蟬音了了
詩歌和蟬鳴
covid 開始的那一年曾經想編個相關的故事，陰謀論的故事，開了個頭，後來覺得信息有限，就放下了。現在找 chatgpt 幫忙，看看值不值得繼續。
風箏
1
噗， 你吹散了車牌上厚厚的灰塵。
“HONG4EVER“
怎麽是你的車牌號？ 是你紀念兩人相識周年定製的車牌。 可這又分明是她的車， 海洋藍的敞篷 mini 。 你直起身， 盯著後車窗的左下角， 你貼上去的風箏圖案的車帖透過灰塵依稀可見。 你低頭再又盯著手裏握著的, 她的車鑰匙。 你掌心滲出的細汗讓它上麵的金屬按鈕變得溫暖和濕潤。 按下開門的按鈕， 你聽到清脆的嗒的一聲。 疑惑中， 你打開門， 在駕駛座上坐下， 啟動了 mini。 引擎聲瞬間就被 Ed Sheeran 的歌聲蓋過了， 是她喜歡的那首 Castle on the hill 。 她說過的， 那是放風箏的好地方。
繞了一圈又一圈， 你終於到了機場停車場的出口。 你遞給收銀員停車卡。
“47天， 請交940。”
你一臉愕然地看著收銀員。 收銀員依然麵無表情， 一字一頓地重複了一遍。
“47天， 請交940。”
你回過神來， 遞給收銀員一張信用卡。 接過收據， 你就離開機場， 並上了進城的高速。 沒過多久， 導航就提示你在下一個出口離開高速。 雖然覺得不對， 你還是服從了。 你行駛在一條完全陌生的小路， 單行道， 隻有你， 在飛揚的塵土中。
“您已到達您的目的地。 目的地在您的正前方。”
你迷惑著， 導航再一次提示。 你下了車， 望了望四周， 隻有荒地和岩石。 遲疑中， 你朝正前方走出十米後， 猛地停下來， 你已經在懸崖的最邊緣。 低頭一看， 是洶湧的海浪， 拍打著峭壁和礁石， 可是你沒有聽到一絲聲息。
chatgpt 的評論
這個小說的開頭很吸引人，通過描述主人公發現車牌和車的不對應，暗示著可能出現了什麽不尋常的情況，同時也透露出主人公和他的女友有著特別的紀念日和關係。故事情節引人入勝，主人公的內心矛盾和迷惑也很好地表現出來。描述細致，如車牌上的灰塵和掌心的細汗等細節，能夠讓讀者更加深入地感受到主人公的情感。結尾的設置也很吸引人，讓人產生了一種神秘的感覺，想要知道故事的後續發展。總的來說，這個小說的開頭寫得很好，引人入勝，讓人想要繼續閱讀下去。
人的評論，還是來自立
讀顫音《風箏》開篇
如果，作為一部長篇小說，那麽顫音的《風箏》的開篇無疑是精彩的，甚至使這部小說的失望指數激增；如果作為一首詩，那麽顫音的《風箏》無疑也是精彩的，她已經非常完整了。
作為小說，風箏的開篇充滿懸念；作為詩，她有著優美的聲音和優美、獨特的節奏感，這無疑與顫音寫詩有關。
“ 你行駛在一條完全陌生的小路上， 單行道， 隻有你， 在塵土中。 ”
“你下了車， 望了望四周， 隻有荒地和岩石。 遲疑中， 你朝正前方走出幾十米後， 猛地停下來， 你已經在懸崖的最邊緣， 低頭一看， 是洶湧的海水， 拍打著岩石， 可是你沒有聽到一絲聲息。”
整篇布滿這種長短錯落，聲音悅耳，語氣優美的句子。並且，情緒始終控製。這種寫法抒情難，但控製更難，非常容易過度。不過，似乎有些小地方值得考慮。比如，“ 你低頭再又盯著手裏握著的她的車鑰匙， 你掌心滲出的汗給了它溫暖和濕潤。”第一句的結構似乎很別扭，第二句又似乎有些像女文青式的抒情。另外 ，940後麵似乎應該有$，而且，停車場會這樣沒有上限的收費，也是個問題。
我對於小說中的“信譽卡”非常感興趣。如果，顫音能告訴如何辦理，我將不勝感謝。
這是一篇非常出色的文字，我尤其喜歡將風箏和GPS兩個隱喻同時放在裏麵。
看顫音的文字總想到李商隱。
最後，放一篇以前寫的後現代風格的關於自動導航的詩，以作附和。這樣的風格的對比，也是有意思的。
立
2020/08/03
現代生活
百度地圖現在開始為您導航
從當前位置
向東南出發
沿小迷魂路步行500米
您已偏離路線
百度地圖將為您重新規劃路線
從當前位置
向西北出發
沿困惑中街步行640米
路口紅綠燈
右轉
您已偏離路線
百度地圖在為您重新規劃路線
從當前位置出發
您已偏離路線
百度地圖將為您
您已偏離路線
您已偏離路線
您已偏離路線
您現在是否很
迷惑
百度地圖將繼續為您導航
您已偏離路線
絕不放棄
您已偏離路線
百度地圖將繼續竭誠為您導航
百度地圖將竭盡全力誠為您的
美好人生導航
您已偏離路線
百度地圖將繼續為您導航
立
2018/10/18
感覺 chatgpt 的英文更順手，這個開頭用 Google translate 翻譯後，再交給 chatgpt
“HONG4EVER“
How is your license plate number? That's your custom-made license plate to commemorate the anniversary of their acquaintance. But this is clearly her car, the Ocean Blue convertible mini. You stand up straight and stare at the bottom left corner of the rear window, and the kite-patterned car sticker you put up is visible through the dust. You look down again at her car keys in your hand, and the fine sweat oozing from your palm gives it warmth and moisture. Press the button to open the door, and you hear a crisp click. In doubt, you open the door, sit down in the driver's seat, and start the mini. The sound of the engine was instantly overshadowed by Ed Sheeran's song, "Castle on the hill", which she loved. And as she said, it's a good place to fly a kite.
