The world in a puddle 上了首頁，顯擺一把

The world in a puddle

A puddle
tiny and shiny
in the sun
in the middle of a muddy trail

A puddle
passed by hikers
who rush towards the snow-painted peak
countless steps
countless splashes

A puddle
halts an exhausted hiker
He kneels, bends, and stares at the puddle
In his eyes, young meadow
aged forest
graphite mount
and its white crown
shining in the infinite azure of sky

inspiration © 9 days ago   

Like (9) 

Picked on August 19

Likes: Sand Singer, Simon Hosken, kaye, Oméga.á.m., Illegal Love, S. Sharpe, Dpcsoup, Malenny, Jessica Bush

 

Oméga.á.m. - Very vivid and beautiful poetry composition

6 days ago   

 

Dpcsoup - Great imagery and brevity, thanks for sharing.

6 days ago   

 

Illegal Love - Awe this is a cute poem.

Amazing

6 days ago 

 

Malenny - love this!

7 days ago   

 

Simon Hosken - Not only is this first rate - but the sort of poem I would like to have written - my only qualm (forgive!) is that 1 or 2 of the lines are unnecessary or that the poem could have been a little tighter - but without doubt - what can I say

9 days ago  

xxx - Thank you, Simon, your encouraging words and sincere feedback, could you specify which lines are undesirable? Thanks in advance

Simon Hosken - It's hard to say which lines are undesirable, but if you will allow, I understand your history.   You are writing in the style of the ancients when your country were the greatest in the world.    The only difference between this poem and one of theirs is, not so much the use of cliche - the snow-covered mountain - but, essentially - it may sound stupid - but there are too many words.    If I were to offer advice, rather than be specific about which words, I would beg you to think of your pieces as shining, sharp diamonds onto which, unfortunately, you have poured a little oil.

8 days ago   

xxx - Really appreciate your insightful feedback, i need to think hard to remove the grease, very likely true i subconsiously follow the ancient, somewhat being lazy. Thanks Simon!

 

 

S. Sharpe - nice both on attentiveness and reflection of the beauty in anything and everything

9 days ago