurse said, 'Also, under no circumstances should you let patients take care of patients. If you are afraid, so are they! The child looks fine. Two years ago, a similar incident happened here, but the child was a little younger than he is now. The parents were not happy about it and sued us, saying that their child woke up in the middle of the night after returning home and asked us for 300,000 yuan. The case is still in court now!'"

我接著說：“我是個見錢眼開的人，回家就把這事告訴我爸了：這回咱訛詐她們醫科大學附屬醫院三十萬。”

前女友問：“你爸說啥？”

I continued, "I am a money-grubber. I told my dad about this when I got home: This time we extorted 300,000 yuan from the affiliated hospital of China Medical University."

The ex-girlfriend asked, "What did your dad say?"

我說：“我爸說，這種官司難打。為了得到那三十萬，你得請律師，精神科專家，賄賂醫大醫院的院長、校長、法官，等幾個人。賄賂的錢先給人家15萬。錢給人家了，過些日子，他們還要，你不給就拿不到那三十萬，賠了15萬。你給，官司贏了你也得虧五萬；輸了你就淨賠。結果，錢都跑醫大校長腰包裏去了。這事，正常人一看就知道是在騙錢呢！為啥你盧岩能看出賺三十萬呢？就因為你的眼睛裏沒壞人（注，這就是上文那個國務院警察室友說我是好人的原因）！奸人遇到你，要是不拿你的倒挺，他是對天犯罪。我發過誓要告訴你這話100遍吧！這是多少遍了！？’”

I said, "My dad said that this kind of lawsuit is difficult to win. To get the 300,000 yuan, you must hire a lawyer, a psychiatrist, and bribe the dean, president, judge, and other people of the Medical University Hospital. Give them 150,000 yuan as bribes first. After giving them the money, they will ask for more after a few days. If you don't give it, you won't get the 300,000 yuan, and you will lose 150,000 yuan. If you give it, you will lose 50,000 yuan even if you win the lawsuit; if you lose, you will lose all. In the end, all the money went into the pocket of the president of the Medical University. In this matter, any normal person can see that it is a scam! Why can you, Luyan, see that you can make 300,000 yuan? It's because there are no bad people in your eyes (note, this is why the roommate of the State Council police said that I am a Goodman)! If a villain meets you and doesn't take advantage of you, he is committing a crime against God. I swear to tell you this 100 times! How many times is this!?'"

前女友沒在聽我講，她若有所思地叨咕：“你不傻！”

我當時就興奮了，質問：“怎麽說出這話來了呢？”

前女友不好意思地說：“啊！她們告訴我，你看上去有點兒傻，讓我注意觀察觀察你。”

在這時，我的聲音變成了不同人（不同頻率）的聲音，語速特別快，思維極其敏捷。她的話還沒說完，我就問：“誰們？誰說我傻？”

The ex-girlfriend wasn't listening to me as she chattered thoughtfully, “You're not dumb!”

I was turned on and questioned, “How did you say that?”

Embarrassed, the ex-girlfriend said, “Ah! They told me you looked a little silly and told me to keep an eye on you and watch you.”

At this point in the conversation, my voice became that of a different person (of a different frequency), speaking extraordinarily fast and thinking extremely fast. Before she could finish her sentence, I asked, “Who guys? Who called me a dumb?”

前女友說：“咱第一次見麵時，我媽和梅姨說，‘你看起來像似有點傻’。”

幾句話後，她的臉色變了，站起來走到了窗邊。

過了一會兒，我感覺很疲倦（注，我個人的觀點，這是性格的突然轉換引起的）。若是她不在，我可能就睡了，但我仍然堅持著坐在那裏，不說話了。她板著臉，在寢室裏來回走個不停，忽然問我：“你是不是累了？”

The ex-girlfriend said, “When we first met, my mom and Aunt Mei said, ‘You look like you might be a little silly.’”

A few sentences later, her face changed, she stood up and walked to the window.

After a while, I felt tired (note, my opinion, this was caused by the sudden change of personality). If she wasn't there, I might have gone to sleep, but I still insisted on sitting there without speaking. With a stern face, she walked back and forth in the dormitory and suddenly asked me, “Are you tired?”

我回答：“我感覺有點兒困倦，你能不能別走來走去的了，怎麽又生氣了呢！我不是在逗你玩呢麽！”

前女友問：“你沒發覺剛才有異樣嗎？”

我回答：“發現了，我發現剛才忽然變得聰明了。我還是第一次發現我有個聰明的特質；怎麽才能開發出來呢？”

前女友說：“你那是精神病發作啦！應該說是比發作輕，比發作跡象重。不過，是有人受了刺激後變得聰明了。”

我生氣地說：“你才瘋了呢！你們醫學院的怎麽都總想送人去醫院呢！”

I replied, “I'm feeling a little sleepy, can you stop walking around, why are you angry again! I'm teasing you!”

The ex-girlfriend asks, “Didn't you notice anything different just now?”

I replied, “I've discovered that I've suddenly become intelligent just now. It's the first time I've realized I have a smart trait; how can I develop it?”

The ex-girlfriend said, “You're having a psychotic episode! It should be said that it is milder than the seizure and heavier than the seizure signs. However, some people became smarter after being stimulated.”

I got angry and said, “You're the one who's crazy! Why do all of you in medical school always want to send people to the hospital!”

過了一會兒，我相信了一些她說的話。她詳細地詢問了我的個人曆史，得出結論，是在劉健君那兒受到了刺激。

前女友說：“我確信，就是劉健君給刺激的。她們那個班的人特別刺激人，就因為談戀愛的事，我們聽說從他們那兒受到刺激的人可不是一個兩個了。就這麽巧合，剛才咱們的話題環境和語言都是直接刺激。那你現在想想劉健君，感覺怎麽樣？”

我回答：“我一想她，就像似忘記了呼吸，上不來氣兒（注2），就懶得動了。這與受刺激有關嗎？”

前女友說：“當然相關，都刺激到自主神經了。我就想不出來，怎麽刺激得這麽深！是不是她故意整你？”

After a while, I believed some of what she said. She asked about my personal history in detail and concluded that I was stimulated by Eve Liu.

The ex-girlfriend said, "I'm sure it was Eve Liu who stimulated them. The people in their class are particularly stimulating. We heard that more than one or two people were stimulated by them because of their love affairs. It's just a coincidence that our topic environment and language just now were directly stimulating. Now think about Eve Liu, how do you feel?"

