開開心心
開開心心過日子
Today I had a big fight with my son. I realize that I am a control freak. He has a point. I am very bossy and want him to become the person i want him to be. He is kind desperate. I know I need change. But I cannot control myself. What should I do? I can ony kneel down before God to pray that God will provide me with wisdom to deal with this situation. I keep wanting to change but just kept doing the same thing. Maybe I should just leave him alone. He already has a good GPA and did all right on SAT. He has a motivation to do well although somethime he could not control himself what he wants to do, but he has to learn the lessons. it is less painful if he learns now than later. He is a decent young man. I should just leave him alone. I should let go now and find a life for myself. he is 17. He can be whatever he wants to be. If he does not want to go to a good college, that is fine. it is his decision and he can live by it. Maybe he will realize something and then grow up to be a person who is responsible. He had all the lessons he needs from us. Our teaching is inside him.
Another thing is that I am not a good role model myself. I do not have self control. I spent too much time on computer and reading nonsense stuff. Why cannot I improve my English or my writing? I could memorize some good poems and recite them. I could do body training. I could do some good research. WHy do I have to spend so much time controlling him. I need go out and enjoy the life.
God， help me! I need help. I need just control myself not to say anything. even if I could not bear it. Just shut up or do something else.
I need go out enjoy the nature, do dancing, find a few good girl friends, do some investments. That is my goal.
Get up every day at 6-6:30 and do work out. Then focus focus and get things done. Starting tomorrow.
