Stat2006-04-25 12:53:57回複悄悄話
If you would like to call it dream, then it was a dream. 情若獨鍾心距短，天公作美隨人願 originally read ...Shen2 Ye3 Xian4, Tian1 Shi2 Di4 Li4 Sui2 Ren2 Yuan4.
Stat2006-04-21 16:38:01回複悄悄話
once the road is formed, people starts to walk on it. i don't mind if someone deviates from it a little. if someone deviated too far from the road, intentionally or unintentionally, he should call his way by a different name.
Stat2006-04-21 10:48:20回複悄悄話
Certainly the author has the ultimate right to her poems. That is why I am so content with being allowed to make suggestions.
I would like to see more constructive opinions though. People are better at difference aspects.
The majority of WuLv in TangShi didn't have Gong1 Dui4. It was developed overtime and summarized to rules. How much one wants to follow the rules is upto each individual.
Taking Qin4YuanChun1 as another example, many used as examples didn't have the Shan4Zi3Dui4. But some people think you have to have it to be considered Qin4Yuan2Chun1. Jian4 Ren2 Jian4 Zhi4.
Stat2006-04-21 08:24:49回複悄悄話
It would be better if you aviod 酒 in the sentence since you already have 斟. I remember a sentence from Feng YanSi: Zui4 Li3 Bu Ci2 Jin1 Que4 Man3.
I read someone's change to MengZhongv's setences in her Wu3Lv4. One of the change was to "Qing1 Shan1 Liu2 Fei3 Cui4, Bi4 Shui3 Xi4 YanYang". Do you see it as better? In my opinion those two sentences involve too much of color green. They might present better "Ge2", but no better "Yi4". I wanted to discuss it with others, but decided not.
Stat2006-04-19 10:27:34回複悄悄話
Thank you for taking my suggestion (I saw that you made change when you posted it on the forum). Actually I also like 侵城 better. 傾城 here is rather static and has been used too much.
I was making fun with the last setence.
Stat2006-04-19 08:08:28回複悄悄話
I like the change to 向, not sure about others.
把我的貼子都刪掉吧 － 恰如曾經?
蝶戀花-初相見
幾度變遷終得見.今夜相擁，忘卻前時怨。欲語還羞青黛轉，借言不喜茗香釅。
雖隔翰洋休道遠。海誓山盟，何須三千遍。情若獨鍾心距短，天公作美隨人願.
另, "孤鳶高旋常回首"句, 無端地讓我想起: "一失足成千古恨, 回首已是百年身".
孤鳶高旋常回首，功成即可鴛鴦伴。
鶼魚共遊清水裏，上天要作雙飛雁。
布衣或錦情相守，年年月月天天戀。
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By the way, I understand you. When I posted on the forum my 初相見, I left out
蝶戀花。
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我不敢肯定那段話是否得到了適當的解讀. 誤解,是人生常遇之事. "等閑變卻故人心，卻道故人心易變".
人生若隻如初見，何事西風悲畫扇。
等閑變卻故人心，卻道故人心易變。
驪山語罷清宵半，夜雨霖鈴終不怨。
何如薄幸錦衣兒，比翼連枝當日願。
自認,此身為這一矛盾時代之一矛盾產品, 兩麵而迷糊: 外觀看來仿佛眉清目秀,言行舉止一派嫻靜輕柔; 然而,實質思想飄忽, 情執難渡,不易管理,不學無術. 動時偶現如虹氣勢, 靜時一向如水溫柔. 生於傳統之家,長於繁囂之市. 尚言行古典,也尚思想自由. 喜聞書香,也納入世政經之道,也容時尚風流之方. 神往唐宋,但也身在西端. 因擱置閨中,故不認天高地厚,仍然有夢. 半是清淡半是清狂. 半是星火半是冰霜. 不畏大喜大悲, 不拒大俗大雅. 不求紅塵無悔,但求真心無愧.
I understand your self-description better now :)
矛盾 不易管理
不學無術 X 喜聞書香,也納入世政經之道?
不畏大喜大悲
但求真心無愧
每個人終隻有一條屬於自己的路. 無論如何被定義/被看待.
規矩也是人定的. 詩詞格律亦然. 套用一句魯迅先生(雖然我並非他的"粉絲")當年的話來說,"這地上本來沒有路,走的人多了,便也成了路".
I would like to see more constructive opinions though. People are better at difference aspects.
The majority of WuLv in TangShi didn't have Gong1 Dui4. It was developed overtime and summarized to rules. How much one wants to follow the rules is upto each individual.
Taking Qin4YuanChun1 as another example, many used as examples didn't have the Shan4Zi3Dui4. But some people think you have to have it to be considered Qin4Yuan2Chun1. Jian4 Ren2 Jian4 Zhi4.
個人覺得, 夢姐姐的那兩句"青山留不住,碧水去鴛鴦"是全詩的重點所在.假如我處在她的位置,我是寧願把五律改稱"五言",也要保留那兩句.
不過各人有各人的不同見解,壇上眾口難調, 一時半會也很難說清楚. 所以還是寧願尊重作者的意願和她自己的選擇.
I read someone's change to MengZhongv's setences in her Wu3Lv4. One of the change was to "Qing1 Shan1 Liu2 Fei3 Cui4, Bi4 Shui3 Xi4 YanYang". Do you see it as better? In my opinion those two sentences involve too much of color green. They might present better "Ge2", but no better "Yi4". I wanted to discuss it with others, but decided not.
"向"字在剛下筆時顧忌有可能與"對"字意思重複,故當時舍去. 寫成時以"坐"字是為了描述其時情景."鬆濤",一為字麵上的意思, 二因它為一幽靜之處之名稱.所以,在前句用"夜傾城"是為襯托遠處之城市熱鬧與下句身處之靜. "對月斟來杯酒滿",用滿字,是斟了也沒有心情喝的意思--沒有喝,所以還是"滿". "傷心默許各前程"......這句裏的沉默,您應該明白.就不解釋了.
I was making fun with the last setence.
柔光弄水夜侵城
但向鬆濤聽恨聲
對月斟來杯酒淺
無心祝福好前程
(無心莫許好前程)?
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