I answered: "When I think of her, it's like I forget to breathe, I can't catch my breath (note 2), and I'm too lazy to move. Is this related to the stimulation?"

The ex-girlfriend said: "Of course it is related, it stimulates the autonomic nerves. I can't figure out why it is so deeply stimulated! Did she deliberately do it to you?"

注8.7-2，這是被玉女劉建君（女神）創傷後患有呼吸障礙的症狀。插圖8.7.2-1是古埃及的浮雕。夏娃（即玉女）的頭頂顯示，他用蜣螂（亦作腐屍蟲）擊垮了獅子。獅子代表亞當。蜣螂代表亞當被夏娃創傷後，患了胃腸潰瘍。圖中獅子被裝進了代表瓶子的密封容器表示亞當被夏娃創傷後，患有呼吸障礙。

插圖8.7.2-2和3是古墨西哥被翠玉女創傷後的特拉洛克。圖2中用一隻手捂住了他的鼻子表示他患有呼吸障礙。圖3中古墨西哥人用繃帶纏繞特拉洛克的鼻子和鼻子上有帶棱角的碎片來表示他患有呼吸障礙。

插圖4和5是安拉造的亞當（須彌顱）和夏娃（苦芭芭），表示金童須彌顱被玉女苦芭芭創傷後患有呼吸障礙，最終屈服於苦芭芭。圖5中獅子代表亞當（須彌顱）。

Note 8.7-2, which is a symptom of being traumatized by the Jade Girl Eve Liu (Goddess) and suffering from a respiratory disorder. Illustration 8.7.2-1 is a relief from ancient Egypt. The top of Eve's (i.e., Jade Girl’s) head is shown as she crushes the lion with a dung beetle (also known as a carrion beetle). The lion represents Adam. The dung beetle represents the gastrointestinal ulcer that Adam developed after being traumatized by Eve. The lion is shown in a sealed container representing a bottle indicating that Adam suffered from a breathing disorder after being traumatized by Eve.

Illustrations 8.7.2-2 and 3 show Tlaloc in ancient Mexico after being traumatized by Chalchiuhtlicue (Jade Girl, Eve). In Figure 2, a hand is covering his nose to indicate that he has a breathing disorder. In Figure 3, the bandages wrapped around Tlaloc's nose by the ancient Mexicans and the angular fragments on his nose indicate that he has a breathing disorder.

Illustrations 4 and 5 show Adam (Sumeru) and Eve (Kubaba) created by Allah, indicating that the golden boy Sumeru suffered from respiratory problems after being traumatized by the jade girl Kubaba, and finally succumbed to Kubaba. The lion in Figure 5 represents Adam (Sumeru).

8.7-3 心病的治療 Treatment of Psychosis

我回答：“不可能吧！以前我不認識她，就見三、四次，她整我幹嘛！”

前女友說：“咱倆是一樣的人，她可不是。她算計一會兒得出的結論，咱們幾個人一起算計三天都未必能算計出來。她們那個班的人，那才厲害呢！不過我也認為，你說的有道理。現在最好的辦法就是你和她重新成為朋友。婚姻不成不是問題。即便你再喜歡她，她對你沒什麽感覺，不得病。問題是你們倆的事還沒完。你得主動聯係她，能保持朋友關係你就沒事。什麽時候見麵了，聊聊；日子久了，敘敘舊；什麽時候，你的這個心結就化了。”

我回答：“我和她沒關係了，沒話說。”

I replied, “No way! I didn't know her before, I only saw her three or four times, why would she fix me!”

The ex-girlfriend said, “We are the same person, she is not. What she can figure out in a few moments, a few of us can't even figure out in three days. The people in her class are the best! But I also think you have a point. The best affair to do now is for you and her to become friends again. Marriage not being a problem. Even if you like her very much, but she doesn't feel anything for you, you wouldn’t be sick. The problem is that it's not over between the two of you. You need to reach out to her, and you'll be fine if you can stay friends. Whenever you see each other, talk; when the days are long, catch up; eventually, this knot in your heart melts away.”

I replied, “I have nothing to say to her anymore.”

前女友說：“那我聯係她，我把我看到的如實告訴她。我們學醫的和你們工科的人不一樣；在這方麵，我們都能理解，而且都有醫德。她能懂得如何做。然後，你聯係她，保持朋友關係。”

我回答：“我不是那樣兒的人，用不著你幫忙。”

這個女友在離開前說：“有幾句話我想讓你知道，看以後忘了。精神病跟別的病不同，能引發許多疾病。那些病哪個也治不好，活著沒幸福，想活也不會長壽。假如將來，五年、十年後，你的精神病發育成熟了，爆發了，你要注意兩點，一，別到醫院看醫生，如果你信了他們的話，你就死定了。”

我問：“這怎麽是第一條？醫院的醫生都不懂精神病嗎？”

My ex-girlfriend said, “Then I'll contact her, and I'll tell her truthfully what I saw. We medical students are not like you guys in engineering, we can all understand and have medical ethics in this regard. She can know what to do. Then, you contact her and stay friends.”

I replied, “I am not like that, I don't need your help.”

This girlfriend said before she left, “There are a few things I want you to know, see to it that you forget them later. Mental illness is different from other illnesses, it can cause many diseases. None of those diseases can be cured. There is no happiness in living, and you won't live long even if you want to. If in the future, five or ten years from now, your mental illness develops and breaks out, you must pay attention to two things, one, don't go to the hospital to see a doctor, if you believe what they say, you'll be dead.”

I asked, “How is that number one? Don't hospital doctors know anything about psychosis?”