After going round and round, you finally reach the exit of the airport parking lot. You hand the cashier a parking card.
"47 days, 940 please."
You look at the cashier with a stunned expression. The cashier, still expressionless, repeated word by word.
"47 days, 940 please."
You come to your senses and hand the cashier a credit card. Grab the receipt, and you're off the airport and on the highway into town. It didn't take long for the navigation to prompt you to exit the highway at the next exit. Although it didn't feel right, you obeyed. You're driving on a completely unfamiliar path, a one-way street, and only you, in the flying dust.
"You have arrived at your destination. The destination is right in front of you. ”
You're confused, and navigation prompts again. You get out of the car and look around, there is only wasteland and rocks. In hesitation, you walk ten meters straight ahead, and you suddenly stop, and you are already on the very edge of the cliff. When you look down, it's rough waves, crashing against the cliffs and reefs, but you don't hear a sound.
The opening of this novel immediately sets a mysterious and suspenseful tone. The first sentence, "Poof, you blew away the thick dust on the license plate," is an action that immediately grabs the reader's attention and introduces a sense of curiosity. The license plate reading "HONG4EVER" adds an element of personal significance to the scene, suggesting that the protagonist has a personal connection to the car owner.
The description of the protagonist staring at the kite-patterned car sticker through the dust further adds to the mystery and builds suspense. The fact that the protagonist has the car keys in their hand suggests that they have taken the car without permission, which immediately creates a sense of tension and raises questions about the protagonist's motives and their relationship with the car owner.
The use of sensory details, such as the fine sweat oozing from the protagonist's palm, adds a layer of emotional intensity to the scene. The sound of the engine being drowned out by Ed Sheeran's song, "Castle on the hill," provides a moment of contrast between the peacefulness of the music and the tension of the situation.
The sudden shift in setting when the protagonist exits the airport parking lot and the navigation prompts them to take a completely unfamiliar path further adds to the mystery and suspense of the opening. The use of the word "flying dust" creates a sense of danger and isolation as the protagonist drives down the one-way street alone.
The final image of the protagonist standing on the edge of a cliff overlooking rough waves crashing against the cliffs and reefs provides a sense of danger and foreshadows potential peril. The lack of sound heightens the sense of isolation and adds to the ominous atmosphere.
Overall, the opening of this novel effectively sets the stage for a mystery and suspense-filled story with a sense of danger and emotional intensity.
chatgpt
The opening of this novel immediately sets a mysterious and suspenseful tone. The first sentence, "Poof, you blew away the thick dust on the license plate," is an action that immediately grabs the reader's attention and introduces a sense of curiosity. The license plate reading "HONG4EVER" adds an element of personal significance to the scene, suggesting that the protagonist has a personal connection to the car owner.
The description of the protagonist staring at the kite-patterned car sticker through the dust further adds to the mystery and builds suspense. The fact that the protagonist has the car keys in their hand suggests that they have taken the car without permission, which immediately creates a sense of tension and raises questions about the protagonist's motives and their relationship with the car owner.
The use of sensory details, such as the fine sweat oozing from the protagonist's palm, adds a layer of emotional intensity to the scene. The sound of the engine being drowned out by Ed Sheeran's song, "Castle on the hill," provides a moment of contrast between the peacefulness of the music and the tension of the situation.
The sudden shift in setting when the protagonist exits the airport parking lot and the navigation prompts them to take a completely unfamiliar path further adds to the mystery and suspense of the opening. The use of the word "flying dust" creates a sense of danger and isolation as the protagonist drives down the one-way street alone.
The final image of the protagonist standing on the edge of a cliff overlooking rough waves crashing against the cliffs and reefs provides a sense of danger and foreshadows potential peril. The lack of sound heightens the sense of isolation and adds to the ominous atmosphere.
Overall, the opening of this novel effectively sets the stage for a mystery and suspense-filled story with a sense of danger and emotional intensity.