前女友說：“因為如果你信了醫生的話，第二條再好也沒用了。醫院精神科的醫生，90%不懂精神病。因為不懂才去看醫生，你分別不出誰說的對，誰說得不對。而且，即便是你遇到了懂精神病的醫生，他也不會告訴你正確的治療方法，因為他們是少數派，說真話會被告上法庭，送進監獄的。我是個精神病的愛好者，就因為這個，我沒辦法當精神科的醫生。自古以來，精神病行業就是地獄。第二條就是你誰的話也別聽，自己買書看。我說的這點兒道理，一般的心理學書如果提到了精神病，就講這個。到那時候，你讀十本世界著名專家的書，得出一個結論：就是我剛才給你說過的。先找引起精神病的創傷，剛才已經找到了。你的創傷就是和劉健君有矛盾。解決辦法就是找她好好談，相互諒解，和解。到那時候，方法還是這個；她讓你跪下，你就給她跪下。你可別忘了劉健君，忘了就沒救了。”

The ex-girlfriend said, “Because if you believe the doctor, the second one can't be any better. 90% of psychiatrists in hospitals don't understand mental illness. If you go to a doctor because you don't understand, you can't tell who's right and who's wrong. And, even if you meet a doctor who understands psychiatry, he won't tell you the right treatment because they are in the minority and telling the truth will get sued and sent to jail. I'm a fan of psychiatry, and because of that, there's no way I can be a psychiatrist. The psychiatric profession has been hell since the beginning of time. The second rule is that you don't listen to anyone and buy your own books. The point I'm making, the average psychology book if it mentions psychosis, it talks about it. At that point, you read ten books by world-renowned experts and come to one conclusion: it's what I just told you. First look for the trauma that causes psychosis, and we have just found it. Your trauma is having a conflict with Eve Liu. The solution is to find her and have a good talk, mutual understanding and reconciliation. At that point, the method is still the same; if she tells you to kneel, you kneel for her. You mustn't forget about Eve Liu; if you do, you're hopeless.”

 

8.8 鬧鬼了 It's Haunted

1997年9月，我隨著1997年新研究生的入學，住進了東北大學第三宿舍。五個室友，李國輝是應屆本科上來的，是研究生學生會的主席，其他人都是工作了幾年後回來讀研究生的。我在忙著作畢業論文，沒注意到其他人在議論和戒備我。

一天晚上在宿舍裏，我叨咕：“我發現你們對我很照顧，弄得我很不自在。你們幹嘛對我這麽客氣？我又不是小孩兒，用不著！”

李文華小聲叨咕：“你發現啦！那你怎麽還不知道呢！我給你提個醒，那個大姐（注1）。”

注8.8-1，他說的大姐是指7.9節中的畢姐。本節談的是前文劉團長三次調查我，和我的不眩眼所產生的後果。不眩眼，亦作觸目，在佛教中被稱作肉眼通（參見第3章）。

In September 1997, I moved into the third dormitory of Northeastern University along with the new graduate students of 1997. Among my five roommates, Guohui Li was a freshman and the president of the Graduate Student Union. The others were all returning to graduate school after working for a few years. I was busy writing my graduation thesis and didn't notice that others were talking about me and were wary of me.

One night in the dormitory, I muttered: "I found that you took good care of me, which made me feel uncomfortable. Why are you so polite to me? I'm not a child, so I don't need to be polite!"

Wenhua Li muttered in a low voice: "You found out! Then why didn't you know it? Let me remind you, that big sister (Note 1)."

Note 8.8-1, the big sister he mentioned is Sister Bi in Section 7.9. This section discusses the consequences of the three investigations of me by Troupe Leader Liu in the previous articles and my Non-Dazzling Eyes. The “non-dazzling eyes” are also called “Touching Eyes”, which is called “Flesh Eye Through” in Buddhism (see Chapter 3).

我愣住了，“大姐！” 瞪著眼睛看著他，問：“什麽大姐？你說什麽呢？”

他笑嘻嘻地說：“哎呀！你看我這嘴！該打！” 說著，他打自己的臉。

我看著他打自己，糊塗了，問：“你幹嘛呢！”

他本來停住了，聽見我說話後，開始一邊說：“你看我這嘴，該打！” 一邊更用力地打自己的臉。

I was stunned, "Big sister!" I stared at him and asked, "What big sister? What are you talking about?"

He smiled and said, "Oh! Look at my mouth! I deserve a beating!" Then he hit himself in the face.

I watched him beat himself, confused, and asked, “What are you doing!”

He had stopped and when he heard me, he started to say while saying, “Look at my mouth, I deserve to be hit!” While hitting himself harder in the face.

我趕忙跑過去，抓住了他的手，問：“你怎麽啦？”

住我對麵床的季倩倩對他說：“李文華！你這個玩笑可開大啦！你不是在準備去洗頭發嗎！”

李文華慌忙地說：“開玩笑呢，不好意思！這個玩笑可開大了！我去洗頭發了！” 他出去了。

我對季倩倩說：“他怎麽了？我怎麽感覺害怕呢！我得去看看他！”

季倩倩對我大喊：“你不能去！”

I rushed over, grabbed his hand, and asked, "What's wrong with you?"

Qianqian Ji, who lived in the bed opposite me, said to him, "Wenhua Li! You're joking too big! Aren't you going to wash your hair?"

Wenhua Li said hurriedly, "I was just joking. Sorry! This is too big a joke! I'm going to wash my hair!" He went out.

I said to Qianqian Ji, “What's wrong with him? Why do I feel scared! I must go see him!”

Ji Qianqian yelled at me, “You can't go!”

我出去後回來了，走向他，問：“我怎麽不能去？” 季倩倩站了起來，滿臉通紅地走向我（要打我）。

我上鋪的馬鋼突然大喊：“住手！” 他從床上蹦了下來；又對我說：“他受過刺激！”

我明白了：“哎呀！” 問：“這可怎麽辦？那剛才，他怎麽受刺激了呢？”

馬鋼說：“他剛才先是開玩笑來著。你過去，把他給嚇著了。”

我說：“我也不知道哇！這可怎麽辦？”

I went out and came back, walked towards him and asked, “Why can't I go?” Qianqian Ji stood up and walked towards me with a red face (to hit me).

Ma Gang, who was on my bunk, suddenly yelled, “Stop!” He jumped off the bed; and said to me again, “He's been stimulated!”

I realized, “Oops!” Asked, “What can we do? Then just now, how did he get stimulated?”

Ma Gang said, “He was joking first just now. You went over and scared him.”

I said, “I don't know! What can we do?”

馬鋼說：“他是你介紹來的，你還不知道！他一來，我們就發現了。沒事，他不嚴重！你去水房看看他吧，別靠近他，站在走廊裏說話。”

我出去後想起剛才發生的事，又回來了。馬鋼正對季倩倩說：“盧岩什麽都不知道；他的眼睛不一樣。”

我說：“剛才，我聽見你喊‘住手’；好像季倩倩要打我！什麽我不知道？”

馬鋼說：“誰要打你來著！別瞎說了！我們說的事，你確實不知道！你還是去看他吧！”

Ma Gang said, “He was introduced by you, you don't know it yet!? We found out as soon as he arrived. It's all right, he's not serious! Why don't you go to the water room and check on him, don't go near him, stand in the corridor and talk.”

I went out and came back in remembering what had just happened. Ma Gang was telling Qianqian Ji, “Luyan doesn't know anything; his eyes are different.”

I said, “Just now, I heard you yell ‘stop’; as if Qianqian Ji was going to hit me! What don’t I know?”

Ma Gang said, “Who's going to hit you! Don't talk nonsense! You really don't know what we're talking about! You'd better go and see him!”

我站在走廊裏和李文華說話。他說：“我沒事！你進來吧！這次，我可丟人了！不好意思！” 我陪他嘮了一會兒，回到寢室。

李國輝和他們倆滿臉嚴肅地討論著，看我回來了，說：“我們研究決定了：咱們都剛認識，彼此不了解，都不要過問別人的事；有什麽事，等以後互相熟悉了再說。”

我覺得奇怪。

I was standing in the hallway talking to Wenhua Li. He said, “I'm fine! You come in! This time, I'm humiliated! Sorry!” I chatted with him for a while and returned to the dormitory.

Guohui Li and the two of them were full of serious discussion, see I came back, said: “We have studied and decided: we have just met, do not understand each other, do not ask about other people's business; what is the matter, wait until later familiar with each other.”

I felt strange.

8.8-2

兩周後的一天，他們告訴我，寢室裏的警報解除了，要開慶祝會。我回答：“我才想起來，一個多月了，你們幾個一起對付我，整地我像似活見鬼了似的！到底是為了什麽？”

李文華笑著對他們說：“他還活見鬼了！” 李國輝說：“沒事，我們跟你解釋什麽！誰能把沒事解釋清楚。”

季倩倩對我說：“實際也真是咱這屋鬧鬼了！”

室友們後來告訴我的。李國輝對室友們說了，我被太原街的大姐看上了，是來東北大學避難的。他們想：沒聽說過黑社會的老大還有女的，不過男女都一樣。他們觀察我，當然被我的不眩眼（參見第3章）反射了回去，證實了他們的觀察，被嚇壞了。

隨後，我發現並認為這些謠言是前文祝老師故意製造的，被氣得發暈。

One day, two weeks later, they told me that the alarm in the dormitory had been lifted and that they were going to have a celebration. I replied, “I just remembered, it's been over a month, and you guys have been working together against me, and the whole thing seems like I'm seeing living ghosts! What the hell is it about?”

Wenhua Li laughed at them and said, “He's seeing ghosts!” Guohui Li said, “It's alright, we have nothing to explain to you! Who can explain nothing clearly.”

Qianqian Ji said to me: "In fact, our room was really haunted!"

The roommates told me later. Guohui Li told my roommates that I was spotted by a big sister from Taiyuan Street and came to Northeastern University to seek refuge. They thought they have never heard of a female gang leader, but it is the same for men and women. They observed me, and of course my non-dazzling eyes (cf. Chapter 3) reflected, confirming their observations, and they were scared.

Later, I found out and thought that these rumors were deliberately created by Teacher Zhu in the previous articles, I was so angry that I fainted.

 

8.9 給色狼戴上墨鏡 Putting Sunglasses on the Lusty Wolf

幾周後的一天，寢室的人都在，忽然李國輝走到寢室中央，大聲說：“大家注意了，啊！今天主席有個提議！我發現一隻色狼混進咱們寢室了，老是對我圖謀不軌。以前，他看我，我害怕，因為他是黑社會的。現在，他看我一眼，我全身就麻秫秫的一次；看我一眼，我就麻秫秫的一次。我是個男的，他就這樣！這要是誰帶女朋友來咱寢室，讓他看一眼，那！那女生是什麽感覺呀！我真想像不出來，所以我提議，咱們寢室，盧岩除外，其他人，每人都交錢來買一副墨鏡。咱再定一個室規：誰帶女朋友來，進屋之前，先告訴他戴上墨鏡。”

注8.9-1，本小節談的是不同情況下，不同的人看見肉眼通的眼睛（又名不眩眼，如圖8.9-2，觸目如圖3，參見第3章）的反應。

A few weeks later, when everyone in the dormitory was there, Guohui Li suddenly walked to the center of the dormitory and said loudly, "Everyone, pay attention! Today, the chairman has a suggestion! I found a lusty wolf who sneaked into our dormitory and always plotted against me. In the past, I was afraid when he looked at me because he was a gangster. Now, every time he looks at me, my whole body goes numb. Every time he looks at me, I go numb. I'm a man, and he is like this! If someone brings a girlfriend to our dormitory and lets him look, then! How will the girl feel! I really can't imagine it, so I suggest that everyone in our dormitory, except Luyan, pay to buy a pair of sunglasses. Let's set a room rule: Whoever brings a girlfriend, tell him to put on sunglasses before entering the room."

Note 8.9-1, this section discusses the reactions of different people to the flesh eye through (also known as non-dazzling eyes, as shown in Figure 8.9-2, and Touching Eyes as shown in Figure 3, see Chapter 3) under different circumstances.

季倩倩立刻反駁說：“我不同意！人家盧岩，每天從早到晚，總是對我含情脈脈，暗送秋波，我心裏感覺可舒服了！要是咱們一起給他買付墨鏡，那他還不美起來了！一天到晚，總戴著！那我上哪兒還有這感覺去了！”

我聽了感覺不舒服，反駁道：“我都沒注意到我看了你；你是不是太自作多情了！”

季倩倩說：“哎呀呀! 這我們早就琢磨明白了！”

李國輝憤憤地說：“主席說話你也敢不聽！等你女朋友來了，讓他看了也是這感覺，就跟你黃！那時候你就該不舒服了！盧岩比你長得好看，你自己還不知道啊！”

我上鋪的馬鋼坐起來了，說：“我才知道，上個月的事，我受害最大！我都在做噩夢了！有兩次盧岩不在的時候，我去翻了他的床，找刀。我真害怕，他半夜睡睡地就發狂了，拔出刀來就向上紮我！”

Qianqian Ji immediately retorted: “I do not agree! People Luyan, every day from morning to night, always to me imploring, secret glances, I feel very comfortable and enjoyed in my heart! If we buy him a pair of sunglasses together, then he would become arrogant! Wears them all day long! Where else would I feel this way again!?”

I felt uncomfortable and retorted, “I didn't even notice that I was looking at you; you're too self-centered, aren't you?”

Qianqian Ji said: "Oh my! We have already figured this out!"

Guohui Li said angrily: "How dare you disobey the Chairman! When your girlfriend comes, she will feel the same way when she is looked by him, and she will break up with you! You wouldn’t be comfortable anymore then! Luyan is better look than you, don't you know it yourself!"

Ma Gang, who was on the upper bunk, sat up and said, "I just realized that I was the biggest victim of last month's incident! I had been having nightmares! Twice when Luyan was not around, I turned over his bed to look for a knife. I was so scared that he might go crazy in the middle of the night and pull out a knife to stab me!"

8.9-2 備用女婿 Reserved Son-in-Law

同學們沒結婚的，都開始談戀愛了。一天，我對季倩倩說：“你們就沒有多餘的女朋友？也給我介紹一個，讓我在周末也有點兒事幹！”

他笑著回答：“這事兒是你師母的工作。咱們在東大人生地不熟的，誰了解誰呀！你導師要是不跟人說，別人沒人敢介紹。”

我覺著他說的有道理。

Classmates who were not married started dating. One day, I said to Qianqian Ji: "Don't you have any extra girlfriends? Introduce one to me, so that I can have something to do on weekends!"

He smiled and replied: "This is the job of your Teacher Mother (i.e., my adviser’s wife). We are all strangers in Northeastern University, people do not know each other! If your adviser doesn't tell others, no one will dare to introduce you."

I think what he said makes sense.

一天晚上我遇見我的導師了，請他給我介紹女朋友。他一聽就說：“這可邪了！你居然沒有女朋友。” 我和他坐在路邊聊了起來。他說：“你師母看見你就喜歡上你了，六、七個月前，讓我跟你說給你介紹女朋友。我不同意。就因為這事，我們倆半年沒怎麽說話了。今天她又跟我找茬，我就躲出來了，遇見了你，你又跟我說這個。”

我說：“你都這麽大歲數了，還因為這點兒事吵個沒完！”

他立刻發火了：“我這麽大歲數也有個臉呐！我輸誰也不能輸給她。”

One evening I met my adviser and asked him to introduce me to a girlfriend. He said, "This is weird! You don't have a girlfriend." We sat on the side of the road and started chatting. He said, "Your teacher mother likes you when she saw you six or seven months ago. She asked me to introduce you to a girlfriend. I disagreed. Because of this, we haven't talked much for half a year. Today she picked a fight with me again, I hid away, so I met you, you told me this again."

I said, "You are so old, and you are still quarreling over such a small matter!"

He immediately got angry: "I have dignity at my age! I can lose to anyone but not to her."

我說：“賭這個氣，可真沒必要。那你為什麽不同意給我介紹呢？”

他問：“你那個什麽大姐是怎麽回事！”

我聽不懂，問：“什麽大姐? 我不明白你說什麽呢！”

他說：“我也不明白。我這人不愛聽閑話。可這一年多了，到處都在議論你（注，如前文所說，祝老師調查了我三次）。我沒聽明白是怎麽回事，但我聽說了就不能裝作沒聽見。要是別人通過我給你介紹個女朋友，事後人家姑娘被嚇著了，那我可有責任。我這麽大歲數了，能不明白這個麽。這可不是小事！這是大事！”

I said, “There's really no point in betting on that. Then why didn't you agree to introduce me?”

He asked, “What's with that big sister of yours!”

I couldn't understand and asked, “What big sister? I don't understand what you're saying!”

He said, “I don't understand it either. I'm a person who doesn't like to listen to gossip. But it's been more than a year now, and you've been talked about everywhere (Note, as mentioned earlier, Teacher Zhu investigated me three times). I don't understand what's going on, but I can't pretend I didn't hear it after I heard it. If someone introduces you to a girlfriend through me, and the girl is frightened afterwards, I'll be responsible. I'm too old not to understand this. This is not a small matter! It's a big deal!”

我聽了覺得有道理。最後他說：“你這事在東北大學是不行了。不過你別著急，你的條件不錯，畢業到了新地方就沒人知道了，機會多的是！”

隨後，我想明白了，這是劉團長和祝老師（我和劉健君的介紹人）在故意壞我，把我為劉健君作為備用女婿保存起來了，被氣得發暈。我去找了祝老師兩次，沒找到。我放棄了，認為和他吵架並不解決什麽問題，我的名譽在東北大學是沒辦法改變了。

這件是對我的影響很大，在和平房產局和東北大學，少有人給我介紹女朋友，都是因為所謂的黑社會。我害怕將來到了新的工作單位，還會有類似的現象，害怕再落入劉團長的圈套，把我為劉健君保存起來，就不願意找國家企事業單位的工作。那時我認為私人企業的人不會被劉團長操縱，就隻在民營和外國企業中找工作。

It made sense to me. Finally, he said, “This is not going to work for you at Northeastern University. But don't worry, you're in good shape, no one will know when you graduate to a new place, there are plenty of opportunities!”

Subsequently, I figured out that it was Troupe Leader Liu and Teacher Zhu (the matchmaker of Eve Liu and I) who were deliberately badgering me, saving me for Eve Liu as a spare son-in-law, and was furious and fuming. I went to look for Teacher Zhu twice and couldn't find him. I gave up, figuring that arguing with him wasn't going to solve anything, and that there was no way to change my reputation at Northeastern University.

This incident had a great impact on me. At the Heping Housekeeping Bureau and Northeastern University, few people introduced me to girlfriends because of the so-called Black Society. I was afraid that similar phenomena would happen again when I went to a new workplace in the future. I was afraid that I would fall into the trap of Troupe Leader Liu and be saved for Eve Liu. So, I was unwilling to look for a job in a state-owned enterprise or institution. At that time, I thought that people in private enterprises would not be manipulated by Troupe Leader Liu, so I only looked for jobs in private and foreign enterprises.

 

8.10 科學家的特質 Traits of a Scientist

一九九八年春，在我的論文答辯會上，評委們吵起來了，還有一個教過我的女教授哭了。接著他們討論我的論文是不是抄來的。幾個教過我的說，沒見過。院長說：“這還得問導師！”

我的導師黃本和說：“他原來的底稿有一寸多厚，一百來個新公式。我告訴他，挑有把握的說，簡練些，用不著寫那麽多。他挑了十來個公式，論文就變成這樣了。”

院長說：“啊！你幫著改的。”

我導師轉過身了：“我幹那個幹嘛！我就改了些錯別字。”

院長笑咧咧地說：“還有錯別字！”

In the spring of 1998, at my dissertation defense, the judges got into a fight and a female professor who had taught me cried. Then they discussed whether my thesis had been copied. Several of those who had taught me said they had never seen it. The dean said: "The thing, we have to ask his advisor!”

My advisor Benhe Huang said: "His original draft was over an inch thick, with a hundred or so new formulas. I told him to pick the ones he was sure of, to be concise, not to write so many. He picked about ten formulas, and the paper turned out like this."

The dean said: "Ah! You helped change it."

My advisor turned around: "What did I do that for! I just corrected some typos."

The dean grinned and said: "And typos!"

我導師和院長吵起來了，砸桌子後，走了。一個老師告訴我，快去拽他回來！答辯會，導師不能缺席。我出去拽他，他說，他們太欺負人了。我說，你就再坐會兒，若不然，我的答辯不就得等下次了。他對我說，“哪兒有不通過的！” 說著，他蹦起來朝屋裏喊，“他的博士生啥樣啊！” 就離開了。

我回到答辯會，評委還有幾個人提問。一個教過我的教授對我說：“你說得夠多了！其它的問題你就回答：沒考慮過。”

院長說：“算了，這個就先放下吧！照這樣超時諍論下去，咱這答辯工作兩個星期也搞不完。叫下一個上台！”

My advisor and the dean got into an argument, slammed the desk, and left. A teacher told me to go drag him back! The advisor can't be absent at a defense meeting. I went out to drag him, but he said, "They're being bullies. I said, "Just sit down for a little while longer, or else my defense will have to wait until next time. He said to me, "There's no such thing as not passing!" With that, he jumped up and yelled into the room, "What about PhD students theirs!" And he left.

I came back to the defense meeting and there were a few more questions from the judges. One of the professors who had taught me said to me, "You've said enough! For the rest of the questions, you just answer haven't thought about it."

The dean said: "Forget it, let's drop this one! If we go on like this, we won't be able to finish the defense in two weeks. Call the next one to the stage!"

8.10-2 無不知而舍 No Unknown is Abandoned

一天，導師黃本和找我談話，說他可以推薦我去一個煤碳研究所，說那兒沒什麽出息，但一輩子穩定。隨後他說：“他們評你的論文為A，你沒什麽感覺，但這A在許多研究生中爭得厲害。咱院這屆的畢業生中出來了幾個好的。可能你也聽說了，有幾個人的碩士論文中有多篇在國內外的期刊發表了。評委給了你個A，卻給他們B，你知道為什麽嗎？”

我表示不知道，沒想過。

導師說：“這我知道！並不是你的論文有多好，這是他們想招你讀他們的博士。”

我回答：“我是分院專科畢業的，各方麵的基礎真的很差。”

導師說：“這，他們都知道，已經考慮了你的背景。他們給你A，是開會舉手表決，一致通過的，都對你有信心。這裏麵有個原因：科研人員出成果與否，與性格有關。他們認為你有搞科研的性格特質（注2）。你有這性格，如果肯努力用功，你成功的幾率比他們那些好學生高兩、三倍。”

One day, my advisor Huang came to talk to me and said that he could recommend me to go to a coal research institute. He said that there was no future there, but that it would be stable for the rest of my life. Then he said: "They rated your paper as an A. You don't feel much about it, but this A is very competitive among many graduate students. There are several good graduates in our school this year. Maybe you have heard of it, there are several people whose master's thesis has been published in domestic and foreign journals. The judges gave you an A, but they gave them a B. Do you know why?"

I stated that I didn't know and hadn't thought about it.

My advisor said: "I know this! It's not that your dissertation is so good, it's that they want to recruit you for their PhD."

I replied: "I'm a college graduate and have a really poor foundation in all areas."

My advisor said: "That, they all know it and have considered your background. They gave you an A. It was a vote by show of hands at a meeting, and it was unanimous, and they all have confidence in you. There's a reason for this: whether a researcher produces results or not is related to personality. They think you have the traits (note 2) to do research. You have this trait, if you are willing to work hard, your chances of success are two or three times higher than their good students."

注8.10-2，這個適合搞科學研究的特質是什麽？2014年我在寫回憶錄時注意到了這個問題，認為是圖像思維模式，神經質特質，和誠實的綜合體現。這個特質在佛教中被稱作“無不知而舍，無知而不舍”，是神佛十八不共法（參見15.1.3）之一。這個特質被列為了神佛的不共法的原因，作者我認為是神或佛的個人生活經曆使他們的這個特質特別強烈而且名副其實。例如插圖8.10-1至22是墨西哥（亦作雨神，特拉洛克，約活躍在公元1285-1345年，參見第18章）畫的生命之樹（亦作三千大千世界）。畫生命之樹是他的大學和研究生時期的研究課題（參見18.2.4節）。插圖35是流亡國外的墨西哥，圖中的三根權杖表示他還在尋找生命之樹的樹幹。圖37是約40歲的墨西哥，他仍在改進生命之樹樹幹的設計。圖37中，若把半月臉（代表墨西哥，特拉洛克）放在四禪天（即插圖5），腐屍蟲（代表胃腸潰瘍）會叮他，即會引起他的妻子翠玉女不高興，會加劇他的胃腸潰瘍。他手中的大茶壺表示他患有胃腸潰瘍，需要不斷地喝水來衝淡有刺激性的胃腸分泌。

Note 8.10-2, what is this trait that makes one suitable for scientific research? I noticed this question when I was writing my memoir in 2014, and I think it is a combination of image thinking mode, neuroticism, and honesty. This quality is called "no unknown is abandoned; no having-known is not abandoned" in Buddhism and is one of the Eighteen God Buddha Uncommon Laws (cf. v. 15.1.3). The reason why this characteristic is listed as a unique law is that the personal life experiences of gods or Buddhas make this trait particularly strong and worthy of their name. For example, illustrations 8.10-1 to 22 are the paintings of the Tree of Life (aka. Three-Grand Great-Grand Worlds) by Mexico (aka. the Rain God, Tlaloc, active around 1285-1345 CE, see Chapter 18). Painting the Tree of Life was his research topic during his college and graduate school years (cf. v. 18.2.4). Illustration 35 is Mexico in exile, and the three scepters in the picture indicate that he is still looking for the trunk of the Tree of Life. Illustration 37 is Mexico at about 40 years old, and he is still improving the design of the trunk of the Tree of Life. In Illustration 37, if the crescent face (representing Mexico, Tlaloc) is placed in the fourth meditation sky (i.e. illustration 5), the carrion beetle (representing gastrointestinal ulcer) will bite him, which means that it will make his wife, Chalchiuhtlicue, unhappy and aggravate his gastrointestinal ulcer. The large teapot in his hand indicates that he suffers from gastrointestinal ulcers and needs to drink water constantly to dilute the irritating gastrointestinal secretions.

我問：“我的性格有什麽特別的？”

導師說：“我也不太明白，說不好；不過，這一點你不用懷疑。你知道，咱院博士的名聲還可以，拿得出手。”

我回答：“我聽說了。他們是中國唯一的岩石力學博士後流動站，從五十年代就是世界一流的了。據說，咱院的博士在全世界都受歡迎。就因為他們，漢語已經成為了這個行業的第二語言。”

導師說：“哪有那麽好！就是還行。另外，博士還是某些人觀念中一輩子的榮譽。”

我回答：“博士是好聽。如果我讀博士，都得從頭開始學，人家讀兩、三年，我得讀五、六年。”

I asked: "What's so special about my personality?"

Adviser said: "I don't quite understand, I can't say; however, you don't have to doubt this. You know, the reputation of the PhD of our school is not bad to take."

I replied: "I've heard about it. They are the only post-doctoral mobile station for rock mechanics in China and have been world-class since the 1950s. It is said that the doctors from our institute are popular all over the world. Just because of them, Chinese has become the second language of this profession."

Adviser said: "It's not that good! It's just okay. Besides, a PhD is still a lifetime honor in some people's conception."

I replied: "A PhD is nice to hear. If I were to do a PhD, I'd have to learn it all from scratch; people do it for two or three years, I'd have to do it for five or six."

導師說：“你還這麽想！不過，五、六年拿個博士也挺好！值得！”

我說：“能成功當然好。如果我失敗了呢！我聽說了，他們搞的那套理論，全世界就三百多個人懂。如果我整不明白，這輩子就毀了。”

導師說：“沒你想的那麽難！如果整不明白，你那碩士論文改改，就能博士畢業了；然後，到哪個學校當個老師，跟我一樣。他們那東西，我就不懂。”

Adviser said: "You still think so! But it's good to get a PhD in five or six years! It's worth it!"

I said: "Of course it's good to succeed. What if I fail! I've heard that the theory they're working on is understood by only 300 people in the world. If I don't understand it, my life will be ruined."

Adviser said: "It's not as hard as you think! If you don't understand it, you can just change your master's thesis and graduate with a doctorate; then, you can become a teacher in any school, just like me. I don't understand their stuff."

我說：“祝老師你可能不知道，學習中，如果我搞不懂，感覺難受，總是放不下，吃不好，睡不著。如果我整不明白，那我這輩子就毀了。讀博士風險太大了，我不讀。”

導師說：“我說了，你可以考慮混個博士。你要混，對於你來說，博士不難！”

我說：“我琢磨過這事，也想過為什麽我做事總是那麽難？我發現，我什麽問題都放不下，混，我是學不會了，就隻能找個不用腦的行業。我混了個碩士，是為了不讓別人瞧不起我；如果我再混個博士，連我自己都瞧不起我自己了。”

I said: "Teacher Zhu, you may not know, in the study, if I can not understand, I feel difficult, always can not let go, can not eat well, can not sleep. If I can't understand, my life will be ruined. Studying a doctorate is too risky, I do not want to."

Adviser said: "I said, you can consider playingly get a doctorate. For you, deceitfully getting a PhD is not hard!"

I said: "I've mulled over this and wondered why it's always so hard for me to do things. I realized that I can't let go of any problems! Fooling around is a hard thing for me to learn. So, I'll just find an industry that doesn't use much brain. I deceivingly get a master's degree, so that I wouldn't let others look down on me. If I fool around again to get PhD, even I myself would look down on myself."

導師感歎道：“真他媽地！”

我驚訝地問：“怎麽了？”

導師說：“他們就是跟我這麽說的，如果你同意讀博士，就不會混。我就不信！”

我驚訝了，問：“混的人多了！他們以前都沒見過我，就在答辯會上看見我一次，他們都看出來了！”

導師說：“對！他們大部分人就隻在答辯會上看見了你那一次，就看出來了，說你就是不會混的性格。看來我是真不行，我都認識你五、六年了，什麽也沒看出來！”

Adviser exclaimed: "Holy shit!"

Surprised, I asked: "What's wrong?"

Adviser said: "That's what they told me, that if you agree to do a PhD, you won't be fooling around, I just didn't believe it!"

I was surprised and asked: "There are a lot of people who are fooling around! They've never even seen me before, saw me just once at the defense meeting, said they that I am not a fooling around person!?”

Adviser said: "Right! Most of them just saw you that one time at the defense meeting, and they saw it and said you just don't have the personality to fool. It seems I'm no good, I've known you for five or six years and I didn't see anything!"

8.10-3 為浪蕩公子平反 Vindication of the Playboy

一天，李國輝站到了寢室的中央，頗有感慨地說：“我要講講什麽是一俊遮百醜。我師母親自給盧岩平反，讓我向咱院的各個寢室傳達。” 他師母是我們院長夫人，資源土木工程學院的秘書，負責管理我們研究生。

他說：“昨天，在咱院的組織工作會上，我師母鄭重宣布：‘以前，我老說盧岩是咱院的浪蕩公子。結果，人家的論文在咱院的論文評定委員會上，三十三位評委意見一至，全都給評優。人家是下了真功夫的，這肯定假不了。我號招咱全院的學生，以盧岩為楷模，端正態度，努力地真心做學問。以後，誰也不許再叫他浪蕩公子了。’”

One day, Guohui Li stood up in the center of the dormitory and said rather emotionally: "Today, I'm going to talk about what is “one handsomeness covers up a hundred uglies”. My teacher mother personally vindicated Luyan and asked me to convey it to all the dormitories in our institution." His teacher's mother is our dean's wife, the secretary of the institute of Resource Civil Engineering, responsible for managing our graduate students.

Li said: "Yesterday, at the organization meeting of our institute, my teacher mother solemnly announced: 'In the past, I always said that Luyan was the prodigal son of our institute. As a result, his thesis was evaluated by the thesis evaluation committee of our academy, and all the thirty-three evaluators were unanimous in their opinions, and all of them gave him an excellent grade. He has put in real effort, it's not fake. I call on all the students at this institute to take Luyan as a model, to correct your attitude, to work hard and sincerely on your studies. From now on, no one should call him a prodigal son anymore.'"

8.10-4 賜福 Blessing

一天，我在食堂遇見了住八舍時的室友，那個來自國務院的警察，他向我道喜。我問他我有什麽喜事？連他都知道了。他說：“我都聽說了，你的畢業論文寫得不錯，受到了讚賞。”

我沒感覺，回答：“這點兒事算什麽！”

他說：“怎麽是這點兒事呢！研究生不就是這麽回事嗎！得到了那幫人的讚賞，一輩子想起來都是高興的事。人家賜福給你了。”

我愣住了，明白之後說：“有道理，要不是聽你說了，我沒注意到。”

他說：“你在和平房產局幹得挺好；在東北大學，你又提前一年畢業，還整成這樣！你確實有與眾不同之處，我就是瞪著眼睛看不見你是咋整的（注4）？”

我迷惑地回答：“我也不知道，我真的什麽都不知道！你怎麽樣？什麽時候答辯？”

他回答：“我還比你早來幾個月呢！到現在，他們還不讓我準備博士論文。答辯，還沒日程。”

注8.10-4，2014年，我寫完回憶錄後才明白，這是劉團長指使他（來自國務院的警察）和祝老師等人支持我的成果。

One day, I met my roommate from the eighth dormitory, the policeman from State Council, in the cafeteria. He congratulated me. I asked him what good news I had, even he knew about it. He said, "I heard that your graduation thesis was well written and was praised."

I didn't feel anything and replied, "It's nothing!"

He said, "Why is it just this little thing? Aren’t that what graduate students being like? You will be happy to think about the praise of those people for the rest of your life. They have blessed you."

I was stunned, and then I said, "That makes sense. If I hadn't heard you say it, I wouldn't have noticed it."

He said, "You did a great job at the Heping Real Estate Bureau. You graduated a year early at Northeastern University, and you looked like this! You are indeed different. I just can't see how you did it (4) even with my eyes wide open."

I replied in confusion: "I don't know either, I really don't know anything! How are you? When will you defend your thesis?"

He replied: "I came here a few months earlier than you! Until now, they still won't let me prepare my doctoral thesis. There is no schedule for the defense yet."

Note 8.10-4, It was not until I finished writing my memoirs in 2014 that I realized that this was the result of Troupe Leader Liu instructing him (the policeman from State Council) and Teacher Zhu and others to support me.

8.10-5 命運 Fate

一天晚上，我在機電管遇到了祝老師（我和劉健君的介紹人）。他鄭重地對我說：在我和劉健君婚姻的事情上，他失敗了，但還是很感謝我；以後我有事去求他，他一定會盡力幫助。隨後，我茫然地想了幾次 “他們對我做了什麽？他怎麽失敗了呢？”此後的很多年，我都偶爾會想起國務院警察說過的 “劉團長一定會成功”，什麽事一定會成功？我都沒想明白直到2014年寫完我的回憶錄。

注8.10-5，什麽事？劉團長一定會成功。答：我和劉健君一定會成為夫妻。本書的第一章述說了劉團長為我和他的女兒劉建君定了娃娃親，並為我做了肉眼通，遺留下了精神病潛伏症。7.3節述說了我和劉建君相親，被她創傷了，激活了我的精神病潛伏症。本章的8.1至8.7節述說了劉團長設計，讓我受到了驚嚇，以至於有了精神病發作的跡象。精神病是生命之樹上的異熟果（參見11.6.1節），此後五年、十年，或什麽時候，精神病的異熟果成熟了，我就會墮入地獄。插圖35是墨西哥畫的他自己，那時他正從納瓦特國逃離到國外，可是無論他逃到哪裏，成熟後的精神病異熟果都會落在他的筐裏，他就會墮入地獄。當然，整瘋我盧岩不是劉團長的最終目的，治療我的瘋病的唯一方法是和劉建君結婚，劉團長的最終目的是讓我們倆把這件事寫成書，利樂眾生。

One evening, I met Mr. Huang (the person who introduced Eve Liu to me) at the Electromechanical Building. He told me solemnly that he had failed in my marriage to Liu Jianjun, but he was still very grateful to me; if I asked him for help in the future, he would do his best to help. Afterwards, I thought about it several times in confusion, "What did they do to me? How did he fail?" For many years afterwards, I would occasionally think of what the State Council police said, "Captain Liu will definitely succeed." What will succeed? I didn't figure it out until I finished writing my memoirs in 2014.

Note 8.10-5, what is it? Troupe Leader Liu will succeed. Answer: Eve Liu and I will become wife and husband. The first chapter of this book tells that Troupe Leader Liu arranged a marriage for me and his daughter Eve Liu, and made “Flesh Eye Through” on me, which left me with latent psychosis. Section 7.3 tells that I went on a blind date with Eve Liu, was traumatized by her, and activated my latent mental illness. Sections 8.1 to 8.7 of this chapter tell that Troupe Leader Liu scared me on purpose, so that I showed signs of psychosis. Mental illness is a mutant fruit (cf. v. 11.6.1) of the tree of life. Five years, ten years, or whenever, the fruit of mental illness will mature, and I will fall into hell. Illustration 35 is a Mexican painting of himself. At that time, he was fleeing away from the country of Nahuatl. However, no matter where he fled, the ripe fruit of mental illness would fall into his basket, and he would fall into hell. Of course, driving me, Luyan, crazy is not Troupe Leader Liu's goal. The only way to cure my madness is to marry Eve Liu. Troupe Leader Liu's goal is for the two of us to write this affair into a book to benefit all sentient beings.

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